I can't take getting up at 5am anymore

[roslily]

Mainly a moan. My ds is 9mo. He wakes any time from 4am. At 5-5.30am he won't settle anymore.

I work full time as a teacher. My dh is useless. I am supposed to get one lie in at weekend, but if he happens to get up with him in week once, then I don't get that, or if he can't be arsed.

I am marking exam papers at moment, so can't even go to bed early. I am going nuts.

We have a blackout blind, but it makes no difference. We have co-slept, it makes no difference.

Oh, I'm so sorry. It's hard, isn't it?

I have a 2YO whose molars are coming through and a 10MO who (like your DS) seems to get up before 5am every day (though now is sleeping soundly).

I also have a DH who (practically) doesn't help out during the week and at weekends... well, I got a sleep in a week or so ago, and he came and got me up at 7:30 as it was time to feed the children breakfast [gah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

So, no advice, no help (sorry) but empathy by the bucket load and perhaps it helps to know you aren't alone.

I don't have to work, though.

It does help to know I am not alone.

When I do get a lie in, he comes and wakes me at 9.30-10am so we "don't waste the day. Tosser, I could sleep all day and it wouldn't be a waste.

My DD3 is doing this at the moment. It does get better, he will stop, but probably not until you can knacker jim out when he is walking.

Why are you getting up with him every morning? Take it in turns to do the early shift. At weekends allocate one morning as yours and one as his turn for a lie in. Your husband is not useless. It's not difficult to get a baby up, hive it breakfast and take it for a walk.

You must remember that it's your husband's child too and he needs to help out especially as you work full time.

I remember this phase - unfortunately nothing makes a difference (as you have found out) and it does go on for a while...

You HAVE to get your DH on board for this - it is very unfair if you are the only one doing the early wakings and then not getting a lie in.

He is being a twunt.

OTOH, we human beings CAN do better than we think on very little sleep - it sounds silly , but try not to think so much about the lack of sleep. Just go with it...

I have been there and done that - mine are now nearly teenagers and have to be dragged from their beds in the morning...

Oh I daydream about yhe teen phase. It sounds brilliant.

haha! My DSDs are teenagers now.

DSD1 got me up at 5:45am SOOO many times.

I get my revenge by telling her to get out of bed (or even better, sending DS into her) at ungodly O'clock.

PAYBACK!!

See everyone keeps telling me how amazing it is what little sleep we can manage on, but over a month of this and I am tearful, snappy, and literally feel like walking out of house due to lack of sleep. I am not good with no sleep.

As to twunt-monkey. He just won't. And if he does, he will make me feel bad about it.

My ds2 is also getting up between 5/5:30am every day.
Nt so bad for me because I don't work atm, so I've taken the route of just accepting it and I am now getting used to it.
Can't imagine what it must be like to have the burden of work ontop of this though. I feel for you.
See, I normally manage to get a nap in the afternoon because both ds's nap at the same time.

Someone the other day told me to keep them up later in the evenings, like the problem was that easy to overcome.

I do hope this phase passes for you soon

Roslily,

I really feel for you about your DH. I feel the same about mine. It's different though, as I don't work, so there is a this 'the house / kids are your job' mentality.

He really does expect me to do everything for the kids - I do all meals, most nappies, night feeds etc.,

I do wonder, though, how much of it is me projecting how I feel about things onto him. (I'm not saying you do this, BTW)... It's just I know that I have this 'oh, DH will have a face on about XYZ' and I somehow take responsibility for that when I'm not at all sure I should IYSWIM

I can't believe it - that was exactly the topic title I was about to write!! I am really starting to lose it and am turning from someone who used to be ok in the morning(at 6.30am!) to a completely grumpy mare. My DS has now been doing this for months and months. He is currently 16mo. What really narks me is that he is also waking up most nights, at least once but sometimes upto 5 times and when people ask us if he sleeps alright, DH replies with 'oh yes, he sleeps really well'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We (sorry, I!) have had one full nights sleep until 5am in the last 3 weeks and this is how it has been for ages - one good night, lulling me into thinking we are going in the right direction, followed by loads of broken nights and early mornings. I am beginning to wonder if breastfeeding DS in the morning may be part of the problem (I try to fend him off until at least 6 as he is up and spring as soon as he has had it!), but I think his teeth may be a large part of it - we are onto final 2 premolars so hoping we will get a break when they are properly through. Have also tried total blackout blinds and also to no avail.
Obviously, any magic solutions would be gratefully received

You need to sort this out with DH.

