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South Asian Mumsnetters

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Living with parent in laws is depressing

5 replies

Rox77 · 26/03/2024 12:47

Hey, just want to rant a little. So I've been married almost 4 years, my husband is an only son with 4 sister. I said I'd see how it is livong with parents but I realised very quickly it's difficult living in someone's home that's been there's for 40 years. His mum has set ways which is fine as she's helpful also. But now that I have kids, almost 2 years old and a baby I'm struggling with not being able to run my home my way and openly. We are going to move out into a bigger property as we currently have 1 room and his parents have the other considerably bigger room. But his parents assume they'll be coming with us. Initially I thought it would be fine with a bigger property but his Dad has dementia which has gotten worse. Incontinence at night, mum helps him with daily activities, such as bathing, toiliet etc. His sisters barely have any input or visit them and expect their bro to stay with them forever eith his fam and take on the responsibility. Rather than we live separately and everyone visit. His mum always gets annoyed at her husband when he doesn't listen (deaf also) and results in her talking loud which I dislike. Atm it's fine as kids are younger but have told my husband it's unfair for my kids to see this, esp when the other grandkids visit half hour/hour once a month or every 2nd month. We have our own sitting room witj kids toys etc so we have our own lil space In the space as the kitchen is usually occupied by his mum and we always have to walk past them to access kitchen. Just wondering if anyone has been in similar situation. I've spoken about my concerns to hubby. I love his.parents but I get annoyed at them cause we're living with them. I wouldn't feel this way if we lived separately. How can I make him understand

OP posts:
Autumn1990 · 26/03/2024 13:07

Would a house with a proper annexe solve the problem or two houses next door to each other?
I realise these options aren’t easy to find or cheap but would give you totally separate accommodation but also be close by

Rox77 · 26/03/2024 13:14

@Autumn1990 I have mentioned this to the husband and he said that's fine. So I am hoping we are able to find something to give us this option. Even though his Mum may not understand this option as she's close to my kids but It's for better of everyone. Having their own space but cN come spend time with kids when they want

OP posts:
BrandySnaps1 · 20/05/2024 13:50

Rox77 · 26/03/2024 13:14

@Autumn1990 I have mentioned this to the husband and he said that's fine. So I am hoping we are able to find something to give us this option. Even though his Mum may not understand this option as she's close to my kids but It's for better of everyone. Having their own space but cN come spend time with kids when they want

What happened with your situation?

Im in something similar, MIL and SIL and me DH all live together. At first it was ok, theyre very quite but i find them so annoying. We are now going to have a baby soon and lots of people have said to me stay for the childcare and help and stick it out a bit longer.

But I just want my own space and place.

heartbroken22 · 15/11/2024 10:54

Sorry I know it's an old post but wouldn't they be better off with a south Asian carer? They'd get more help

Rox77 · 23/06/2025 18:58

@BrandySnaps1 Hey, sorry it's been ages. Just keeping off forums and ranting lol. Situation is same. Still house hunting, well only me as hisband has left it on me and isn't really actively looking with me. Struggling with space and the constant feeling of its not my place....I've stopped my fam visiting as she'd just rubbish about us. So theres no sense of belonging. How's everything for you. Feel free to PM me if you need a chat! X

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