HELP IDEAS for settling12wk old with two other dcs

[steph1512]

I am beginning to struggle my ds 12wk old doesnt seem to settle to sleep very well i know this is normal but i am feeling the need for some kind of bedtime routine but it is hard as i have two dds ange 2 and 4 on saturday.

I feel bad for them as their bedtime story etc often feels rushed with ds screaming in the background as my dh works quite often in the evenings. Then once girls are in bed around 630/7pm my eveing consists of feeding cuddling rocking etc until my ds eventually falls alseep around 10pm.

im sure alot of the time he is tired before this but wont settle so im wondering if it is worth just putting him down and staying close by and seeing to him every couple of minutes until he goes off??? Or is he too young?

ps in the dayif i think he is tired i hold him upright against me and sway for a few minutes and he goes off..stirs a bit when i put him down but stays asleep for long periods! for some reason this doesnt work in the evening.

Lat night he finally gave into sleep at 10pm after being awake and prob overtired from330pm. But then stirred on and off most of the night!

Any help experiences appreciated! My dds always settled fairly well so didnt have these issues

excuse typos rushed post

can you put the baby in a sling while you do nedti,es for the other two? The rocking may help soothe him and keep your hands free for stories and cuddles for the older two.

i do have a mobywrap which is great..but he has never stayed awake in it yet so not sure if that would be a good thing at that time of day..the other prob is i do have some back and shoulder problems so i have been trying to limit the sling as it hasnt helped them esp as my ds is getting quite heavy now. My dd2 is also quite heavy so i struggle to lift her to put into cot etc with my ds in the moby.

I just wondered if after he was fed in the evening if he would settle better if given a little time to do so??

Instead of all the different position trying and rocking etc

I would have suggested a sling too, but it sounds like that's not that practical. Could you get hold of a baby swing to put him in?

It does sound as if he's overtired by bedtime Try soothing him for a nap 1.5 hours after waking up last. Most babies that age will be overtired after being awake more than 1.5 - 2 hours at a time.

At this stage my DS wouldn't 'do' bedtime unless he had had a nap just beforehand. He had to have a nap, wake up, have bedtime feed and then go to sleep. If he was awake for any length of time between waking up from his last nap he would just shriek instead of falling asleep.

Many babies start becoming more settled in the evenings from 3/4 months so hopefully it will improve soon.

I feel your pain. Was in exactly the same position with DD2, now almost 4 months. She didn't 'do' bedtime until about 9 weeks and I'd also second what AngelDog says - she now goes to bed by 7 each evening but has to have a nap at around 5 otherwise she works herself into a complete frenzy of tiredness. I spent the first few weeks feeding non-stop between 7 and 10/11/whenever she eventually keeled over exhausted and then we cracked it. In the end I just resorted to soothing any which way every few mins (between putting DD1 to bed) and eventually she'd drop off, it got easier and easier with time. E.g. 6pm bath (any later and she'd be frantic), then dress her for bed and feed - all while DD1 is watching a DVD and having milk - hope she completely conks out after feed (which she often does these days) but if not put her down and start putting DD1 to bed while going in every minute or so to rock her/let her suck my finger/try dummy etc but all in her bedroom/sleeping area. It's hard work particularly when it's just you (my DH works late too) but it does work eventually and now she goes down most evenings with out any fuss at all and sleeps until I dreamfeed her at about 10.30/11.

Thanks it is good to know that it hopefully will improve!

I could prob manage the bath part at 6but if i fed straight after this i know that the girls wouldnt be in bed before7(something i strive for..love them to bit but love their bedtime to!) by the time ive changed /chased them into pjs and done story time etc.

I found it only slightly easier at this stage when my dd2 arrived as i could still manage a consistant bedtime routine as i would bath both girls together, dry, pjs then short story and cuddle with dd1 her settled i would then feed dd2.

At around this time i started putting dd2 straight down after her last feed and saw to her every couple of minutes until she dropped off..there was sum tears involved in the process though.

Prob is third time i cant bath all three so ive just had to try to get girls ro bed then try to settle ds.

I rosrted to the sling tonight dispite shoulder ache..as by 8pm i was starving he dropped off and i transfered him to moses basket...not a good habit to get into i know.

somethinganything out of interest how long does your dd sleep at 5pm..and do you wake her or just leave her to sleep as long as she wants..ps how os the dream feed going? sorry for all the ???

My 14wk old (arrrh, is she that old already !!) also needs a late sleep to get a good bedtime. I've had some awful times settling all three girls at once ! so now I try hard to get her to sleep at 5pm - to be honest she often doesn't have longer than 45mins at that time of day, even though she sleeps much longer earlier in the day.

Is your DS still waking in the night ? sometimes my DD goes to bed at 6pm, just becuase stretching her out at that time of day doesn't work - she then takes ages to settle. I do a dreamfeed at 10pm and it doesn't seem to affect her nighttime going down at 6pm rather than 7pm. So you could try and get DS down earlier. Or maybe try doing the bath for the older ones before tea, just to ease the pressure later on ?

Is this relevant?

