I think he has PDA or some sensory/attachment issues

[shitmumatwitsend]

He's nearly 6

Is violent towards me

Seems manipulative

Combing his hair seems like I torture him

Some clothes seem like torture to him

Screams for hours on end

Decided he is right and cannot be convinced otherwise e.g. A friend told him they know everything... he genuinely believes they do and believes everything they say

He used to not wee, and would get violent until forced to empty his bladder... could go hours without, never wet his bed ever, potty trained very early but then the aggression because he wouldn't wee. Had an ultrasound and it isn't physical and definitely a behaviour issue

He takes things incredibly literally

He has a memory that is spooky - remembers details of days years ago

Is very bossy and doesn't understand the difference between adult and child ... responds back to me the same as I to him eg thinks he can tell me off or boss me around

Doesn't seem attatched to me whatsoever- a week passed without him missing me on holiday, every time I called he said he was busy and didn't want to talk then when I hung up tantrummed till I phoned back then again said he was busy

Smiles at other people having pain, especially me

Misses and cries over friends who moved away that he wasn't very close to at all

Is quite nasty to some animals e.g. Birds he thinks it's fun to chase and frighten but seems spookily connected to some cats and dogs and is very compassionate to some animals

Adores babies but thinks they can do things they can't - e.g. Will try showing them how to do cartwheels etc, when I explain they aren't big enough he will argue that some cartoon character can

Makes up stuff a lot - lies that he's done things he hasn't eg he's been with me and will claim he's been with someone else

Says extreme things - like I starve him if I don't allow him sweets.

Has lots of nosebleeds

If he's sick he doesn't want cuddles and cannot be pacified

Takes solid objects to bed for comfort e.g. Plastic cars

Plays with teddies and toys normally otherwise

Excellent language and spoke very early

Excellent motor skills way beyond his age, it's very noticeable next to his peers

I am lost. And worn out. How do I fix this???

I would do the following

Write a list of all concerns/difficulties and go to GP and ask for a referral to community paediatrician for assessment. I had to return to the GP several times during which time I was losing my mind-so I would suggest not taking no for an answer if you are really struggling. We ended up getting a private assessment from an nhs paed due to all the time wasted being fobbed off (DS has ASD/PDA)

The explosive child by Ross Greene is a very good book and is often recommended here. Lots of sound advice about helping your child with their difficulties

Trust your gut. Don’t let others tell you it’s a lack of firm enough boundaries if you know firm boundaries aren’t making a difference or are making things worse. My DS needs me to be very flexible/adaptable to manage and to reduce his anxiety and enable him to cope. Rigid rules are disastrous (bar non negotiable ones regarding e.g hurting others etc) for us and I avoid them at all costs. Collaboration has been key for us as has unpicking what his behaviour actually means rather than what it might look like at first glance

www.amazon.co.uk/Understanding-Pathological-Avoidance-Syndrome-Essentials/dp/1849050740/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ref=plSrch&keywords=books+on+pda&dpPl=1&dpID=51DJSn8xJyL&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1533420658&sr=8-1

I found this book v helpful too

m.youtube.com/watch?v=jvzQQDfAL-Q

This is the first in a series of videos by Explosive child author. DH isn’t a reader so he watched these to get his head round Dr Greene’s approach/philosophy

There is also a website you might find useful

www.livesinthebalance.org