Self-esteem issues living with in-laws.

[Plumbibii]

I have been married for 9 years and have lived with in-laws ever since. My MIL is a narcissistic, toxic person, which makes everyday living with them very challenging. I have learned to maintain boundaries where I only speak to her if i need to and don't engage in leisurely conversations with her.

I have 2 girls who are at school, I feel low self esteem all the time when i see other parents being in control of their homes and their lives while I have to live with in laws ( no chance of moving out as no one else at home to stay with them, older son and younger daughter married off). We are financially stable, and I recently quit my job to stay home and focus on my health and kids.

I do all the house chores including cooking everyday as FIL and MIL like freshly cooked food everyday and will make faces and voice taunts if i use a day old curry the next day. My husband is kind, loving and supportive which is what makes it bearable but my self esteem has gone really low.

I don't feel in control of anything, i don't have my own hosue, i merely work in my in laws house. I can't invite my kids friends for playdates as I will have to be tending to my MIL and FIL's food or any chore demands all the time and won't be able to have a nice time with another parent in a relaxed environment. I feel inferior because i do not fit in a culture where everyone does their own chores and have their own houses while i am stuck with people who are still living a century old dream.

Any fellow south asian mumnetters who can relate and advice?

Your husband is not kind and loving if he doesn't want to move out. They can live on their own. You can be nearby. You don;t have to live like this. It's abuse.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

Have you voiced these feelings to your husband? Does he notice how unhappy you are? How does he feel? Would he live with them if he didn't feel an obligation to?

Is there a possibility of you suggesting looking for a house near them? You can still visit them and they visit you and you two can help them when needed, but still have your own space?

My first thought when reading your post was that giving up your job will have no doubt contributed to your feelings of low self-esteem.

You are processing your experience and this is affecting your mental well-being negatively so, an option you have is to talk to your husband about how you feel and what is contributing to that and asking him to help you work together to come up with some possible solutions to address the issues being raised.

It is an option to say and do nothing but this will only make your situation worse I feel.

Why not start a conversation with your husband.

Good luck! 💐

Yes, working even part time would be better for your self-esteem and get you out of the house. My experience as a S Asian is if you don't stand up to your inlaws, they will steamroll you. S Asian men are mostly mummies' boys. But you have one life; don't let them treat you like the help.