Maybe not but was the case for me.

fourlittleducks.. when you put yor dd to bed at 6pm is that a day when she hasnt had a 5pm nap.

how do you find the dream feed im not doing one at the moment and ds fell asleep at about 830 last night and slept until 6am. Not sure what would happen if he was going to bed at 7.

How does your dd settle when you put her down i think ds would just cry tbh but worth a try for a few nights i suppose.

Ps he does sometimes cluster feed but it doesnt unually make any difference to the time he sleep during then night so i think when he clusters its just for comfort more than anything

This is what I do with my 4:

Feed altogether about 6pm

Straight up for bath once they have helped load dishwasher and cleaned the table

Put baby on bed while bath runs

Put children in bath and leave baby if baby happy, if not, put baby in with them or in Bumbo next to bath

Get dry and dressed - which mostly they do themselves I just supervise with baby in arms or on floor next to us
All get in bed in boys' room and I feed, whilst chatting or reading. If baby drops off I take her to her bed, if not I feed her a bit more on my bed and then put her down.

Go back in and give other DC final kisses.

I am on my own every night and it is knackering but do-able.

Wow hobbgoblin! Well done you.

Sound like your all doing well getting your babies to bed early!

Im am currently mumsnetting with ds in his mobysling!

Think i need to bite the bullet and start putting him down somewhere between 6 and 7.

Got a busy next couple of weeks with a couple of nights away to so think its prob best to wait until all thats out of the way then go for a bedtime routine. As at the moment i just get dds sorted then go with the flow with ds but i am getting to the ppoint where im craving a little me time in the evening

shhh mine are going now because I let them watch the England game. Baby is in bed though because after bath I did all the above, just on the sofa with them all and she dropped off so she's gone down and they are still up.

Need to march them off now though as I see the match is over...!

hehe good luck.

Think im the only one skipping the football lol

How old is dd..is she a good self settler

She is nearly 11 months now. She slept really well from the beginning and always settled to sleep easily. I have her in a hammock not a crib or cot. However, at about 16 weeks or so she became a nightmare sleeper for a bit. She would still settle very easily in the evening but would wake in the night about three times from around 2am onwards. She is okay now apart from waking around 5 sometimes - but she goes back until about 7, thank god!

I reckon the excitement of the other DC faffing about knackers her out.

Would your other two be gentle and calm enough to bath with their baby brother sometimes? My DD2 loves this and again it tires her out so she is very sleepy and calm when it is storytime.

Ive seen people talk about the hammocks on here before but ive never actually seen one!

I always bathed the dds together when dd2 came alone but my dd1 has always been very calm and gentle.

But mmy 2nd dd is..how can i put it..like a bull in a china shop bless her. So although she doesnt mean it im sure she might just squash ds one day.

Think it will be a possibility when ds is a bit older and more resiliant.

That's a brilliant long sleep DS did for you last night Steph !

Don't feel like I really did much to encourage DD into bedtime routine, but it seemed that more often than not she was awake when the other girls are in the bath, so would dunk her in too (like Hob, she loves it, so is a good way to calm her a bit). But its only been the last couple of weeks or so that she's gone down to sleep easily in early evening - she has a dummy but it seems that if she's too tired she won't settle. TBH it feels like a total luxury to have my evenings back again. Have only done the dreamfeed this last week or so, partly cos I couldn't be bothered up til now, but it seems to have worked, if only that she is a little more consistent with her timings (up once at about 4ish), whereas for weeks if someone asked what she was like at night, I'd say 'errrrrrr' because there wasn't an awful lot of pattern.

My husband was away for best part of three weeks, and I'm sure that forced me into putting her down - for the first two months of her life I quite happily let him put the older two to bed because I 'had' to sit and rock the baby to sleep !!

My older DD are now 6 and 3 - so that is VERY different to 4 and 2 (as in its much easier for me) -

Yes mine are older (10, 8, 6 and baby) so is easier for me too in many respects. Although, the 6 and 8 year old are like wild animals.

Thats what ive been doing when dh is around just hold/feed ds or dh holds him while i do story time.

I think the age gaps do come into it as my 4yr old is alot more understanding and gentle with ds.

whereas my just 2yr old clambers all over the palce so i dont tend to put him down if shes about enless i am with her or ds is going in to travlecot/playpen in kitchen!

Think alot of it is timing as i cant yet bath etc all together so my ds is prob automatically getting over tired.

Does yuor dd settle well again after 4am feed?
Ive found if its dark still my ds usually settles after a night feed but if its light just seem to start smiling and cooing!!

Hobbgoblin you were once in the same position as me then with your first 3.

Ps just googled the hammocks they look fab..cant see my dh agreeing to getting one though at this stage as ds is suppose to be our last

I have a 2 and 4 year old and 12 week old.

Baby often has a bath at 6 and feed then straight into bed. Some nights he settles great - others not so. Once he's in bed i get the other 2 bathed (only every other night though) and if around dh does this.

If baby starts crying - proper cry, not tired moaning, i pop back in and settle him again - the other 2 read books and wait for me.

I'd definitely try earlier for baby rather than later..

good luck

i have been known to often bundle them all in the car at 4 or 5pm to enforce a nap on baby, then get home, bath him and put him to bed.