I've strated my dream business and am totally and utterly miserable three months later

[onarollercoaster]

So after years of successfully managing businesses in my sector and loving it, I took the plunge, (a big one!) and started my own.
All was initially well, BUT three months in I am absolutely miserable and depressed to the point I can hardly get out of bed anymore.

I've realised, that starting this business, after the initial excitement, is the least fun thing I have ever done and I am so lonely.

I'm not one for socialising in the evenings and I've realised that my fulfilling human interactions come from my work colleagues and now of course I have none. I'm a one man band and the business is not in a position to have 'staff' in this early stage.

I can't believe how utterly miserable and lonely I feel. I don't have anyone to bounce off, commiserate with and it has affected my mental health more than I ever thought it could.

This really has taken me by surprise and I just wasn't expecting this. Now I just don't know what to do with myself. I'll have to shut the business down, but then what. I thought this was going to be my thing but it just isn't and I feel like a right idiot.

Can I ask what your business is? Is it customer facing at all? Why did you want to start it in the first place - is it something you’re passionate about?

Don’t feel bad OP! Thus is definitely one of the major challenges if going self-employed and something that a lot of people struggle with.

Have you joined any local groups or connected with any other sole traders / SE / freelancers / local business owners?

If there is nothing going locally, you could start up a local group using meetup.

Renting desk or office space can be helpful for getting out and being round people and maintaining a sense of structure.

Accountability partners, coaches, and online groups can all be really helpful in staying on track.

Also check out online platforms such as focusmate, where you can work ‘with’ others online, which can make a massive difference and break that feeling of isolation.

There are also thriving communities on facebook, linkedin, etc. where you can find and offer support and share ideas with other SE & business owners. Off the top of my head ‘Freelance heroes’ on facebook is one, I’m sure there are loads of others.

My business is in equine. Yes it is customer facing.

I am hugely passionate about it and have managed and loved managing equine establishments for many years.

I left my last post a couple of years ago after my team and I fulfilled everything we wanted to and grew the business I was managing to its maximum output. I then took a break and went teaching for a couple of years. I then found myself with the opportunity to start my own and it's what I have always wanted - truly, or thought I did. Now I'm in this mess.

OP I'm in a similar position to you (but totally unrelated role) - set up on my own and I am hating it. I don't want to be told what to do but I want to bounce ideas around and get reassurance, have someone who gets what's going on to talk to. I'm considering jacking it in to start again with a partner.

Some things which have helped a bit:

• really moaning to DH and not holding back on the details 😅
• speaking to friends who are also on startup journeys for support and accountability
• looking for a business partner to come on and share some equity and responsibility with me (but that hasn't worked out in the longer term!)

Good luck, it's a hard road!

I hear you, OP. I found myself
inadvertently running a business with my partner after being furloughed from my full time job back in 2020.

I decided to take the plunge and partially leave my career to help him out full time. It’s been a ride like no other, like being on a rollercoaster. Some weeks I’m up, others I’m down. The financial pressures of recent years haven’t helped.

You just have to keep trying different things, see what works, learn what doesn’t. Make mistakes.

If you’re lonely, try a communal office space?

Agree with everything a PP mentions about joining a business federation which represents your industry. They all have Facebook groups where you can reach out and get advice from people who’ve all been through it before.

Also, look out for a really good business mentor. Some local councils offer these services for free to local entrepreneurs. They can help you focus, stay on track.

Try to remind yourself daily why you started the business. Find positive business affirmations online and repeat them to yourself.

Listen to podcasts about successful people. I like “How to Fail”, where successful people honestly explain the highs and lows of getting to the top. It’s not an easy path.

Please speak to someone about your mental health, too. You really must. Call someone. A counsellor, friend or family member. Look after your health. Try for 20
minutes of exercise each day.

And remember, you are NOT AN IDIOT. You are really, really fucking brave for taking a chance and doing something that 99% of people would be afraid to do.

Sending you love, OP.

Could you get a part time job in the same industry and run your own business alongside it? It might make you feel less lonely and miserable if you have the interaction of a workplace again for half your working week. Plus would be a great way to scope out a potential partner.

Sometimes the theory or at least the ‘setting up’ is more exciting than the actual practice so it’s ok to feel this way. But you can’t keep doing it if there’s no enjoyment in it. Otherwise you’ll head for more misery, boredom, loneliness etc. So you either need to find a way to make it enjoyable or admit it’s not for you and go back to working with other people.

Either way you should be proud of taking the leap in the first place. Many people don’t and regret not ever trying.

Are you running your own livery yard?

If so, I'm not surprised you're hating it if you work solo.

It's a bloody hard old slog

I used to do this – my part time job was a relaxing break from the stresses of running your own business! I enjoyed the routine and interaction, and enjoyed my own stuff more as a result.

How are you doing, OP?

Hi OPAm in the same situation - desperately need another person to bounce off too.
could always bung it on here, I’ll listen!
tho I’m definitely not equine, more prahics.

Do you have any contacts who might be interested in going into partnership with you?

Graphics!