Do I warn my future SIL about the inlaws?

[Maloneyb]

my inlaws are awful people. I wouldn’t usually say things like this about people but they are awful. Narcissistic, controlling, manipulative. They don’t get on with anyone.
treated me like shit and made(make) my life hell. Luckily me and OH have moved away far enough that they can’t impose too much.
however, my OH’s younger brother has now found someone he wants to marry. She seems lovely but naive. She wants to live with them after the wedding (as did I) but I am worried she will get tested the way I did. Do I warn her about the inlaws? Or do I let her make her own mistakes? As a woman I don’t want to see another woman suffer.

I would definitely say to her that she would be happier with her own home. You could say to her if you want to know what it was like living with the in-laws, then just ask me.

I’ve kind of already done this.
weve even spoke to the BIL to tell him to get a house first they’ll be happier
issue is, he’s a mommy’s boy and leaving her will be hard for him
I told her that she will be happier and have a better relationship with t them if they move out….
don’t think she took any of it in 🤣

If somebody had told you that your in laws were ghastly would that have stopped you from making the choices you did?

i tried to break off my engagement because of the way they were…
my OH promised we’d move so I stayed..
sounds fickle now I say it out loud but it’s the truth.

People are never grateful for warnings in my experience

If you say too much it’ll just play into their hand of how they think you are. You’ve advised them to get their own house now they have to live their life.

I think it would be reasonable to tell her that you are available anytime to listen if she has anything she would to talk about.

Maybe remind her that you have been there, got the t-shirt

I think you’re right. Thanks. Good advice

The problem with telling her they are awful is she’s new to the family. She doesn’t know them yet. So from her perspective, her in-laws could possibly be awful but you could be the shit-stirring SIL (not saying you are) if you see what I mean. When I got married the SIL I thought was nicer turned out to be not as nice as the other one.

She won’t really understand until she’s in it. She’ll quickly figure out why you guys moved away, the key thing is to that when she wants to leave the in-laws home that BIL just says “yup”.

Nope. I received 'warnings' before I got married. Imo they were about the wrong people. I have a great relationship with the person I was warned about, but have found some other inlaws very challenging.
Her experience may not be the same as yours.
The idea of being available to listen/talk is a good one

In my own experiences in life warning someone about someone else rarely works with rare exceptions. Anyway it sounds like there is a golden child dynamic going on with her DP so he won’t take to it either. Let her figure it out and validate her experience if she raises things with you.

No , you shouldn’t say anything . If they are as horrid as you say , she will find out in her own way . Who knows , maybe they will get on good . If she opens up to you because she has issues with them , then that’s different .

No point. She will have to figure it out herself x

Seriously, no. Don't give any of them (including future SIL) any ammunition against you. Stay away but be nice to her and let her know she can approach you for anything. Then carry on with your life.