Black Magic Mil

[BlueSelpress]

As you can see from my previous thread, I told my mil I was expecting and she wasn't happy and caused a scene and ruin the special moment for me and my husband.

I come from a family that don't believe in black magic or doing these random things like throwing lentils in the water etc etc and birth charts. Anyway my mil is the opposite.

Whilst the baby news was a secret me and my husband got on very well and now all of sudden my husband and I are at each other throats and he keeps getting my family involved and his mum. I don't like his mum knowing anything because I feel like it give her more ammunition to hate me.

In fact I don't like anyone know about our minor tiffs.

I feel like his mum has some so prays and black magic to make me and husband clash.

Your MIL isn’t casting any spells to make you and your husband argue. I’d look a bit closer to home for the answer to that one…

Sorry I haven't seen your previous threads, but are you Muslim? Can you get someone from the mosque to mediate between you and your husband? Why dies he want to get your family involved every time?

So… My partner and I announced our pregnancy to the in laws last night. (I didn’t want to do it this weekend as I wanted to wait for scan which was the hospital postponed so we’re not at 13 weeks).

We did the announcement and the mil didn’t say a word, the smile was wiped off her face and she stared into space. My bil and sil both came running over to congratulate us. My partners sister (sil 1 and sil 2) only got up because my bil and sil were hugging us. After a few minutes of half of the family congratulations us the mil blew and said she’s know for a long time and that I’ve been to my side of the family and told them all and I haven’t bothered to tell her at all and my dad know and that he congratulated her (total lie - my dad doesn’t know a thing). I told her to be happy and I can assure her no one know another than my sister and sil 3 and she said so your sister is better than me that she should find out before me? Not mentioning that I’ve just told her that her daughter also knows.

She went on for ages, and my husband was felt very disappointed and left the room. She said some very nasty stuff about me and my family and how I’ve treated her badly. I’ve learnt her character and only have necessary conversations with her as I find her too much. She’s too loud and needs to be centre of attention a lot of the time. Her adult children have all blamed her menopause but I don’t as my mum was nothing like this and my work friends have who are also going through menopause say this is not anything to do with the menopause it’s her jealously. I’m not sure. But I’m getting quite upset and sad about this. This was meant to be a happy announcement and she ruined it but causing an issues.

When I say I don't like her knowing anything I mean when we argue.

That's exactly my point, we had an mini argument which would have been resolved within a few minutes but his mum came running in and made it worse and she said tell me every time she plays up. Of course it's always me that causes argument, never her son

it's more likely that the stress caused by the announcement is causing issues. you need to have a constructive discussion with your DH about clear boundary setting and keeping private matters private. I have seen many South Asian marriages destroyed due to either partner running to their own parents after every argument and involving them. interference from either set of PILs can be very destructive.

it is possible to be respectful while maintaining clear boundaries.

Hahahahahahahahanananaha

is this actually a serious thread?

@Streamorwatchlive are you South Asian?
@BlueSelpress you have a DH problem. He needs to grow up and resolve issues between you both, not tell on you 🤔.

Yes you have a DH, things seem to get very stressful in relationships when a DC comes along

Black magic or not, let the dust settle and then have a convo with your husband. He’s got to be the one that calms things down and keeps things civil. Some people find it hard to share your happiness, but the main thing is to keep your little family happy and ignore all the noise. Good luck.

Lentils in water. I've not heard that one. Is she making you do rituals or stuff?

What are the lentils for, has she said? Are you living with her?

This isn’t black magic. Lentils in water, birth charts, a lemon and chillis in your coat pocket, are ancient rituals to ward off the evil eye that were native to most of the region from Afghanistan to Bengal (and other cultures have their own rituals). People from all religions practice them. I bet you wouldn’t complain about black magic if she tried setting up a khoro / baby ceremony for you - then why moan about these tiny things?

I also don’t understand why you told your sister and sil about your pregnancy so early but not your mil. Mothers and mothers in law should always be told first, it’s a mark of respect. My own mother would have blown up at me had I told my sister or sil before her. If in doubt about intentions then you tell everyone after 12 weeks - picking and choosing family members to tell first always results in drama.

Lentils / nuts in water is based on an ancient ayurvedic practice of sprouting foods for pregnant women to increase folate (people in north India / Pakistan / Bengal tend to have thalessemia and bleed out in pregnancy and it was identified thousands of years ago that sprouting was improved nutrient uptake) but in some cultures the medical reasoning behind it is lost and they just grow lentils / toss them in water (and then the sea) or feed them to animals after the baby is born.

I didn't go out of my way and tell them. They both guess and I answered and to be honest I'm glad I told my sister because I needed some advice from someone who had been pregnant recent and Google doesn't always have the answers.

I agree tell no one until 12 which is what I did.

Personally I would do any rituals as I don't believe in of that sort of stuff and that's the background I come from. I would simply go to a my holy place of worship after a few weeks to get the blessing and thats what I believe it. Just because someone believes in something it doesn't mean you bully them into doing it like my mil.