Eating with hands

[fedupathome]

My husband eats with his hands things like rice and curry but I find it turns my stomach.

I've asked him to use a fork or spoon but he won't. Then afterwards the skin on his hands is stained....

I find it revolting.

I know this is an thing in our culture but I've never eaten with my hands like that.

What are other peoples views?

Not my culture, but I don't mind it at all.

What does it matter what other people think?

@LadyKenya I wanted to know if it was just me that finds it off putting and whether anyone else felt the same........

I am Pakistani and we eat certain things with hands but I’ve never mastered eating rice with hands I prefer using spoon with rice because I’m crap at it not because I find it revolting. if you’re really part of the culture I find it odd that it makes your “stomach turn” and you find it “revolting” Surely you’d be used to seeing that. I would find it weird and controlling if my partner told me how to eat my food just because he didn’t like it. Maybe you should LTB.

@magma32 I didn't grow up eating with my hands in my family home like that hence asking the question.

We also never used to eat together often so it wasn't an issue due to working shifts and the timings, but that has changed recently hence why it's more of an issue for me now.

Why did you marry him?

Having said that I’ve noticed someone who licks their plate with their hands as part of culture/religion apparently (something taught by their parents) which I find gross personally but then I’ve never seen anyone else do it and i certainly would see it as my own problem and look away rather than tell them how to eat (unless a child)

You mean you never went out to dinner or anything. How odd.

Are there other things bothering you about him or is this your only gripe? Sometimes there might be something else in the background and it manifests itself in your getting annoyed by stuff that perhaps didn’t bother you before? Sorry just find it hard to believe that you never noticed this before you married him or in the honeymoon period.

@magma32 He only does it at home!
When we go out to eat he uses cutlery.

When we are at family's again he will use cutlery.

Agreed. It seems weird to be so disgusted by something so culturally normal. I eat like an inept gorilla with my hands, but DH is a natural (neither of us Asian, but have a lot of Asian friends whose families we eat with), to the point where we were once eating in a little restaurant somewhere in Kerala where everyone was eating off banana leaves with their hands, and one of the staff went across the road and borrowed a spoon for me, I was so bad.

There's a lot of things that actually bother me this is probably small in comparison.

Things like not contributing financially, not being honest, priorities being wrong eg there's a bill to pay that's due soon and rather than save up and pay he's using his disposable income to buy something for his hobby and expecting me to pay it on his behalf....
Selfish and prioritising himself our me and the kids .

This is what I do not quite understand, it is part of your culture and many others. Why would you start a thread to have posters potentially denigrating what is completely natural to many cultures on the planet? It just seems a bit off.

LadyKenya it just turns my stomach.
I feel like this recently I was never too bothered before .
I can't explain it!

Anyway that is my thoughts about it all. Good Evening.

i thought so OP sorry he’s so shit. If he’s not contributing financially does he do housework etc or is that all on you still? What about mortgage? I would seek some legal advice and prepare to LTB personally. I get sometimes there is pressure to stay for the kids or family pressure etc but you don’t sound like you need him and he sounds utterly useless. And yes the rice thing would seriously piss me off under those circs!

He does minimal housework and childcare.

Legally married and house is in joint names but I pay the mortgage, utilities etc alone .
He earns less than me so it's fallen to me automatically to pay.

He criticises what I can afford to buy the kids eg I can't afford Designer clothes and will make shitty comments but contributes bare minimum and tells me that's what child benefit is for .

The item he wanted to buy for his hobby he saved up secretly for and didn't tell me. When I found out I asked why he's not using that towards his bill , he just smirked and why expect me to pay .

I don't think I'm controlling .

poor you OP
the hands thing is the least of your problems
why not get the CB paid to him, so he can then buy all the children's clothes?
I think you'd be wise to sit down (alone!) and list the pros and cons of this relationship, including what your children are learning from it

Does he come from overseas by any chance while you were brought up here? Sounds very similar to my story 30 years ago. Ex contributed nothing financially and thought he came here to live off me for free. I asked him if I had the letters m u g written on my forehead. He smirked. Everything he did started to annoy me as I had no respect for someone who refused to pay for own children's food.
Threw him out soon after.
Best decision ever made.

This is a massive drip feed, I suspect if he were more of an equal partner in other ways you could overlook bad table manners. Have you ever considered leaving him?

@anniefox He's not from overseas we're both born here. How long before you threw him out?

This thread has made me realise its not the eating with the hands it's him and everything he does is starting to annoy me because of how he treats me. Things that I've overlooked before or weren't a big deal now are.

He's gradually over the years gotten worse.

Yes it is a drip feed. I’m surprised you have come to post about his rice eating and not the other more worrying stuff. I would prepare to leave, see a good solicitor and take it from there. Otherwise you’re forever going to be subjected to him eating rice with his hands and then you’ll start noticing that sound he makes when he chews etc. if you’re doing the cooking and laundry then you need to stop doing it for him and only for yourself and kids. Don’t enable his behaviour. Don’t fund his hobby. Don’t be a doormat.

After 7 years and two children. I wish I'd done it sooner. But when children are involved you have to think twice.
Anyway, it was soon after I finally realised that me and our children would never be a priority in his life. We came after his mother, father, brothers, sisters and even his sister in law!
I wouldn't have minded if he never paid for me but at least feed your children for God's sake! What use are you if you can't even do that? Completely lost respect for that. Figured we were going to be better off without him. I was right.
My children and I have done very well since. He would have dragged us down if I had stayed with him. It would have been a marriage full of resentment and unhappiness.
If he contributes nothing, why is he there?