1 yr old JUST NOT BLOODY SLEEPING

[superv1xen]

i am at my wits end...she slept through from 6 wks (i know how lucky i was) from about 7pm to 6 - 7am...then she would go back to sleep for an hour or 2 after her first bottle...it was BLISS.

anyway for the last 2 - 3 weeks she has barely been sleeping at all, not even in the day. she has an hour or so sporadically during the day, ie will drop off in her buggy ocassionally, or in the car, then i put her bed at 7 and she takes around 2 hours to drop off, she isnt crying, just chattering and playing. but it sometimes turns into crying. then she usually wakes up between 3 and 4 for at least an hour (again, chattering and playing but this time it always turns into crying) it doesnt help that she pulls herself up on the cot bars but then cant get back down

i just dont understand it, she is showing noo teething symptoms so i dont think its that. and IMO she is eating enough in the day to not wake up thru hunger?

she has a 6oz bottle about 7am then a piece of toast around 9 - 10am. then lunch about 1 which is usually a jar of baby food with some bread mixed in or similar, then she has another 6oz bottle at about 3pm, then her dinner about 6pm, which is something similar to lunch, then she has her last 6oz bottle about 7 then goes straight to bed. and in between meals / feeds she has lots of water to drink.

i just dont get it, i am not coping AT ALL, i am grumpy, shattered and miserable, and look like shit all them time, i am getting depressed and not wanting to do anything or go anywhere because i am so tired and even worse i am being a crap mum to the kids (i have a 4 yr old as well) and i am ashamed to say that i have been losing my temper with them and shouting

please help.

I say this at least once a week on here. I feel like a broken record. But that will reassure you how often this comes up.

It's developmental. It's not her fault. At around this age they start struggling to fall asleep, wake up more in the night. You find them standing in their cot, unable to lie back down and go back to sleep. Often they become upset or distressed.

It's the major developmental milestones like walking and talking that are responsible for it. When they are ready to start walking round confidently their brain switches to tell them to walk at all times. Get up, stand up, now, stand, walk, stand, get up, walk. Similarly with talking. Talk now practice talking, talk, practice talk. They lose the ability to sleep and self-settle because their brains are not able to switch off. It's tiring and frustrating for them too.

I repeat, it's not their fault. It is developmental. It will pass. The best thing you can do is help her through it. Find ways to settle her. A drink, a cuddle, a soothing song, hand on her tummy, whatever works. You won't create bad habits. It's tough for her too. She doesn't understand why her body's behaving differently.

It'll pass and sooner than you think.

SOH speaks a lot of sense.

It will pass. It feels like forever but it will pass.

I think it is probably harder for you as your dd has been a good sleeper. For most people they start as you now feel and are still at that stage at a year old so dont notice this particular developmental stage.

I am convinced that most children go through long spells of not sleeping well. Almost all parents get it some time - and dont feel guilty for being tired and snappy. Welcome to the state of most parents!! If she is only waking once a night you have got off lightly although I am sure it doesnt feel that way.

Chin up - it will improve.

I thought by a year that sleep would be sorted but at 15 months its still so unpredictable with ds2. I hope the other posters are right! Hope you get some improvement soon. Just one thought, ds sleeps much better at night if forced to sleep in the day (that sounds terrible, i mean with a long buggy walk if necessary). Have you tried strongly encouraging daytime sleeping patterns.

hiya girls, thank you for the advice

sorry SOH u had to repeat yourself

i didnt realise that sleeping more in the day can helpthem sleep at night? how does that work then?? not saying it doesnt, just wondering?

i cant cope much longer, i am not one of these people who copes with not much sleep. to add insult to injury my older DS was a brill sleeper (and still is thank god) i never had this with him.

its affecting my day to day functions, i am crying for no reason, shouting at them (as i said) have barely any appetite and am very down and no drive to do anything, i dont even want to see friends or anything because DD (and me) are so cranky, its not pleasant for anyone i went to a stay and play yesterday but kept feeling like i was going to cry the whole way through.

Dont feel bad super. How you describe is how I felt for about 7 years. I am now coming out of it.

You will get used to it - you just exist in a haze of tiredness but your body and mind adjust. The crying, bad temper and lack of drive become normal. Its obviously not ideal but you do adapt. There will me thousands of mums around you (and dads) feeling the same.

And it will improve. YOu may find it only lasts a few weeks. All children are different.

Sleeping in the day did seem to help one of my dds sleep at night as long as she only had an hour or under. But the other two needed their sleeps cut out early as they would not go to bed before midnight if they slept in the day. I think it depends on the child but with some children they get overtired and hyper.

You will feel better if you sleep all the time the children are asleep.

'i just dont get it, i am not coping AT ALL, i am grumpy, shattered and miserable, and look like shit all them time, i am getting depressed and not wanting to do anything or go anywhere because i am so tired and even worse i am being a crap mum to the kids (i have a 4 yr old as well) and i am ashamed to say that i have been losing my temper with them and shouting'

I think this statement by the op really shows how we must not judge new parents or parents at the school gates. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture and having been there for years I know it really affects how you look, eat, energy levels, temper etc etc.

The fat, scruffy, lazy parent at the school gate or toddler group may in fact just simply be exhausted (that was me!!!!)

Hi, just reading your original post superv1xen and I wondered if you had tried an earlier bedtime? I know it sounds mad when it is taking your DD a couple of hours to drop off but the behaviour you describe (chatting & playing and then crying) is exactly what my DD does (16 months) when she is overtired. We also have disrupted nights, one infamous night she played/sang then cried from 11pm until 3.30am! However, when I put her to bed earlier she tends to settle to sleep a lot easier and also have a better nights sleep. I know that all children are different and it may not work for you but is perhaps worth a try?

More on the developmental stuff that SOH mentioned (I do a stuck record as well on this topic!) - there is a sleep regression around 13 months which is caused by babies' brains working on the next stage of development.

More info here and here.

Sleeping in the day helps many babies because not napping during the day results in high levels of adrenaline in the body, which then makes them fight sleep. Regular naps reduce adrenaline levels. An earlier bedtime (as Hannah suggested) can have the same effect for the same reasons. Although as frogety says, it doesn't work for all babies.

Hang in there. It Will Pass.

well i cant believe it, last night, she slept through from about 8pm till just after 6am!

i tried something different last night; usually she has her dinner about 6ish and then a bottle of milk at about 7 just before bed (as i said in my first post) but last night i gave her a bottle of water instead, then woker her up about 9pm and gave her her usual 6oz bottle of milk.

i wonder if its because of that or because it was just a fluke? either way, i feel a bit more human today

think i will do it again tonite prays for repeat performance but not holding breath ....

Good luck. I'll be thinking of you and hoping you are all still asleep at half past five when ds starts calling! A few good nights will hopefully make the sun shine again in your house.