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HELP! Separation anxiety related sleep deprivation - how can any one survive this???

12 replies

dinkystinky · 04/06/2010 10:33

Since last Friday DS2 (nearly 16 months) has developed separation anxiety at nap and bed time - has to see us to fall asleep. Have been working on gradual withdrawal over the past week but from a little boy who would happily follow the bedtime routine (bf, story, into cot, burble and sleep) and sleep through he's turned into a nightmare who takes over half an hour to get to sleep and who wakes several times in the night wailing inconsolably. Has anyone had this, what did you do to get through it? A week of it has made poor DH and I feeble shadows of our former selves. Any advice/reassurance this too will pass (hopefully soon) will be most welcome.

OP posts:
dinkystinky · 04/06/2010 21:12

Has no one else gone through this???? Lucky me

OP posts:
Habbibu · 04/06/2010 21:16

This happened to us with dd at 18 mo. We restarted the gradual withdrawal we'd done when she was 9 mo or so - took a couple of weeks and all was fine again. We explained that we'd stay, and that she wasn't to worry, and then just crept a bit further away night by night. She's 3.8 now and has been fab for ages and ages - extra reassurance now will help him get through it.

dinkystinky · 04/06/2010 21:17

Thanks Habbibu - that's what I'm doing. Good to know someone has lived through it and it ended eventually...

OP posts:
Habbibu · 04/06/2010 22:02

No problem. We found briefing dd pretty thoroughly about what was happening was useful. Good luck!

largeginandtonic · 04/06/2010 22:06

Erm ds#5 does this. He started at about 19mths. He would climb out his cot to get to me.

He is in my bed every night. Serious separation anxiety. At all times, not just bed time.

I gave up tbh. He was inconsolable and the screaming kept the neighbours up too. He is 3 now.

He is my 6th child and i have NEVER experienced anything like it.

D2 (7th child) is fine so far. She is 17mths. I am dreading it. Hope she is like the others!

Poor you. Hope you manage to sort it.

SilveryMoon · 04/06/2010 22:10

dinky I knew this would be you when I read the thread title or should that be ?

dietcokeandwine · 04/06/2010 22:56

Went through exactly this with DS1 (now 5) around the 14 month stage. Was bloody exhausting, and you have my absolute and every sympathy.

I can vividly remember spending 3 hours doing gradual withdrawal in middle of night. We tried co-sleeping, several times, in desperation, but DS1 had never really coslept so this also totally freaked him out and he just screamed. He wanted to be in his cot, but with me in the room, and preferably standing over the cot not sitting down

But I can promise it doesn't go on forever and it DOES get better. If he was a good sleeper before this kicked in, chances are he will come through it and go back to being a good sleeper. DS1 certainly did.

Carry on with the gradual withdrawal - it works, and it's the best way to get through this without feeling you are being either too tough or too soft. Does he have a comforter of any kind (muslin, soft toy etc)? If not, try introducing one; a cuddly toy really helped DS1. I found it also helped to start using the same phrases on put down (i.e. mummy's here, mummy loves you, mummy see you in the morning etc etc) and slowly, slowly it worked. It did take weeks, rather than days, but it worked.

You will find that as he gets older there will quite likely be other periods of separation anxiety type stuff - DS1 went through the fear of the dark phase just before he was 3, for example, and again was unsettled for a few weeks before he calmed down again. But honestly if you are calm and consistent they do work through these phases (and then move on to the next one )

I'm so looking forward to the separation anxiety phase with DS2 (7mo) - NOT

largeginandtonic · 05/06/2010 08:02

Have hope dietcoke none of the others did it for me. I am clinging to that hope with dc7.

Ds5 was an excellent sleeper before all this started too. Would love going to bed. Wake in the night and sing nursery rhymes to hismself. I used to congratulate myself on such a fab sleeper That serves me right then!

Stick with your chosen technique Dinky. I am sure it will work. When ds5 started his antics dh was on deployment and i had no will power really.

AvrilHeytch · 05/06/2010 08:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

JackBauer · 05/06/2010 08:43

dinky, dd1 was like this at about 18 months, helpfully I was 8 months pregnant at the time, lots of extra reassurance helped. Gradual withdrawal does take time, espeically when you have been used to sleeping in the night before, but stick at it. Everytime I cave and sleep in the DD's beds now, even if they are ill, I have a week of gradual withdrawal to pay for it, so try not to cave.
it's horribl,e just when you think they are old enough to sleep.
It might sound weird, but have you thought of a bed, might be a bit early but DD2 was fine when we moved her into a bed with much less crying etc.

fwiw both dd's have to be cuddled for naps still, at 4.4 and 2.7 but that's not too much of a hardship so I don't mind.

dinkystinky · 05/06/2010 21:17

Thanks guys - good to know there are a few survivors out there

LG&T I take my hat off to you!

OP posts:
TheFoosa · 05/06/2010 21:24

my dd was like this, it lasted until she was about 6

she is 7 now and much better, but still sometimes wanders in at 4am

I also took the path of least resistance and let her sleep with me

was probably the wrong thing to do but didn't (and still don't) care tbh

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