I hate myself :(

[heelforheelandtoefortoe]

After losing 5 stone from 2018-2020, in the pandemic period of 2020-2022, I have put it nearly all back on.

I hate myself. I look like a ball. Nothing fits but I don't want to buy anything bigger.

I'm disabled so I can't get to a gym or drive. I work full time from home, and its permanent home based and lunch is hardly any time at all to go for a walk, then its pitch black by the time I finish work.

My main issue is really food. I know, from doing SW before, what I should and shouldn't be eating, but I'm eating far too many snacks and takeaways.

I can't seem to get motivated to get back into the diet.

I cry most days. I really hate how I look.

DH is also very overweight and doesn't care about it, so that doesn't really help me either, he doesn't stop me from dieting but doesn't really help my motivation either iykwim.

I need motivation and help from you lot please. I can't stop eating!

I mean this with kindness. I think you're main issue is self hatred rather than food.

If you can start to let go of that hatred and shame you will naturally be in a better place to live healthier.

How about writing 3 things that you like about yourself each day. Maybe do that for a week or so and then gradually make some small changes to help you get into some heathier habits.

I’d second the PP above. Recovering from an emotional dependence on food is hard, and self hate makes it almost impossible. Why should you hate yourself - you are a human being with as much right to be loved and cherished as anyone else. Your weight has no impact on that.

Loosing weight to be healthier or like the way you look more is perfectly reasonable of course. Shahroo Izadi’s The Last Diet is good on emotional eating, and Ranjan Chatterjees loose weight feel great is good on the simple principles of weight loss.

Systems like SW help some people but can be destructive for those with an emotional dependence on food, a simpler method which you can make your own would be better.

First thing is to value and cherish yourself.

it sounds as though you could do with some help with it - I definitely don't mean slimming world or weight watchers (I personally believe they are not very healthy), but some sort of emotional eating coach or therapist who deals with eating issues. they will help you get to the bottom of things. Support goes a long way in situations like this. I know it can be expensive but it would be well worth the investment even if you just got a few sessions worth of support. And I echo PP who say you need to love yourself. Some proper therapy will help. Sounds tough to have a partner who also is super overweight. Makes it much more difficult. A therapist will help you work through this, but also try to look for a specialist in emotional eating. Not sure if you can find one who does both at once. Best of luck.

Can you not find a SW class you can get to? Online is well and good but it is better if you can actually get to a meeting as it will keep you more motivated.

Your lunch hour definitely is enough time to get out for a walk, if you could even do, 30-40 minutes every day it would definitely help. You had a brilliant weight loss before so you clearly know what to do, it's just getting in the right head space to do it. I know what it's like to have a partner who doesn't care. My fella is a big guy and although he is supportive enough he does sometimes encourage me to eat shit, as I think it makes him feel better about eating it himself.

You poor thing. It's horrible isn't it. Unmumsnetty hugs x
It's very easy to slip back and put the weight back on with schemes such as Slimming World... It fucked up my relationship with food very badly and I ended up hating myself. I downloaded MFP and used that. I feel more in control, and I read up on emotional eating and the reasons behind my overeating.

How did you manage to lose 5 stone?