Am I worrying over nothing ?

[Mummaunicorn]

Hey so my eldest daughter is 9 and since she started school iv always notices that she isn’t like the other children her age iv always mentioned to teacher who say “I’ll keep an eye” but never seem to make anything of it her first school year was horrendous I was called in every lady because of incidents usually stuff that she had just been blamed for but then wouldn’t speak up about. I have taken her to the drs about it and first time I was told it’s the schools problem and last Rome I finally got a cahms referral only to receive a letter from cahms saying they didn’t receive enough information regarding my daughter so would not be offering any support and I would need to wait 18 months before I try get another referral.
There are soo many things that I pick up on with her I just don’t even know where o should be looking for an answer so I’m hoping someone with experience may be able to help, I’m going to list the things.
Untidy: like she can’t seem to understand there’s mess around her, she hides rubbish and dirty clothes.
Very messy eater at 9 years old her clothes are all stained with food and her face is always covered
She zones out I can have a full conversation with myself and she has no idea I’m even talking
She watches and listens to the same song and film repeatedly
She struggles with academics she can barley recite the alphabet
She still throws tantrums ie throwing herself on the floor and there’s just no reasoning with her
She act very very impulsively e.g her sister was drinking out a bottle and she smacked it into her face it chipped her tooth she said she didn’t know why she did it
She has no road sense
She can’t pick up on social cues
She is very particular about clothes has to have her socks pulled up trouser pulled up high and shoe laces always wants one undone
Hates her hair being brushed she literally screams
I have a right game getting her to bathe
A lot of people just think she’s a difficult child But she isn’t she is honestly the most loving girl ever, the school aren’t doing anything about as she isn’t causing issues at school they have mentioned being borderline dyslexic but that’s it. So am I over reacting and over thinking these things ?? I have 2 other daughters and hate to say i do but I can’t help but compare how my 4 year old can behave better and understand things. Any advice greatly appreciated

Hi I wouldnt dare to diagnose your child as they are all so different however I do agree some things seem to be a bit alarming. For me its a zoning out that speaks more than the rest. I would talk with GP and ask for referral . Write it all down before hand and take with you. I hope it will be all okay, its always better to be on a safe side and check with people that are there to help. X

No I don't think you are worrying over nothing. A lot of what you describe is unusual for a 9 year old. It sounds like there are a lot of sensory issues, and problems with co ordination if she is such a messy eater. Does she struggle with handwriting too?

Are the tantrums actually meltdowns when she becomes totally overwhelmed?

As a child my son used to zone out and would not even respond to his name. He was also a messy eater and had sensory issues over all sorts of things -clothes, labels, haircuts, various sounds etc.

He had no social skills and no idea how to behave appropriately. He also had no sense of danger either in the house (regularly climbing out of the window onto the roof) or outside near roads.

He could not cope with change and would have a meltdown if something happened out of the ordinary or his routine was changed for any reason.

He was diagnosed with autism when he was nearly 8.

I would go to your GP with the list of things you have written and anything else you have noticed and ask for a referral to a paediatrician.

If she is struggling at school, you could ask for an EHC Needs assessment. You can apply yourself. Information here:

www.ipsea.org.uk/ehc-needs-assessments