Has anyone used controlled crying AND co-slept successfully?

[kveta]

DS is 8.5 months, and has always been an atrocious sleeper (he's still up twice a night most nights, but this is such a massive improvement, we consider it a decent night's sleep). We ended up co-sleeping after a few weeks, then wedged his cotbed next to our bed, where he's been since 4 months. We'd finally got him going to sleep at night in about 30 minutes - I'd feed him until drowsy, put him in the cot, and he'd nod off on his own. Then about 3 weeks ago, he just stopped. It's now taking up to 3 hours to get him down for the night, as he treats it like a game. He crawls away mid feed, closes his eyes until we move away, then bounces up with a glint in his eye, and starts doing circuits of the cot and bed. His latest one is to try and clear the bed in one bound, and get to the floor. It's hilarious, but equally a bloody nightmare for all of our sleep!

So anyway, several people have told us to try controlled crying. I am not sure that we can if he's still effectively co-sleeping, and I do like co-sleeping, most of the time. But I am going mad with sleep deprivation combined with having to work - I drive to work along a busy motorway, and it feels dangerous to do so on so little sleep! It's the only way for me to commute unfortunately.

Will we have to move him into the full cotbed with bars up, or has it been done with a 3-sided cot? I was so so against CC , but we've tried everything else we can think of (NCSS, we have a great bed time routine that he KNOWS means sleep, but it's becoming such a nightmare, and, well, I miss DP ). can anyone offer me hope?

Not me, and I can't imagine how you could actually.

Sounds to me that he needs to move into his own room!

There is a 8/9 month sleep regression: see here, here and here. It is quite likely that this is messing up his sleep. Even if it isn't, sleep training at 8/9 months is unlikely to be successful, whether that's controlled crying or a 'no-cry' method, since their brains are too busy working on the developmental spurt to be able to learn a new way of sleeping.

I don't have any immediate solutions, though, apart from doing whatever you can in the short term to allow everyone to get as much sleep as they can until this passes. And It Will Pass.

I didn't do CC. I DID have a very wriggly baby who co-slept! I think at that age I just reinforced 'sleeptime' and lay him down again (with my legs over him if necessary) then sang songs to distract..!

Agree it's a phase. My ds never did a cot and went into his own bed at 15mths or so where he usually now sleeps through (though sometimes comes into me). I will admit there were times when I thought 'oh gawd, i wish he had a cot I could leave him in.' But tbh it doesn't take them that long to learn to stay put.

Try to think what do you want him to learn? So if it's 'it's bedtime now, go to sleep', IMVHO, he will learn that quicker by being laid down and seeing you with your eyes closed rather than being left alone in a cot to cry/crash out.

I have always been with Angeldog - do what you can to get the most sleep. Ds sleeps MUCH better now than dd did at that age - am convinced because I didn't bother with the sleep training this time around.

PS at 8.5/9mths I think I did a lot of rocking too. And lots of feeding to sleep if you can.

Well, as some one who was lying in her DD's cotbed this evening pretending to be asleep so that she would go to sleep, I do sympathise. When bf to sleep has failed in this house I have tried:

• Sitting in the bedroom and ignoring (a book sometimes helped) while they do their best prancing and singing. No talking apart from the occasional 'lie down' or 'sleepy time now'

• Lying down next to the baby pretending to be asleep. Tonight I had to face away from DD and tell her the milk was all gone as she'd been suckling for ages and it was getting on my tits . She grumped and flopped around for a bit and then lay down back to back with me and went to sleep.

• Very very occasionally, when I'm at the end of my rope, and when me being there seems to be making the situation worse, I will leave the room and let them howl. If after 5 mins all is quiet I assume they are asleep. If still howling, I will go back in and try the softly softly approach again.

Oh, and DD is 18 months, so obv I have made a rod for my own back etc etc

But her big brother has slept brilliantly since pretty much the day he turned 2 yrs, despite me not 'sleep training'

RhinestoneCowgirl, there is a 18 month regression too (sorry): here. Hope it sorts itself again soon.

RhinestoneCowgirl, there is a 18 month regression too (sorry): here. Hope it sorts itself again soon.

Oops, a bit trigger-happy on the 'Post message' button.

I co-slept and fed to sleep with both DD and DS but at around 9/10 months I was so sleep deprived that I asked my mum to help.
It took 2 nights for DD to learn to self-settle and a bit longer for DS but it was very helpful to have someone a bit external to help make the transition. They have both been excellent sleepers since.

DS1 &DS2 went into their own cots at the age of 4 days

thanks for letting me know about the sleep regression - we missed the 4 month one (he wasn't sleeping well enough to regress!), so this one is a bit of a shocker. I'm not keen on full on sleep training - my parents used controlled crying (or whatever it was called then) on me, and I'm an atrocious sleeper, but DP wasn't sleep trained at all until he was 2, and sleeps really well. I know it's only anecdotal, but that's all the evidence I have at the moment!! We won't get any help from family - my parents have had DS for a total of 1 hour since he was born, and have made it very clear that he's my problem, not theirs. Which is fair enough

funny - we don't have the space for DS to go into his own room, plus which, I do like having him in our room - I spend precious little time with him during the day (I have to work), so it's nice to have him nearby at night. but thanks for commenting

kveta, fair enough, I did wonder if it was a space issue, and of course a work issue. Hope you get it sorted out. Nothing worse than a screaming baby!