The Dark Side: Surviving the Narcissistic Boss

[StickyPuddingStealer]

Hello 🙂

I’m reaching out in the hope of gathering insights from anyone who has dealt with similar challenges. I’m currently working with a founder whose narcissistic tendencies are creating a highly toxic work environment, and I’d really appreciate any advice or personal stories you can share.

While the term “narcissistic” is often overused, it’s the most accurate way to describe the concerning behaviours I’ve been experiencing, including constantly shifting from, “we’re a strong team—you guys are the chosen ones” to “you’re all a waste of space.” It’s a constant rollercoaster, and it’s taking a toll on everyone involved.

Here’s a snapshot of the issues we’re facing:

1.	Financial mismanagement—Racking up personal expenses in the thousands, followed by aggressive outbursts when questioned.
2.	Creating tension through sulking, direct and passive sarcasm.
3.	Driving wedges between leadership team members.
4.	Micromanaging and constantly undermining decisions made by others.
5.	Belittling colleagues and minimising their contributions.
6.	Manipulating situations to align with their personal agenda.
7.	Establishing a “golden child” vs “scapegoat” dynamic among employees.
8.	Constantly seeking admiration and praise.
9.	Isolating team members in unnecessary one-on-one interactions to assert control.
10.	Vindictive reactions when their ego feels threatened.

I’m really interested in learning how others have navigated similar situations, protected their interests, and maintained their mental well-being. What strategies have helped you address these issues? How did you preserve your sense of balance in such a challenging environment?

After a particularly difficult meeting today, I’m feeling drained and unsettled. It would be reassuring to hear from others who’ve been through something similar. Thank you so much in advance for any advice or shared experiences - I truly appreciate it.

Can you not just get another job ?

This is what I did:
I told her that I would not tolerate being spoken to like that and she could stick her job where the sun don't shine, picked up my bag and walked out.

Thanks for the suggestion! I totally get why it seems like the simple answer, but as a shareholder and someone who’s invested a lot into the company, it’s not that straightforward. I’m trying to find a way through while looking after my well-being.

Well I wish you luck with it and admire your staying power but I doubt they'll change. I hope someone comes along with some constructive advice and things improve for you but it sounds miserable to be coping with the that and cutting your losses might save your sanity.

I admire your confidence in standing up for yourself like that! Trust me, I’d love to do the same, but being a shareholder makes things more complicated. That said, I’m definitely focused on setting firmer boundaries moving forward.

Thanks for sharing your experience - it’s really helpful to hear how others have handled similar situations.

I had one boss who:

Used to come into the office at 12 midnight/or 1am and sign in. We had a sign in book and the looks we gave each other in the morning knowing he’d been in were funny thinking back.

He used to go through your desk and anything ‘inappropriate’ was left on the top of your desk, this included tampons/jelly beans/whatever he didn’t deem suitable for your desk. He had spare keys to all desks…

He loved you one minute and wanted to sack you the next.

His wife who was “HR” used to walk round the office at around 4pm ish and say “oh is it going to a late one tonight”. They often expected you to stay until 9/10pm with no overtime or toil. Some stayed, I left on time. Fuck that.

He micromanaged all 40 of us (or tried to)

Get out now is my advice OP. Don’t try to reason with a boss like this, there’s no point in trying to survive a workplace like this either. I felt drained for 4 years in that place then he tried to tell me he’d decide when I left after I handed in my 3 month notice. In the end he never decided when I left as I walked out but he kept some people in that god awful place for a month or so past their notice period as they were terrified to leave without a reference.

Edited to add you never mentioned you were a shareholder in your first post. That could put a completely different spin on replies you receive on how to manage this situation.

I’ll report my post to ask for it to be added as I can’t edit it myself now and it was a major thing not specify. Thank you.

Your ex boss sounds unhinged. I’m pleased you got out. It is utterly utterly draining.

Who else is a shareholder?

I assume you're a shareholder because you anticipate making money from the shares because you believe in the business. The founder had the ideas energy and motivation to set up and build the business. So whatever they have done or behaved has been successful and you've literally profited from that style. So I'd be less critical of them tbh.

But orgs usually have a crisis of leadership at some point in their growth, typically when the founders style becomes less useful as to sustain growth a more collegiate and delegated structure is needed. Does the founder have plans to exit at any point?