12 month old non-sleeper. CC is not an option, what's the best approch to try?

[DrivenToDistraction]

DS and his constant waking is killing me. DD was a crappy sleeper too but she at least slept a lot in the daytime. DS only sleeps once a day, usually for about 2 hours.

TBH it's because of DDs bad sleeping that I've got myself into this mess in the first place. There's an 18 month age gap between the two and we were still in the midst of DD nightly activities when DS was born. It was a case of get him to sleep at any cost before she starts and wont stop...

He wakes multiple times a night for no discernible reason and is becoming more difficult to get to sleep in the first place too. He will self settle (without crying) very occasionally but that just something he does to keep me on my toes

I'm still BF but would very much like to stop. Cold turkey if needs be.

CC is absolutely not an option. it's something I've always been very much against but now it seems like the best option. Un/Fortunately we live in a thin walled terrace and the neighbours have no tolerance whatsoever for crying. If I can't get one of the DC to stop then they're banging on the walls within 10 minutes and at the door within 20

So, what can we try? I've no idea where to start. DP is willing to take him for a number of nights if that;s what's needed. Until now night duty has always been my sole repsonibilty.

Oh, and I've kept a diary of his japes for the past couple of nights, if that's any help.

Well we have a similar situation with DD3 and all we can do
is go in andctry to settle her in her cot. I did cc with the other two but all three are in the same room and as DD1 is at school, it wouldn't be fair.

Am hoping for gradual improvement.

Can you co sleep?
We had a ds who wouldn't sleep AT ALL. The constant getting up in the night was killing all of us, so we bought a bigger bed, all slept in it and we were all happier and more rested

You poor thing. I have every sympathy for you. I have a 12 month age gap between mine and can remember still being up at night with ds1 when ds2 was born. It's so hard and exhausting and it really does wear you down. Ds1 was 14 months when he slept through regularly and ds2 was almost 2.

The good news is that they are both wonderful sleepers now (5 and 4) and have been for a long time. They sleep far better now than any children I know who were "sleep trained". It will come, I promise.

My tips would be:

1. Your dp absolutely must help with night times.

1. Work out a plan between you. A joint approach is essential.

1. The fact that he can self settle is excellent and it shows he can do it. He just needs to practice.

1. If you breastfeed him every time he wakes then stop. Offer him water instead - he should be getting enough food/milk to last him through the night. You might want to get dp to do the first couple of nights because your ds might get angry/frustrated at not getting a feed every time he wakes.

1. I think that a cuddle or pat/shush works well. It lets them know you are there so reassures them

1. Tell your neighbours what you are going to do just in case your ds wakes more for the first couple of nights.

Good luck.

Have you looked at gradual withdrawal? Not something I've done but maybe do a search on here to find out more...

With regards your neighbours, you might just have to forewarn them that you are going to do some sort of sleep training which might involve a couple of unsettled nights where there might be more crying. In the long run it would benefit them too! It seems really unfair that you have them to consider as well, poor you!

You might find that your DH doing the settling works quite well. My DS1 will play up to me all night long if he wakes and I go in, but when DH goes in he quietens down straight away!

Ooops x-post with indigosky, that sounds like some good advice to me!

Driven I was in the same situation with my DS and it was terrible for a while.
I appreciate that your neighbours won;t tolerate crying but could you speak to them and find out when/if they are planning to go on holiday and then try the controlled crying? I know you may not relish the idea of it but I did it as a last resort and within 8 days my DS slept all night and still over a year later he does.

Is that an option?

how does he get do sleep? do you have to cuddle him or feed him? Or do you just have to be there? I did a mixture of pupd (pick up put down) and gw (gradual withdrawal) with DS1 (wouldnt work with DS2 - depends on the child!)
So initially he'd only sleep if I bf him. I gradually removed him from the breast before he conked out and stuck a dummy in instead. (so not completely asleep when put down)

Then I put him in his bed. When he started complaining (yelling, not just grizzling) I'd pick him up and cuddle. Soon as he stopped I'd put him down. And so on. Until he'd be ok to put in his cot. (This only works if your back can take it - a drop side cot is handy!)
Once I was able to put him in his bed without a major fuss I would hold his hand to sleep. This could take half an hour or much much more!

Then gradually I let go until I wasnt holding his hand, just sitting next to him. I moved to the door then outside the door then down the stairs. This last bit took about 2 weeks and I think he was about 8 or 9 months old.

Thanks for all the responses. Some good advice there!

I do co-sleep with him for part of the night but that's the worst part of the night for me. He insists on using me as a dummy with a nasty teething-type latch that makes me want to scream. I always sleep badly with the DC in bed, which is a shame.

I BF to sleep and when that doesn't work I rock/bounce him to sleep in his bouncer. Yes, I know that's against all the rules. The thing is, if I put him in bed awake (to sleep) he just cries, although he is happy to be put in his cot to play once he wakes in the morning . There was a period, once, where I could just put him in his bed, turn on the mobile and that was that. Admittedly that was only ever for his daytime naps but somehow, at some point it stopped.

As far as the neighbours go, there's no hope of them being understanding or even vaguely accommodating. One side is relatively reasonable (half an hour of crying before they complain) but the other side (mentioned earlier) are hellish. I'll ask both sets when they're going on holiday but it's be a miracle if it was at the same time.

I've tried shushing and patting but that makes him go totally wild. Screaming, wriggling and pushing my hand away.

So, we'll try water at night and I'll look into PUPD. Is it as simple as it sounds? And, does it involve a lot of crying, neighbours aside, DD is still very easily disturbed at night and once she's disturbed she's often inconsolable... ARG!

OK, I've shown DP the thread and we have a plan, what do you think?

stage 1 - BF before bed as normal then PUPD / gradual withdrawal (same for daytime nap). We'll keep DD up until he's asleep. Offer water at night before giving in to BF.

stage 2 - once he's got the PUPD thing for bedtime DP takes him at his last 'night' waking (5am ish), just offers water and does PUPD / gradual withdrawal. I keep offering water before giving in to BF.

stage 3 - once he's got all that DP takes him all night no BF after bedtime feed, but cuddles and PUPD / gradual withdrawal.

stage 4 - start giving cows milk before his daytime nap and at bedtime instead of BF. Get my body back after almost 3 1/3 years of continuously being pregnant, BFing or being pregnant and BFing. Get some sleep after more than 2 1/2 years of broken nights.

Does that sound workable?

I tried it and it worked. He woke again after 35 minutes, so I tried it again and it worked

I have hope!

Any thoughts on the plan?