Feeling pressured by consultant. What to do?

[FrodoAteMyRing]

Im back to slimming world, a different group this time.
The consultant is nice but too upbeat and very much "lose 4 pounds every week" ... She herself has lost her weight stupidly fast, like a stone a month, I think. And it just makes me feel so pressured.

My first week I lost 2 pounds and she asked me if I was disappointed.
Then everyone in group started to "comfort" me about "only" losing 2 pounds! Its a bloody loss! And most ppl who lose like 5 pounds in their first week, guess what, its mainly water! I did everything right that week, I have just noticed that during certain times in my cycle I lose weight more easily and then other times harder. Im ok with that, its completely natural. But this puplic discussion about it still makes me feel crap. And then the consultant came out with this old chestnut of "Maybe you didnt eat enough" Yeah, right. If I didnt eat enough I would not be in your group! Kcals always count! Even though Slimming World sometimes like to pretend they dont and that there is certain magical food that actually makes you lose weight if you stuff your face with it
I need to go to this group since I already swapped before and I cant keep doing that. But all this just makes me feel crap. I dont have an easy time losing weight, and just want to be happy when I do lose 2 pounds and not be made to feel like thats not enough!
It also doesnt help that with slimming world they always say how much you lost etc. infront of everyone. WW doesnt do that, but I cant go to WW since the next one is about 10 miles away! (some shut because of covid and havent reopend). And I do need to be weighed, just online would never work for me.
What should I do? Just try and ignore it? Its just making me not want to go, but I have to. Grrr.

I would complain to SW about her, she shouldn't be promoting such huge losses week in week out, it's not healthy or sustainable. Not to mention it takes away from the positive feeling you should get after having a great loss of 2lb. It's so counterproductive as it may make some people emotional eat as a result because they have 'failed' by not losing enough. Definitely send an email or call SW

@FrodoAteMyRing

And yes confidence and feeling better about yourself are def connected to losing weight. I managed to lose those 2 stone before because I tried to be nicer to myself and not beat myself up constantly. I know I lost it over a long time but it wasnt even through proper dieting, just being less of an arse to myself. As a teenager I used to hate on my body and that sent me streight to the sweets. So I tried to stop that and it resulted in less sweet eating. Guess that is also why it worries me that she pressures ppl, since those things are so interconnected. Someone up thread pointed out how mortifying she would find the group scenario and I totally relate to that since I joined this group

So its interconnected yes.

But rather than just focussing on the weight, maybe think of something to do that also improves your confidence in other ways, by setting some sort of challenge which you can work towards.

If you do the two in parallel surely that will help with the other issue too. And it maybe will help you separate the two issues out as well.

It needs to be something achievable but still a challenge or goal orientated. Something that gives you a feeling of progression and 'I did that' at the end.

I think doing this does help to change the way you think about the world generally rather than beating up on yourself.

@Viviennemary

She is a twit. I had this once years ago. At a different group. I lost nothing one week so target was set for 4 lbs instead of 2. She wrote you owe me 4 lbs on the sheet. I didn't go back.

That is absolutely awful.

I don't know if this would be helpful for you as I completely understand needing the external accountability.
But years ago when I wanted to lose weight but couldn't get to meetings because of work I made Friday my weigh in day(pre weekend danger zone) and went to Boots and weighed myself on their machine with the little slip of paper with your results every week.
I had something concrete to look at so I could see the downward trend on weeks where nothing changed and I couldn't mess with the scales or fall into the daily weighing trap.
I was looking for 1.5-2 lbs a week loss, I have lost 7lbs in a week before but when you do that it goes back on in a weekend if you relax at all.
Slow and steady wins the dress size!

How did WW not handle covid?

'I'm amazed with 2lb loss, over 3 months that would be 1.5 stone off!' and smile! 😀

@FrodoAteMyRing

And yes confidence and feeling better about yourself are def connected to losing weight. I managed to lose those 2 stone before because I tried to be nicer to myself and not beat myself up constantly. I know I lost it over a long time but it wasnt even through proper dieting, just being less of an arse to myself. As a teenager I used to hate on my body and that sent me streight to the sweets. So I tried to stop that and it resulted in less sweet eating. Guess that is also why it worries me that she pressures ppl, since those things are so interconnected. Someone up thread pointed out how mortifying she would find the group scenario and I totally relate to that since I joined this group

This doesn't sound like someone needing a slimming group for competitive weightloss. This sounds like excess weight is a symptom of lack of confidence. So when you worked on confidence the weight came off without going on a diet. As another poster said, I think you're coming at this from the wrong angle.

I have always had weight issues, since a young child. So my confidence used to be very low since I got so much crap for my weight even as a kid. I have been working on my confidence and it is better, but I guess not as good as someones who has always been slim.

Being slim won't necessarily fix your confidence, slim people can lack confidence too. Beware of pinning all your hopes on the fallacy that life will be wonderful if only you could just lose the weight.

I also do like going to group and being social so just leaving after every weigh in is a bit against the point.

