Hi all
As stated above my relationship of 18 years is coming to a end and I cannot stop blaming myself and now wondering if I will almost be a burden to anyone that comes my way all my life and be alone forerver.
He has also not been perfect My husband cheated through out our relationship and recently found out he had a affair with a work colleague. He has often blamed cheating on me and ever since he came across finding out I have adhd autism or both he has been calling me horrible names and basically blaming everything on me highlighting everything I do example interrupting when he's talking, house maintenance always half done forgetting things etc I have not been easy to live with at the slightest due to these reasons I do try and note things down on calendars etc Im not a argumentative person so a lot of the time he says things and I just go quite he then tells me I don't listen when in fact I am. we also have 3 children 17 10 and 5, and my 10 year old son is severely autistic. 17 year old currently being assessed for adhd has been giving problems got kicked out of school recently. So we have had a lot going on. He also got a flat not long after my youngest was born saying he needed time for himself due to me being such hard work, so he stays there sometimes although I wasn't happy about it I again felt bad for him that I'm not making his life any easier due to the things I struggle with.When having arguments he will blame me and my family for giving my children these conditions that they will struggle with and that no one will want to be with me I have basically accepted that if we seperate I will be alone for the rest of my life whilst he moves on so easily it's completely broken me 💔 I have no confidence at all, I wouldn't Evan been able to grieve the relationship knowing he is too as he is basically showing that he couldn't care. I've been made to feel stupid and so worthless. I also feel very stupid for forgiving him all these years most recently his affair led to the woman being pregnant I found out by looking through his phone and realised he asked her her to terminate and told her he was in fact in a relationship. I still basically bypassed that. Starting to really believe I'm so vulnerable I just get walked over but part of me also blames myself for making his life so difficult all these years him being behind me about things, all children having different struggles I blame myself so much ðŸ˜I also suffer from anxiety and almost certain I am depressed. he tells me all the time I'm textbook as he's read on Reddit etc about relationships being broken due to adhd partners and blaming me for everything, Apart from the issues I struggle with forgetfulness organising around the house doing half jobs and interrupting etc, I am a very loving person I try my best every day and to the outside world no one would know of my struggles. I do most things with our children I al their advocate basically in all things I have never cheated on him or made him feel the way he's made me feel i can't understand how he can be so cold ? is there anyone in similar position ? Does anyone feel like I do or am I in his own words just seeking pitty and completely in the wrong ? What support worked for anyone undiagnosed etc ? Did medication help ? I know the relationship is basically over, but becouse he knows I rely on him to watch kids if I ever need to do anything i think he will eventually if we seperate not have three kids at all to spite me. Sorry for the long post x