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South Asian Mumsnetters

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Original poster

Mil Issues

6 replies

Wildflour · 22/08/2022 07:36

Posting in here as I want answers from people from the same cultural background.

Ive been married 10yrs now and always had issues with Mil. We decided to move out which made it easier to live & not have her negative vibe & bitterness around!
shes always been very horrible about me behind my back & I’ve told her many times she shouldn’t be saying anything about me.
Ive come to know she’s been saying some really horrible stuff & things that aren’t true to my sister in law (husbands cousin). She only has 1 son, so we are basically all she has in this country & our kids.
Things she’s said about me to her in this past 2weeks:

  1. she goes gym but look at the size of her she’s still so fat
  2. Either of them don’t do anything for me (while crying down the phone to her)
  3. She only leaves the kids here when she has something to do
  4. She makes me cook for them
  5. Don’t take me out anywhere

These are some of the things she’s said and my sister in law told me. We do everything for her to make her life easy, yes we don’t take her out much but doesn’t mean she doesn’t go with friends. We’ve got 2 young kids and tbh don’t have time. She offers to cook and we accept.
Shes never going to change is she?
my husband has told her endless times but she does it again & again, so this time I had a word with her and she said she wouldn’t do it again. But my main issue here is, my husbands been pissed off with me since! Wtf! He’s saying you know sil is shit stirring why do you talk to her or let this stuff get to you, you know my mums not going to change, yes it’s wrong what she said but she’s not going to change.

where do I go from here?

OP posts:
Original poster
Wildflour · 22/08/2022 08:11

Also just to add, when I spoke to her about it yesterday I also told her if she carries on she won’t be seeing our kids anymore.

my reasons for this are I don’t want them to bought up around this negativity & god knows what she could be saying to them when I’m not around!

it’s probably wrong of me saying it, but I did.

OP posts:
Ihaveanoldiphone · 22/08/2022 14:30

I agree with your husband about talking to your sis in law, I’m assuming his brother’s wife. You know, they can be notorious for shit stirring so I would not speak to her about family stuff. My own sis in law is text book so I know not to speak to her.

i went really low contact with my in laws due to their toxicity that of course, my Dh couldn’t really do much about but at least yours is on your side. Don’t say anything to your mil as you don’t know how much of it is true. Carry on as you are but stop listening to sis in law. These are all just words she’s allegedly said, what has she actually done? Just carry on living your life and treat her with care and respect so if she’s going to bitch behind your back let her, don’t take any notice.

Ihaveanoldiphone · 22/08/2022 14:33

Sorry I have read she’s your husband’s cousin. Honestly I would not speak to her going forward, asian families ime experience are rarely routing for the outsider daughter in law, there’s an ulterior motive otherwise why is she getting involved like this. Like I said unless mil is doing something like overstepping boundaries I would let her attitude go, you have no evidence she’s plotting against you, you are singing to someone else’s tune.

Xyzzzzz · 22/08/2022 14:42

Ihaveanoldiphone · 22/08/2022 14:30

I agree with your husband about talking to your sis in law, I’m assuming his brother’s wife. You know, they can be notorious for shit stirring so I would not speak to her about family stuff. My own sis in law is text book so I know not to speak to her.

i went really low contact with my in laws due to their toxicity that of course, my Dh couldn’t really do much about but at least yours is on your side. Don’t say anything to your mil as you don’t know how much of it is true. Carry on as you are but stop listening to sis in law. These are all just words she’s allegedly said, what has she actually done? Just carry on living your life and treat her with care and respect so if she’s going to bitch behind your back let her, don’t take any notice.

I agree. Many of my husbands relatives are the same. I just keep it civil but don’t mix much.

Original poster
Wildflour · 22/08/2022 20:37

Ihaveanoldiphone · 22/08/2022 14:33

Sorry I have read she’s your husband’s cousin. Honestly I would not speak to her going forward, asian families ime experience are rarely routing for the outsider daughter in law, there’s an ulterior motive otherwise why is she getting involved like this. Like I said unless mil is doing something like overstepping boundaries I would let her attitude go, you have no evidence she’s plotting against you, you are singing to someone else’s tune.

Yesterday I was so pissed off that I confronted Mil, she actually didn’t deny any of it. Although what she did say was, ‘I told her not to say anything to you but why did she tell you’! Wtf! My mil is clearly deluded and honestly thinks what comes out of her mouth 99% of the time is actually okay - she had mouths EVERYONE, so when sil told me - I really wasn’t surprised.

OP posts:
Ihaveanoldiphone · 22/08/2022 21:07

If she won’t apologise or even acknowledge that’s she’s done something wrong I would go very low contact or even no contact with her so no childcare or anything. It’s not worth the energy the confrontations etc. I think that’s where you’re headed as you can’t tolerate her. I would also stop contact with the cousin as well as you’re jeopardising your relationship with your Dh if you carry on as that will wind him up, whether she’s telling the truth or not, it’s all about motives and I do not think she’s your friend.

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