Overbearing MILs

[Chocolateobsessed]

I have a newborn and have lived with in-laws since I got married which is a few years now. Overall I’ve been fortunate to have great in-laws who treat me like their daughter. Of course, there will always be differences living with anyone but on the whole can’t complain. However after recently having a baby I have found the MIL especially to be quite overbearing. She has been super helpful and it’s the first grandkid so extra special but I found myself for the first few weeks feeling like I was not needed and inadequate as a mother and everyone could look after my baby without me. I think hormones had a part to play at the start and being the first baby it was all a big change but she was wanting to do everything which crossed the line between being helpful and just taking over my becoming a mother. Over the first couple of months she would even make comments about how my baby doesn’t recognise me because it’s too early then the next day be telling someone else that baby recognises her. I’d heard about MILs who would not want any part in their grandchild’s upbringing but has anyone else had a MIL who you’ve had to find ways of getting her to back off a little so you can be a mother to your own baby? Wondering if any other south Asians have had a similar experience!

Hey lovely, firstly congratulations!!
Ive not experienced it myself as we do not live with mil, however I have heard from friends/family who have experienced this & they have to set boundaries. You need time to bond with the baby as the mother, the baby should be mostly with you for this to happen. If you feel you can’t set the boundaries then ask you DH to speak to mil. Baby will always know mummy & daddy, maybe not anyone else. Think she’s just overally excited being her first grandchild, could also be that she’s just trying to help so you can get some rest but at the same time she’s going OTT. If you have a good relationship with her then speak to her 1-2-1 and let her know how you feel & you’re not getting to bond with your own child.
good luck x

Thanks for the reply @Mummytoofour and for the advice. So far being a bit firm and taking more charge to set boundaries have worked fine, so thankfully haven't had to have any awkward chats. It's definitely excitement and I think they're used to mums who are more hands off whereas I'm very much hands on. I think we've got a better balance now though and MIL still definitely gets plenty time with baby, more than anyone else in fact!

I'm experiencing the same thing, the only difference being that my MIL is cunning, manipulative and dominating in every sense. You can read my post to find out more. Can you tell me how you set boundaries with her, was it you or your DH and what did you tell her to back off a bit?

You need to move out. I lived with my in laws for seven years and they only became overbearing after I had my first child. I still get the odd comment but it’s not as frequent and having your own personal space is so the only way to counter this.