Terrible melt downs 8 year old

[Ma1Br2Ie3]

Dont know how to cope with my sons aggressive melt downs...today for example nan picked him up from school she told him his left from his right and he was insistent that she was wrong and here started a major melt down all the way home which included screaming and shouting and aggressive hitting her...it took over an hour to walk home instead of the usual 30 mins...and it worn my mum out...she picked him up as I am at work...but at the moment I am off sick because of vision problems (double vision) so not that great getting around...I did discuss whether he had questions or worried about this but he said no and we have assured him that it nothing serious...today when he got home he refused to come in and just stood outside ...we closed the door and just stood in he porch waiting for him (I know that that if I ask him to come in it will make it worse and it's best at time to leave him to calm down and come in on his own) but today he kicked the door glass window and broke it.

He has seen a pediatrician who thinks he may have autism so he is on the waiting list...but he can also be a very loving child always wanting hugs and kiss...constantly telling me he loves me..but today I am feeling l failed him terribly and I am a terrible parents...have ask for help in controlling his melt downs but non given

I have no personal experiences with autism but I know someone who has a child with PDA which is like a subtype within autism... obviously no one can tell over the internet but if he is showing behaviours when your asking him to do something etc then maybe its worth looking at it from a different perspective ie it may be the demands and the asking that is causing him anxiety and thats why he is having meltdowns. i dont know what to suggest but im posting also to bump this so hopefully someone with more experiance can reply

My dd has pda, it's a disorder on its own that is highly linked with autism which my dd was first diagnosed with. He sounds very similar to my dd, it's basically an extreme reaction to being told directly that they are wrong or being told to do something basic like get dressed or go to bed or time for school, all the above can cause major meltdowns as the child feels they are out of control and have no control over things so it brings on fear that brings on anxiety that comes out as anger and irritability and crying. It's very hard for them and you but there is a lot of information out there now, look at pda.org.uk