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South Asian Mumsnetters

This board exists primarily for the use of South Asian Mumsnetters. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful.

Contact ex in laws?

7 replies

rmummyofone · 23/10/2022 12:17

Should I keep contact?

I left my abusive husband august 4th this year, he sent me a divorce 18th Sept. we share a 2.5 year old, after the divorce and a lot of discussions with family with how bad the last 3 almost 4 years have been I was advised by my family to report him to the police. I’m in the UK.

I wasn’t aware what I experienced was abuse, and that’s the reason I was who I’ve become, an empty shell with a broken spirit. I do recall posting on here last summer and also anonymously on mumsnet & was made aware a lot of these things aren’t normal but I would often gaslight myself into believing maybe I’m overreacting / these people don’t understand bc they don’t follow my religion.

To put the last 3 years shortly, I was forced to cover my face, I couldn’t work with males at my job unless he approved, I couldn’t control my own finances, he would often criticise me and humiliate me in front of family subtly how he knew it would hurt. He’d use religious scripture to manipulate me into sleeping with him, made revenge porn threats all while cheating on me online multiple times in our marriage. keep in mind he is seen as a religious figure in our community.

In terms of child contact he hasn’t harmed our child in any way directly, and nor has his family. I do believe I’d like to share custody of our son after coming to an appropriate agreement. However since approaching the police they advised not to send the child until things are more clear.

My Q is, though HE has abused me, I miss his family dearly especially his mother. My child’s grandmother, is it appropriate for me to keep contact with his parents? Just parents. Via FaceTime etc.

The police investigation is still underway, he or his family don’t know I have approached the police & won’t until the police arrest him for whatever their charges are (I am not aware of these myself yet)

OP posts:
Orchidflower1 · 25/10/2022 06:05

I would keep your distance for the time being. It would be manipulated against you by ex.

Moon22 · 25/10/2022 06:13

I agree, keep your distance for now, whilst the investigation is ongoing at least. See how it pans out and if the family contact you/offer you any support.
In an ideal world, they will want to keep in touch and offer you some support, but unfortunately doesn't always work out like that, it's possible that they might see you as the 'home wrecker,' take your ex's side, no matter what he says/has done.
Hopefully you have some friends/family of your own that can support you for now?

rmummyofone · 02/11/2022 17:07

@Moon22 @Orchidflower1 thank you so much. I took the advice on board and decided to hold back just in case.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 02/11/2022 17:11

Given how horrifically abusive your ex is, I don't think you should ever have his family in your life. Who knows what information he could get through them or how he could react. It's just not worth it. Your safety and your child's safety should be paramount.

Rinatinabina · 02/11/2022 17:27

i also think you have to bear in mind that he is still their son and the nicest of people will excuse or minimise abuse. I’m so sorry you went through that Xx

There may be an opportunity later once everything has calmed down to re-establish some sort of contact.

rmummyofone · 02/11/2022 18:04

@Rinatinabina thank you I think you're right

@Aquamarine1029 yes absolutely why I'm taking him to court to cover my own back when it comes to child contact.

OP posts:
Naddd · 23/05/2023 14:08

I dont know what you decided to do

As you probably already know in the se community the sons can often do no wrong. Once they find out about police you'll be blamed

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