oppositional defiant disorder (ODD)?

[MumOnMyOwn]

Hello, I believe my 9yr old (almost 10) son may have ODD. He displays behaviours described with this disorder. He has moments where he’s so defiant, angry, borderline abusive, and won’t let up or leave me alone. Often unusually angry and irritable. (He can’t articulate why he’s angry) Frequently loses his temper and is easily annoyed. Never had issues at school and his dad doesn’t seem to have issues. I’m a single mum and his dad is in Navy so he’s always away. I’ve not told many people about the borderline abuse, only my sister who doesn’t live in the UK. Although not diagnosed, I believe he has anxiety and is also currently being assessed for dyslexia (which is taking ages!!)
Not many are familiar with ODD. I feel talking to my friends may be helpful to offload, but I’m tired of hearing it’s just hormones and normal behaviour. I’m desperate and need some advise please 😢

My friend's sister has a son with ODD officially diagnosed and he will soon be moving to a special school here in Sydney.
He has however had constant problems at school and been suspended expelled from when he was very young (he was 6 the first time that had to change school). .
I have seen him several times as every time he is suspended, he will spend the day at my friend's house while the mother works and my friend talked to me a lot about him.

My understanding is that he wouldn't display this attitude at home only. But everywhere, at school, on the bus, at the pool, with his dad, a sitter.
Sadly from what you describe, I don't think the diagnosis fit. He seems like a very angry little boy. Hopefully someone more knowledgeable will come forward.
My only suggestion, would be to remove all screens for a week, and see if it makes a difference. I once had tp translate a book on the effect of screens and children's brain and it was a very scary work. It changed my perception of screens forever. Go screen free both of you for a week. Go to your local library and take the max amount of books you can, borrow board games, have the week planned (Monday pool, Tuesday park, Wednesday bowling, Thursday duck pond, Friday meal out, Saturday bike ride....) do not just remove screens in a empty and bored house. And the no screen applies to you as well. NO phones, iPad.
Try it. It is a week.

And @MumOnMyOwn
you should have this discussion moved to www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs because you have posted it in " genetic conditions' which is a bit niche

Best wishes

Of thanks, hadn’t realised I posted in wrong chat. Not posted for years!

Thanks

He rarely uses screens and he doesn’t have a phone. I’ve always been a bit old school with technology use, as I feel I communicate better with him and he’s behaves better without screens

Thanks

@MumOnMyOwn I think old school is very good

Have you tried speaking with your GP? Could you book an appointment with his teacher and ask how to get some professional help, because defiant disorder or not, something is making him and you very unhappy. You say his dad is forces, maybe you can access to some resources through him, even if he us away. I would imagine, many families - I know you are a single mum, but still - are facing separation and worry and anger, and what is not offered by the NHS , could be given by the Navy.

Could you record some of the episodes with a camera on a shelf? What are the triggers? Is it when you ask him to do something like brushing his teeth or get ready to school? Is it only in the house, or does it happen when you are out together as well (supermarket, café, ..) ?
To have the discussion moved, the easiest thing is to report your discussion, and they will move it for you.