are formal naps essential?

[obsessedwithcake]

my DS is 14 weeks. He's a pretty good sleeper on the whole. It's quite easy to tell when he's tired and I can pop him down in his moses basket for a nap of anything from 30-90 mins. We start his bedtime routine at 7pm with a feed/bath/story/shh-pat and he's usually asleep by 9pm. We do a dream feed at 11pm then wake him at 5am (if he doesn't wake first)for a feed. He then feeds about every 3 1/2 hours during the day and is usually awake for an hour or so, then sleeps for an hour or so until the next feed.

All good

but: he's started looking really tired, dark circles, grizzly. I reckon he probably gets about 12 hours sleep in 24, but 'they' seem to say he needs 15.

At the moment we don't do formal naps, he just sleeps wherever we are (baby group, tesco etc. Am I a bad parent? (!) do I need to start formal naps? how do I ever leave the house if I do that - any sensible nap time seems likely to clash with baby group / clinic / anything else I might want to do. How does everyone else manage - do you just not go out?!

why do you wake him at 5am for a feed?
My DD2 is 15 weeks and she doesn't have a routine for naps, she just has to fit in with our plans for the day, most days she seems to get enough sleeps but sometimes gets a bit cranky if she has been shifted around a lot. I get cabin fever if we stay in all day so no way would I stay in just to let the baby nap. Young babies are usually pretty adaptable at sleeping in the car, in the buggy etc.
I don't wake a sleeping baby unless I really have to so don't understand why you would wake them at 5am?

Definitely don't think you need formal naps - we've never had them and I know loads of parents who just do naps where and when it suits them. My health visitor and my friends sleep counsellor would also agree with that.

Why are you waking at 5 am for a feed though? If your DS isn't waking up naturally then he probably doesn't need a feed. My DD dropped night time feeds at 9 weeks without me doing anything.

well, the 5am thing started 'cos he didn't regain his birth weight for AGES. He's on the 90-something-th centile for length but only trotting along on the something-teenth for weight. He's holding steady on this centile at the moment but was supposed to be going up a few centiles

He never demand fed - would go 9 hours or more from birth. with weight dropping like a stone, we instigated a rountine pretty sharpish. in the early days HV said not to leave him longer than 5 hours due to his little tummy not holding enough calories to go all night. I guess we've just stuck with it. I'm scared that if I drop it, I won't get enough feeds in during the day and he'll lose more weight?

mmm okay I've not had weight gain issues with my girls so am a bit when people say they wake their babies to feed but I can understand your reasoning.
Does he go back to sleep after the 5am feed?

after the usual 'massive trumping poo' incident around 6.30am which forces me to drag my sorry self out of bed to clean him up, yes he usually goes back down for an hour or two before our 'getting up time' at 8:30/9am

so glad for the advice re naps - was starting to think everyone else just stayed indoors until child is 18yrs old! Would go bonkers if not getting regular dose of cake and moaning at baby group to keep me sane!

I think know some people chose to follow a very formal routine which includes times for naps and times for feeds and bugger all time for actually doing anything else. I don't subscribe to that way of thinking and my girls don't have naps in their cot. DD1 still naps in her buggy which means that she will nap wherever we are so going on holiday or out with friends is not a problem. DD2 is still little and naps wherever - bean bag, buggy, carseat, moses basket.

Just wanted to add that a 14 week old will not know the difference between the formal nap you have planned and the informal nap he had because he was tired.

Over the next few weeks you'll probably notice that your DS has a bit of a pattern when it comes to naps and you can then formalise that pattern by anticipating it and building it into your day so it becomes a habit for you both...but it's in reaction to your baby's needs not imposed upon them.

Oh, and just when you think you understand your baby's pattern, he'll start teething or have a tummy ache or just fancy a bit of a change and everything will be up in the air again.

Good luck, sounds like you are coping well so far - you sound much calmer about the 5am feed and 6:30am poo than I remember feeling.

My DD had weight issues to begin with and isn't big on demanding to be fed (although she often likes a feed to resettle her to sleep overnight). I tend to offer her a lot of feeds during the day - especially just before a nap (when I know she's getting tired - it'll often send her to sleep) and when she's just woken up. These may mean she wakes more because she associates waking with having a feed, but she feeds best when a bit sleepy (too distracted otherwise) and it's the most effective way to get the calories in her. Why not try offering extra feeds during the day and dropping the 0500 one?

Also, my DD mostly naps in her pram, so will do so out and about - likewise in the sling. HOWEVER I've noticed that the naps she takes when we're out are usually shorter and more likely to be interrupted. Where possible I try and keep her in one place when she's napping and she'll usually sleep for longer. The one place could be out of our flat, though!

It's good to get a little (movable) nap-time routine in place, even at this age. With my DD, it's usually swaddling, cuddle, rock, feed, sleep. If she's properly tired, it can get her off to sleep in 5 mins. Also, I found that when at a friend's house, I swaddled her in her sling (usually use a muslin swaddle), did the cuddle/rock/feed thing and put her down in my friend's rocking chair and she slept just as well as if we'd been at home.

I'd stop waking him at 5am, personally. Let him sleep until he naturally wakes.

I was wondering this too. DS2 sleeps all over the place, due to having 2 others to taxi round to school, playgroup etc.

As yet [fingers crossed] is hasn't affected his night time sleep. Some days he naps more than others, or for a longer time too.

I was going to try and have him on more of a rountine, but hes difficult to settle on a weekend for naps, as he's not in the car or pram. And in 5 weeks the summer hols will come along and change everything again for 6 weeks....

I guess it depends on your baby. If he's able to nap out and about, then that's great. We're one of those that does have a formal routine and naps in cot as day sleep wasn't happening otherwise. My DS (also 14 weeks) isn't one for sleeping when there is anything else going on. I'd embrace the informality if I were you. The route we've ended up down is pretty restricting and I do get cabin fever. Though the LO (sometimes) sleeps so it's all for a good reason.

My PFB has alway had a routine and has naps in his cot. He's a really contented easy baby and sleeps like a dream (3hrs of naps and 12-13hrs solid through the night! Since 4mo) BUT the sacrifice is not getting out - I am tied to the house for and have somewhat routined myself into a corner.

Routine helped him to be happy and settled but it is a bit limiting. Having said that, he's 8mo now and seems to be ok now if I mess with the schedule.

Its the other kids that get in the way!

DC1 perfect nap/sleep routine, DC2 some routine, DC3 all over the place but a happy little chap

thanks all tried out not waking him at 5am.... but he woke me at 4:45am instead. guess that needs more work!

will keep muddling through with informal naps, and fingers crossed he'll get enough sleep.

thanks for the advice

Dunno if this is really true but I have been reading lots of sleep books lately (due to DD not being very good at it - sigh) and one thing they mostly do seem to agree on is that several short naps does not = fewer long naps, and that it IS important for most babies to have some longer naps (at least 1 hour, pref more).

So if DS is looking tired it might be that always sleeping "on the go" means he is only getting short naps but not enough longer stretches? You could try making sure he gets at least one or two longer naps a day. No reason why those can't be in the pushchair or car while you're out and about though, in fact we always found we got the best "long" naps in the pushchair! Might be worth a try, anyway?