This might be long but I’ll try to summarise!
husband is very evidently jealous of my sisters but phrases it in ways he couldn’t give a shit and I’m the one with the problem My family are very close knit whereas his are very weird. He’s got 2 older sisters that live 15 minutes and 45 minutes away. I’ve probably seen them in the 15 years of marriage about 12 times. All his uncles and aunties live in the same town as us. We’ve been invited to every occasion birthdays etc from my sisters whereas his sisters never invited us to anything, they meet up amongst themselves but never invite him. They visit MIL (their mum) 3 times a year even though they live so close by but never once come around our home and we’ve invited them hundreds of times. DH would never see them unless he goes to his mums house same time they do. So that’s the background. Other things to set the scene of type of people they are: when my first child was born (a daughter) they made so many comments about it’s a girl etc. I invited them to her first Xmas and one replied “no, I don’t consider you as my family, my husbands family is my family” those were her exact words. The other said they’re planning to go on holiday which was fine. But of course DH And MIL said the SIL is perfectly right and after marriage the girl no longer should consider her blood family as her own! Lol she’s married a non Indian btw! So she’s not all that “traditional”. I bit my tongue and this is hundreds of examples but this one stings still 10 years later.
Not once has husband defended me or our family. Not once has he tried to resolve my feelings of not feeling part of his family. He could easily do this but doesn’t. He just cares about his job and everything else is second.
issue today - it’s Diwali and like every year my sisters have invited us over for Diwali (I don’t have parents anymore) and I didn’t mention as I knew he would have a huge meltdown. But I got sad thinking this morning how families are getting together and us saddos are gonna be home alone (mil in India at the moment). Things escalated very quickly (kids were upstairs sleeping). He shouted at me and said “you love your sister (the eldest one who invited us) so fucking much go and fucking go and lick her pussy out! I know that what you really want”. This enraged me as it’s so immature and bloody disgusting! My sister is like my mum, she’s taken on a mother role as I’m the youngest one. I got so angry and please no judgements - I threw the breakfast plates at him and my kids toys were on table which I threw every single one at his head.
once I calmed down I tried to discuss and his response was the “same fucking conversation every year”, which he’s right we do have same conversation. But my point is still the same - I cannot, and most importantly my kids cannot have happy extended family memories as he get jealous. If his sisters invited us I would go in a heartbeat to give my kids memories but they don’t. His uncles and aunties keep to themselves too and the only 2 that did bother with us (well before my kids were born) I was instructed by MIL not to speak to them as she dislikes them! So to keep the peace I backed off. If it wasn’t for my sisters I would have no family.
please can I have some Indian perspective on this. I am so down and if it wasn’t for my kids I would end my miserable life right now.