Help needed with 12 month olds sleep

[crookmum]

Im sleep deprived and really need some help.

My 12 month old is still breastfed and associates breastfeeding with either napping or bedtime. During the day the only way to get her to sleep without a breastfeed is either taking her out in the car or for a walk in the buggy. Bedtimes she is breastfed to sleep and she still wakes up for a breastfeed in the night.

I was surviving (just about) but for the last few days she wont settle at bedtime and its been sooooo late when she has finally gone off to sleep (last night was 11pm) and then she has been overtired during the day.

I have never liked the idea of controlled crying but am at the end of my tether with how to get her to sleep without the boob.

Hope this makes sense and hope someone has some ideas. I keep thinking I should know what to do as she is my 3rd, and somehow I managed with the other 2, but cant seem to sort no 3 out!!

Help me please.....

Poor you

When you say she won't settle, what is her bedtime routine, and how is she not settling, and how long are you persevering for?

The only thing I can suggest is consistency in a bedtime routine, and a few nights of persisting at bedtime i.e get the message that after bath/bottle/story, you go in your cot, and you go to sleep. You don't come out of the cot once you're in it.

I did this with DD, and sometimes I am in there with her for 30 mins, sometimes only 5 minutes, but she knows that it's bedtime and doesn't cry, just some nights she wants to lie in there and chat to me, clap hands, sing, etc, so I just shhhsh and stroke and she gets the message eventually.

The way I do it is not for everyone as I do need to be in the room with her until she's asleep, but I wasn't keen on controlled crying (although some swear by it) so it works for us, and although some nights she is not particularly tired, she never cries and goes to sleep calm. I think they like it when they have a routine and know what's coming.

If you want to stop BFing to sleep, how about giving her a BF before the bath, then having a story in her darkened bedroom before putting her in her cot and stroking her until she drops off?

I had exactly the same problem. My health visitor recommended controlled crying but I was reluctant.

Someone on here posted an article but I can't remember where it was. It was written by an American doctor to wean babies (over 12 months) off co-sleeping and nightfeeding.

From what I can remember, it was kind of the gradual withdrawal method. So you decide a time which will mark the beginning of the nighttime. Breastfeed but then end the feed. Lots of cuddles etc, then lay down in the cot. Keep reassuring but don't pick back up again. Rub or pat back. When they are calm, stop patting and keep a hand on, then move the hand away, then step away from the cot, then out of the room.

I must confess, DS2 would get so hysterical that shushing and patting didn't really work that well so I did have to resort to controlled crying to a certain extent but I never left him more than 5 minutes. I would just go in, lie him back down and leave.

Where I went wrong is that, whatever method you choose, you have to be consistent, otherwise they get angry and confused. I would try CC one night, then stay in the room the following night, or in the middle of the night and nothing got any better. It was only when I picked a method and stuck to it that it started to work.

It's hard though but you have to remember that, although it might be hard for them, they need their sleep and at the moment she is not getting enough.

Good luck.

Thank you both for your replies.

DaydreamDolly - Your bedtime routine sounds like the one I used with my other 2. This time round its a bit hit and miss really. She has a bath/pjs and then all downstairs for quiet time and I feed her and she goes to sleep while the other 2 read or watch some tv. The trouble is that when I put her to bed she wakes up quite soon after or wakes when I put the other 2 to bed. So she ends up back downstairs where I continue to feed her and I tend to put her in her cot much later. But this has all gone wrong the last few nights as she has ended up having a power nap and then isnt interested in feeding and going back to sleep at all.

Overlsentimental - I like sound of the gradual withdrawl method. Im not sure I can do controlled crying, altho saying that right at this moment she is overtired... she doesnt want feeding to sleep, she doesnt want a cuddle, she doesnt want to lay in her cot.. and all I can hear is crying. My husband is in with her at the moment but nothing is settling her

Maybe I need to start leaving the older 2 for my husband to sort out at bedtime and I just deal with my daughter until she learns to self settle?

I definitely agree that they need their sleep... just need to convince her of that now!

Crookmum I am in exactly the same boat with DD (12 months next week).

Is the bedroom too light? I found as we began to get lighter evenings DD became harder to settle, putting in a blackout helped also stopped her waking at 4am thinking it was time to get up!

I would recommend getting DH to put the older two to bed so that once you have bathed her you can take her into the bedroom and keep her in there with the lights dimmed, maybe a story, then a feed, but try to stop before she falls asleep on the breast so that you put her in the cot awake. At first with DD I put her in her cot and rubbed her back/ear/head whilst she listens to her glow seahorse until she went to sleep. If she tried to get up and play I would tell her to lie down and if she didn't I would quietly leave the room. She would get upset and cry, which I let her do for a few minutes before returning and telling her to lie down again. She soon got the message. After a few days I moved to rubbing her back for a few minutes then moving to sit next to the cot where she could see me (again if she didn't lie down I would leave the room as before). Then I moved to sitting away from the cot, then sitting on a bed in the room, now I am trying to move towards the door in an effort to just be able to put her down and she self settle to sleep. Who knows maybe I will be successful

I have also found that by trying to restrict her to one longer nap in the middle of the day, she is so tired out she just goes straight to sleep after her bedtime routine without any fuss.

Other things could be if she is teething her mouth may be causing her pain, my DD's teeth seem to bother her more at night. I know because of teething my DD is feeding more for comfort in the night, so I know exactly how you feel last night she fed at 1am, 2.30am, 4.30am, 5.30am, 7am and again at 8am!

As I have been writing this she has woken again, but it was just wind, so winded her and without feeding put her down again. I am going to try getting DH to pat and shhh or offer her water if she wakes at night so that she doesn't smell the milk and want me to feed her. It could work ...