2.5 yr old night wakings. New baby due!

[Babyisaac]

Hi
I've posted about my 2.5 yr old DS before. He slept like a dream until we put him in a bed just after he turned 2. It was fine for the first week and then he just kept getting out of bed constantly.

Going to bed at night is fine, he doesn't protest as long as we stay with him until he falls asleep. This doesn't take long as he no longer naps in the day so is pretty tired and wants to sleep.

However, he can wake anything up to 4 times a night and get out of bed for no apparent reason. It used to be really bad and we tried Rapid Return for a while (made things worse) and put up a stairgate - disastrous as he got hysterical and climbed over it . We then tried Gradual Retreat and had more success but it still doesn't stop him getting up in the night.

Anyway, for want of anything new to try, we just ignored the problem, didn't talk to him about it anymore and hoped it would just go away. He started to wake only once a night and didn't protest at being put back to bed.

However, for no apparent reason, over the last week he has started waking up to 5 times a night and is wide awake and hysterical each time. He just wants to be next to me in bed. I have a baby due in 5 weeks so am getting a little anxious about a) the constant battle of putting him back to bed when I'll have a newborn to feed and b) the protests that may ensue when I tell him he can't come in to my side of the bed because the baby is there.

We don't let him sleep in our bed unless it is after 4.30am and there's no way he would go back to sleep unless he comes in with us. The rest of the time he is just made to go back to bed. There is no reasoning with him. He has a Gro Clock and understands the concept but isn't remotely interested in the middle of the night. Nor would reward charts work as he's just hysterical and you can't reason with him.

Any tips about anything new I can try or any hope as to how things might pan out? I'm concerned he'll wake more when the baby is here and get really jealous when the baby is at "his" side of the bed (in the daytime when he talks about this he tells me he will go round to Daddy's side but I seriously doubt he'll just do this in the night!)

Suffering really badly from sleep deprivation now as it takes me ages to get back to sleep again, only for him to be trying to get in next to me again. Seriously knackered at 35 weeks pregnant so any hints/tips most welcome!!

Hi Babyisaac

Not sure I can solve your problem but I share your pain. I have a 2.5 yr old DD who cannot sleep through the night and a 6 week old new baby. DD was pretty good at getting herself to sleep and then sleeping through but that all changed when I went into hospital to have the baby. Now getting her to bed and keeping her there is a battle we have yet to win!

I can only describe how things have panned out for us but it may not be the answer you want to hear. Right now DH goes in to DD when she wakes up, normally in the early hours of the morning, and sleeps on an inflatable mattress in her room. Once she knows he is there she sleeps right through until around 6am and then they both come back to "our" bed. To be honest we tried other approaches but in the end decided we had to do whatever maximised sleep for all of us.

Bedtime is a nightmare and pretty hit and miss. DD needs one of us to be there until she goes to sleep and recently has been demanding that mummy is there with her - probably in response to the new baby. Often we give in and let her crash on the sofa as it is the only way I can feed the newborn in peace.

I am sorry if this isn't the advice you were looking for but your situation sounds so much like ours that I though it would be worth letting you know how it panned out for us even if you just take it as a worst case scenario and plan accordingly....

Hope someone comes along soon with some advice for both of us.

by the way, I have a friend with similar aged DCs, who has ended up doing pretty much the same as us - DH looks after the older one while mum and baby share the "big bed"

Thanks Rockdoctor.

This is sort of how I do expect things to pan out. I can see DH kipping in DS' room and me being in our room with the baby. I can't see how things will change dramatically between now and my due date so I guess I'll have to accept that my situation may be like yours.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It does sound like a bit of a nightmare. Hopefully I can persuade DH that he may have to do the mattress thing if we are both to get some sleep but I think he'll be pretty stubborn about leaving our bed!! Needs must though.

Forewarned is forearmed I suppose (or something like that!) so I guess, like you say, this is worst case scenario and at least we've been told what it could be like. He does seem to just want me at the moment and I'm trying to get DH to take the lead more and more and not just give in and send me up as I'm trying to prepare for when I'm not as available. The thing I'm worried about most is when DH is on night shift (4 nights in a row every 3rd week) and I'll have them both to deal with by myself, eek!!

Anyway, thanks so much for your input. As you say, maybe someone else will come along with a ray of hope for us!!