Walking group, sewing group? Maybe skip the coffee and cake group

@M0rT

I don't know if this would be helpful for you as I completely understand needing the external accountability. But years ago when I wanted to lose weight but couldn't get to meetings because of work I made Friday my weigh in day(pre weekend danger zone) and went to Boots and weighed myself on their machine with the little slip of paper with your results every week. I had something concrete to look at so I could see the downward trend on weeks where nothing changed and I couldn't mess with the scales or fall into the daily weighing trap. I was looking for 1.5-2 lbs a week loss, I have lost 7lbs in a week before but when you do that it goes back on in a weekend if you relax at all. Slow and steady wins the dress size!

Oh thats interesting. I didnt know boots has that option.

Sounds like it's the accountability that you need (being weighed in public once a week) Do you have a trusted friend you could send a photo to every week of your weight? This is what worked for me, mainly because I couldn't face sitting in class every week listening to each and every persons weekly weightloss/gain journey.

Thank you everyone, you all make very good points.

Good idea with giving myself a different challenge, I assume you mean one that isnt weight related? I think ppl who have tried to lose weight for a long time can sometimes forgot how capable they are in other areas.

I have to be honest, I have checked different groups in my area and will probably go to a different one next time. I just didnt want to quit so early but I was dreading the thought of going back, so

There’s nothing wrong with going round a few groups till you find one that suits you... in theory, they run the same way, but in reality of often is about the personality of one suiting you more.

I'd leave. That's ridiculous behaviour. 2lb loss in a week is fine, in fact for many people it would be too much to sustain.
I did SW last year and just signed up for the online version. I'm not a group kind of person and I certainly would not take kindly to that kind of "motivation".
I found the structure of the plan useful, and as long as you're sensible, it's sensible. I lost about 20kg in a year slowly and steadily. I've put a few pounds back on since I stopped but that's mainly because I've had an accident and been quite immobile. I'm confident I can get rid of it again once I'm better because my overall eating habits are much healthier.
I don't think there is anything weird or bad about the plan as long as you are sensible and dont try to "cheat" eg eat absolutely stupid amounts of "free" foods. But as with so many things you do get some zealots or people who don't actually think about things properly and they can give it a bad name. Sounds like your group leader is one of those. I'd go elsewhere or swap to the online version.

Re WW most groups have restarted but they are thin on the ground because of the mass redundancies due to covid. In my area I would say there are less than half the pre covid meetings. That's why I started SW.

@FrodoAteMyRing

Thank you everyone, you all make very good points.

Good idea with giving myself a different challenge, I assume you mean one that isnt weight related? I think ppl who have tried to lose weight for a long time can sometimes forgot how capable they are in other areas.

I have to be honest, I have checked different groups in my area and will probably go to a different one next time. I just didnt want to quit so early but I was dreading the thought of going back, so

Yes a challenge completely unrelated to weight. One that starts to give you the idea of 'worth' back. If you only measure your ability to achieve through your weight thats not good.

Ideally pick something where 'failing' isn't so much of an issue and is more about participation or creating something over a period of time. So you do so many hours as a volunteer for example or you have a physical artist effort at the end.

Honestly i bet half your issue is about mindset and the concept of not being able to do something. If you start doing things where you can demonstrate to yourself that you can make a positive difference or achieve something where you can go 'I did a thing!', it will make other things easier as it will take a few brick walls down in your mind.

I would write and y actually. She sounds horrible

Write and complain

RedToothBrush

That sounds great. I will do an art project that Ive wanted to do for ages, I will have fun doing it too, so win win
Thank you

Probably wont complain about her, while her attitude is very demotivating for some it might suit others really well. You know all the ex A students probably get a kick out of it. I was never an A student

@FrodoAteMyRing

RedToothBrush

That sounds great. I will do an art project that Ive wanted to do for ages, I will have fun doing it too, so win win
Thank you

I have confidence issues and honestly 'framework' and 'goals' are making a huge difference to me. I do have off days (or weeks) but having a goal helps with motivation and in turn that is helping my overall negativity v positivity problem.

Good luck!

From FAQ

You have to remember that SW consultants get trained in the Slimming World way and they are motivated from above by 'Xlbs lost in groups' with back slapping and whooping and (I seem to recall) awards for the group or groups that 'do best'.

They are not trained properly in nutrition or health.

The 'have you eaten enough?' is a standard phrase for consultants, without any real knowledge behind it.

I do low carb and found that the online communities made a big difference to maintaining the lifestyle. I realise you've said that you prefer the support from the groups but appears to be making you unhappy. Try some online support groups as well as the meetings and see if the combination helps. Maybe not specific sw groups but support groups for people trying to change to a different lifestyle. Walking groups/ exercise classes etc. I had a big sugar and carb problem and the online communities offered a much wider spectrum of people for me to ask questions and get recipes.

I had a leader tell me once, l kept turning up like a bad penny. I never went back. This was WW.

I've joined slimming world a second time post pregnancy as l want to get back to a healthy weight. Definitely keep looking until you find a meeting right for you.

I was considering rejoining as I need that weekly weigh in.

I just do not like the happy clappy part of group an it feels like a lot of money just to weigh in. I wish they did some classes without it, so we had a choice. It is not motivational to me to hear how everyone has done individually and stories about how many chocolate bars they have had or cola chicken…