Anyone else have a large family but feel alone?

[nameeCha]

I’ve been awake most of the night thinking about how alone I feel. It’s really difficult as I have 3 older siblings and my parents are still alive plus I have a husband and 3 kids in primary school! I just feel so alone. Truthfully I don’t have many friends - if you saw me in the school run you wouldn’t think so as I stop and chat to all the parents, make conversations with the mums in other classes who seem to be standing alone and I seem like a very bubbly and outgoing person. I just feel sorry for my kids to never have a full and chaotic extended get togethers that you see in films and in part I had growing up in an Asian family.

I feel so low and alone today in particular. I’m tempted to post in AIBU! so please someone respond to me

Can you organise something? Invite everyone around? Sometimes you need to be the organisers, people are pretty busy and they forget to keep the connections going sometimes. Just invite everyone around for lunch.

@Flibflobflibflob thank you. I would love to do that but my husband hates having my family around. It’s a long story but basically he has 2 older sisters who are the devil incarnate - I kid you not! I’ve not fallen out with them but slowly I stopped any contact and they didn’t exactly rush to get back in touch with me so husbands reaction has been My family are not welcome in “his home”. He pays the mortgage so he said he entitled to who comes. I’ve tried many times to get friendly with his sisters but they are so crazy I just can’t. E.g. after years of infertility I finally got pregnant and had a girl (my eldest) and rather than be happy for their brother they made loads of comments about how had girls are! Being a girl THEMSELVES. They only have boys so they made these comments and DH didn’t say a word. They made me feel like an utter failure. Worst thing was on my DD birthday party (1st) they Walked around with faces like thunder s d did t speak to anyone whereas my sisters greeted everyone they never bet before and got all the food served etc. there is So much more I could write! But I think you can guess. My eldest is 10 now and I’ve been married 17+ years.

I think I your husband sounds unpleasant, OP. He won't allow you to have your family round? Doesn't recognise that his own sisters are vile to you? It's easy to feel alone when you're in a controlling marriage.

@wp65 his thinking is very black and white or immature maybe. He’s never defended me infront of his sisters. They have treated me appallingly. Tbf they treat him quite bad too but I suppose he’s grown up with that. He’s very immature even though he’s in his 40’s. He does t see that having my sisters around would actually benefit us, his thinking is “no my sisters must come first” no matter how bad they have treated us. It’s also MIL stirring the pot behind our backs I think.

I feel just like you.
so alone in such a huge family - and my in-laws have managed to damage most relationships for us that side too

we have friends and socialise but we are in a different place in our lives.

I have 3 siblings, all older than me and I find it really hard sometimes - they are in different places in their lives.

I feel your pain
all I can say is find your sunshine in your home.
Build a life for you and your unit.

I get it sometimes husband dont help the situation they make it worse but u need to man up voice ur opinion!.. i feel as Asians we have to bow our heads and accept the situation i want you to realise something here

1.Ur sister in laws u dont owe them anything they made u feel insecure and thats made u feel inferior

1. ur husband should not allow u to feel like u cant bring ur sisters down In your own house his just gona have to learn to live with it, just like u learned to live with his toxic family

1. be the organiser Arrange stuff host brunches tactfully out side the house at venues eg restaurant or cafes, do brunches , then tell ur husband my "sister invited me" or "my friends invited me "

I feel u ur at the stage where u need to feel company and socialise and before ur life gives u a burn out u need to make the effort and not take no for answer !