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South Asian Mumsnetters

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Daughter in law

9 replies

ValerieA · 03/11/2022 05:37

This is a rather complicated posting. My son met a Thai girl on holiday and after several years married her in Thailand - we knew nothing about this until afterwards. She has come to live in UK and we have welcomed her and included in her all aspects of our lives. They now have a daughter together who is very beautiful. My daughter in law came from a poor area in North East Thailand, both mother and father dead - she has a brother and an aunt.

Some weeks ago my son dropped a bombshell. I would seem that his wife has a son of 13 by a previous relationship living with her aunt who they are now bringing to live with them. My son says he has always known about the boy and has been keeping him, ie sending him money, for some time. The boy arrives in the UK tomorrow.

I am extremely worried that my daughter in law could be playing him. Once she has settled status she could divorce him and as she has two children could be awarded the house which he had bought before they met - a non marital asset. She seems to have accrued £25K during their marriage during which time she worked on minimum wage in a care home - no explanation as to where the money has come from. Has he been giving her money as well? She has contributed nothing to the care of her son or the running of the household.

I am not sure how much she cares for my son. She does very little work in the house other than look after the baby. She does not cook for him or does any cleaning all of which he does when he gets home from work. When staying here once, my son was taken ill and we had to take him to hospital. Not once did she ask if he was ok or show any concern.

My son tells me that he is happy that they are all in his life - that is it. Would love someone to tell me that my fears are unfounded.

OP posts:
Hillrunning · 03/11/2022 05:43

Your sin is an adult in a relationship/marriage of many years. If it ends at some point then fine, but it would be an extremely long con if that was her intention from the start.

Why do you know personal finances of your DIL?

fantasmasgoria1 · 03/11/2022 05:51

In some job rolls I have worked with many Filipino staff members. This is a thing a lot of them do. Most send money home especially if there is an older child at home. Some send money for parent medical care etc.

GingerPigz · 03/11/2022 05:53

I can understand your concerns - as a mum you care deeply for your son and that will always be your priority...

... But your son says he is happy so let that be enough for now and do everything you can to support him and his decisions. Even if it does go wrong and your fears prove to be founded - your son's current happiness makes it all worth while.

Rinatinabina · 03/11/2022 06:03

Yeah I understand your concern, The not contributing to the household and no concern over your son while he was on hospital etc. The cleaning and cooking well she has a baby to look after (and a job?) so I don’t think him doing that is particularly terrible unless she never does a single thing in the home. I can understand him not mentioning the 13yr old, that type of thing goes down badly in asian families sometimes but she should have been supporting her own son.

TBH your son sounds very kind, was he not upset that she wasn’t bothered about him being in hospital? You can’t do anything about it, he won’t listen and anything negative you say will just distance him from you. I would just quietly support.

Teeshirt · 03/11/2022 06:04

fantasmasgoria1 · 03/11/2022 05:51

In some job rolls I have worked with many Filipino staff members. This is a thing a lot of them do. Most send money home especially if there is an older child at home. Some send money for parent medical care etc.

But the Thai wife isn’t doing that, though. That’s half the point.

qwerdi · 03/11/2022 06:16

Your son is an adult who is married.

Stop questioning his marriage.

You sound like you are prejudiced against his wife.

If his marriage fails, support him the same way you would if he had been married to anyone else.

ValerieA · 03/11/2022 08:58

Yes my son is an adult and I want to support and help all I can. To clarify - I know about her money as son said he told her to put it into premium bonds and that she has £25K worth of them.

Her English isn't good, they seem to have nothing in common, no shared likes or activities, which worries me. They come here a lot and now I will also have her son to stay. The reason I say this is because I have defended her to my daughter who thinks she is scamming her brother & now my daughter won't speak to me - has cut off all contact with us.

I am distraught and really don't know what to do or think about everything.

OP posts:
ValerieA · 03/11/2022 11:08

Thank you :) - yes I know I mustn't interfere but I am a bit worried. Only time will tell I guess.

OP posts:
ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 03/11/2022 11:21

Your story sounds very similar to other stories I have heard about Thai brides. If it were my son I would be worried and would Keep my eyes and ears open.

When my children were little there was a lovely Thai mum who had two children at our school with her English husband. The older girl in my daughter's class was full Thai conceived when she went back home to visit family. The younger one was mixed race and looked like her father.
She ended up getting the husband kicked out of the family home he inherited from his parents saying he was sexually abusing the children and we would see her in a Rolls Royce with an old man regularly.
Then we found out she was working in a restaurant in the city which was a knocking shop and that was where she met the old guy.
The husband ? A quiet almost reclusive man ended up an alcoholic. We all felt terribly sorry for him and she carried on as if everything was fine. Lovely to look at but what a horror of a human being

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