Coping strategies for long visits from the inlaws

[Olinguita]

Anyone have in-laws who visit for long periods of time from India/Pakistan etc (I'm talking months not weeks)? If so, how do you cope?
I'm white British and I hope it's ok for me to post this here. My white friends don't get it, they can't believe relatives would visit for more than a week!
MIL isn't a bad person but her visits mean my space gets taken over, routines get disrupted, DH regresses back to being a kid, and it all ends up being a bit much.
She is an amazing cook (Indian veg meals cooked from scratch and fresh rotis!) and I would never begrudge her time with her son and grandson (DS is 9 months, first grandchild). But the strain from her visits is immense. I get nitpicked constantly, she swings from being bossy and domineering to totally helpless so it feels like I have another kid to deal with. Some of my attempts to push back and set boundaries in my own home mean DH goes ballistic. A polite request from me to MIL and DH turn the heating down one night because my then-newborn son was getting too warm and I was worried about him overheating ended up in a flurry of accusations from DH that I was disrespecting his mum and being manipulative and goady. It's like this whole other side to him comes out when his mum comes to stay.
MIL is fluent in English, mid-60s, no health problems and has lived for chunks of her life in the UK.
She arrives on Sunday. I want to be culturally appropriate but at the same time I don't want to be a doormat. Help!!

DH regresses back to being a kid
flurry of accusations from DH
DH goes ballistic

I think it’s your DH you need to be talking to.

Hi @Olinguita, I’m Indian heritage but have always lived in the UK, and I find the long visits of my own extended family exhausting, let alone having in laws visit! My suggestions would be think of any a) escapes you can have - eg going for a bath, going out to meet a friend for coffee, gym, etc, and have these scheduled in at regular intervals through the week, so you know you can get some time out when you need to. Also b) decide on any particular hard lines you need - eg are you fine for MIL to take over cooking as she sees fit, and to change DC’s naptimes, but not happy for her to get your child’s haircut/go through their wardrobe and clear out clothes/change bedtimes? Will it upset you if she raises a particular subject? Then I’d have a calm and frank chat with your husband about both a and b, saying that you want MIL to feel welcome but you also need to feel happy in your own house, and make sure he supports you to politely but firmly impose your boundaries. It also helps me to focus on the good things, e.g how loving relatives are towards my DC, and how they expose them to new food, stories etc - I try really hard not to sweat the small stuff and pick my battles (easier said than done!)

You definitely need to consider your DH’s role in this. You are trying to respectful of his culture but he also needs to be sensitive to yours.

But from a practical point of view, can you break the visit up maybe with a trip to see your own family at some point? Use the opportunity to see more of your own friends so DH and MIL can have time together?