Why are you doing the lion's share of work? Is it because you are a woman? Is he genetically programmed to be unable to look after DS?

What message does this give to your son?

While you are both working you also need to take an equal share of the domestic work and childcare.

What happens if you have another child? You need to talk to him about this.

He doesn't want another child, and he uses this against me- if I show that I am not coping,m he says "lokk you can't cope with one, so we can't have another"

I went back upstairs to try and get ds back to sleep (he gets tired again) He wouldn't go and tonight dh is working late (until 2am) which he does twice a month. I lost it with dh when he moaned about crying, that he got a lie in every day.

I apologised later for the shouting (not for what I said) and he said "I do one day a week, you should be grateful of that, I let you go back to bed at weekends (after I get up at 5am, he gets up at 9 and lets me go back to bed sometimes). He said that he is sorry but we can't afford for me not to work.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR He is a knob.

You need to be asleep by 10pm. Sacrifice your evenings until it gets better. Which it will.

Why vwould you want another child with a man who refuses to help and palys games that make you seem not coping- the latter is emotionally abusive.
Kids do this,i know its hard but they do. However the issue is your dh. What a prat.

DH never helped with DD1, she was an awful sleeper until she was 2 and he didn't once get up, even when I was ill, I had no help, my family lives abroad and I really suffered a lot, when I think about that period in my like I feel like crying still now. 8 years later and we have dd2 ( 9 month), I made it clear to him that this time things were going to be different or I would leave, sleep deprivation is a torture and I told him that if he really loved me he surely would not watch me suffer again like I did with dd1. Dd2 was waking up at 4.30 every morning until 3 weeks ago and I would pick her up, feed her and keep her until 6am and then dh would get up and look after her until 7.30 so I could sleep. At the weekend he gets up and I sleep until 9. i still always get up during the night, but i really don't mind as long as I know I cang get some sleep at some point. Dh is happy he is helping, it has made us closer and he is enjoying dd2 far more that he did with dd1.Ii think you have to be stong and make him do his bit, don't ask for help, that implies that it is just your responsibility and he is doing you a favour which is not the case!

You can't 'not work' because you need the money well fine - but he needs to acknowledge that this isn't a fair distribution of work st the moment - during term time surely he must see that it is only fair yo take turns at getting up eith DS.

Ask fir what you want to make things better. Don't shout or cry. Just ask.

All my 3 did the rising at 4am thing for a year or so each. Nothing we did made a difference and they werent sleeping in the day - even now at 8,6 and 4 they need very little sleep a night.

You have no choice but to get more sleep yourself by going to bed earlier or getting dh to help.

Put your child in front of tv, or playing and mark in the morning with a strong coffee - less to do at night that way. Or prioritise marking early evening and make sure you are in bed by 10.30. Let other things slide for a while.

Even better sort your husband out - even if it is just to look after dc at weekends while you sleep for a few hours to catch up.

that is a good idea to mark in the morning. I will try and talk to dh tonight.

Agh, I've just come to these boards as DS (20 months) has started waking at 4.45am every day - not happy to learn how long it goes on for though! We haven't tried blackout curtains yet so will give that a go before completely giving up.

I will say though - my DH gets up with him four mornings a week, and I do three. Before these super-early morning starts, he did five days a week, and gave me lie ins on Saturdays and Sundays. DH works full-time and I'm part-time (three days a week) - DH's view is that looking after a toddler is harder than a job, and as I have to do it alone two days a week I deserve a break from it in the early mornings. The routine we have now came completely from DH and wasn't something I had to ask for at all.

It is also making up for the fact that DS was breastfed so for six months (until night weaning) I got up several times every night while DH got to sleep through!

I read a funny post here about the difference between a lie in for mum and dad. It won't help you but it will make you laugh and not feel so alone.

Sorry can't help with the early waking predicament but you might find some good advice on the Sleepytot website as I always go there with my sleep problems... just as one is resolved, another arises!