How can I have a night out?

[loopyloo82]

I wonder if anyone can offer any advice or just support for our situation.

DD is 11mo and has never slept for a stretch of more than 4 hours (and that is rare - usually wakes every 1-2hrs throughout the night). She breastfeeds to sleep and quickly resettles when she wakes with a feed. We were co-sleeping until about a month ago, since then she has been in a cot for most of the night but I am sleeping in her room (just so I am not forever backwards and forwards). We have been doing No Cry Sleep Solution, which has helped a bit (she will at least sleep for more than 40 minutes without me) but I feel that she has made all the improvements she is going to with that and we are now in a rut.

Basically, it came to a head last night. I went out until about 11.30 pm (until now have not left her past about 9pm, so just put her to bed then). She stayed totally awake with dh until then- despite the fact that during the day she will happily sleep in the sling with him. Dh was upset, because he says he wants me to be able to go out and for him to be able to put her to bed himself sometimes. He wants me to phone the hv for advice. But I am terrified as I know they will try and push us into controlled crying and I just do not want to do that. Dh has said he doesn't really want to either but he is adamant that we have to do something.

However, I can totally see dh's point of view - he has always bathed dd so he can be involved in her bedtime routine, but he is fed up of being helpless whenever she wakes. He also knows how tired I am and I am back at work very soon so it will be hard waking all through the night.

Any ideas? Should I persevere with NCSS? Or phone the hv and make it quite clear I am not going to consider cc? Or do I actually try cc? (Just the idea makes me very .

Hi - I know how you feel. My eight month old is similar in that as soon as bedtime arrives he wants nobody but me - meaning I haven't been out since before he arrived. He does seem to be getting better and sleeping for longer periods so I'm hopeful of things to come. On the health visitor topic it seems that the HVs at our clinic all give different advice but when I asked my HV she said that controlled crying was only a temporary solution as next time your little one cuts a tooth her sleep pattern might change or when you go back to work she may be unsettled and demonstrate this in the night. Don't be pushed into controlled crying if you are not happy to do it. x

You won't be able to do Controlled Crying unless you're absolutely commited to doing it,so I don't think it would work for you.i've done it twice and i was worried but we had amazing results in only 1night after months of wake ups.

I think your HV will refer you to your local sleep clinic.there is a private one called Millpond,they've also written a book which explains children's sleep patterns.

Basically children need to be able to get themselves to sleep as they wake up alot in the night ( we all do).so if they need boob to drop off they will always need it.

Hope you get some help soon.

I've got a crap sleeper too. She is now 20 months old and I have to say things are getting a little bit better.
Evenings out for me are rare but if I do go out then DH takes her out in the pushchair. She falls asleep and stays in the pushchair in the hallway. I then take her up to bed when I get home.
Don't feel that you have to do CC. I personally do not want to do any form of sleep training even though I know it works for some people. I do not think it would work for us.
If your DD is teething or learning to walk then it will mess up her sleeping temporarily. I remember my DD going through a terrible phase of sleep which ended on her 1st birthday!
She is normal and you are not doing anything wrong x
stargirl

I fully BF my DS (although he is much younger - only 4 months) and usually BF him to sleep at night.

I'm sure you've tried this, but when I go out for an evening with a friend, my DH is able to get him to sleep with a bottle of EBM and rocking. DS seems to accept that he won't get boob from Daddy!

Thanks for taking the time to respond. I think at the moment we'll take it a day at a time and see how things go... and before we know it, she'll probably be 20 months like your dd stargirl! I do think in time she'll naturally start sleeping... it's just that such a time may still be quite a way off .