my 4 month old wont sleep any one have any ideas im so exausted!

[ollysmum1]

my 4 month old is waking up every hour (sometimes more) during the night, most of the time he wants the bottle other times he just cries, im really at the end of my teather and dont know what to do to help, i know he is waking up because he is used to me rocking him back to sleep and doesnt know how to fall asleep on his own. the only advice i get is to let him cry until he falls back to sleep, which i really dont want to do, i have heard recent studies say it is bad for your childs mental health to do this, i just dont know any more. anyone who has any advice on other methods or even suggestions about leaving him to cry would be greatly welcomed. thank you.

Can you do the 'pat pat shush shush' thing without lifting him out of his cot? This worked for me at this age and my DS slept through the night after 3 nights of me patting his back (he was a tummy sleeper) and saying shush shush quietly until he went to sleep. The next night i didn't have to do it as long and the third he hardly woke, just stirred.
Mind you he is a little bugger now and is driving my crazy with his sleep patterns but hey ho hope it works for you!

problem with my little one is that when he wakes up he just screams so i have to pick him up, iv heard of the pick up put donw technique anyone tried this?

If this is a significant change in his previous sleeping patterns, it is likely the uber-awful 4mo growth spurt, especially as he mostly wants his bottle. I posted something similar around this time with my DS - god it was awful! You certainly won't be alone.

My DS is nearly 7mo and it did settle down (though we went straight into megateething - another story! Hopefully your DS won't). I co-slept with him to help me get through this, though at the time he was ebf, so frequent feeds were easier - only just moved him into his own room.

If co-sleeping not right for you, you could try the shush-pat, just make sure you have a consistent bedtime routine. imo 4mo is a little young for any stricter sleep training. Hopefully someother people will have better advice for you re the sleeping. I found this blog v helpful (you can do a search on it)
moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2007/05/moxie_manifesto.html

I will say get as much sleep as you can yourself whenever - nap when he does in the day (if poss), or get friend or partner to take him for a bit, just try to keep your batteries topped up!

It will pass - promise!

Lots of babies go through phases like this when they're four months old. It's part of their brain development, as they develop new skills their sleeping goes haywire. Is he in your room? Can you co sleep? I'm co-sleeping with dd (5 months) and have been for a month now partly because her sleeping was terrible and I had a rotten cold and she's much happier being in the same bed as me, even though her cot was right next to my bed. She holds my hand all night, I think as she became more aware of the world she suddenly got a bit more insecure.

He's still quite little and they can go through so many crappy sleep phases in the first year (or so...) Have you considered co-sleeping? I was too scared to with DS1 and by the time he was 9 months I was on my knees with exhaustion. Co-sleeping with him gave me back my sanity. With DS2 I co-slept from day one and apart from a few bouts of teething & illness we're both getting a great night's sleep.

how about one of those music/light boxes ? You strap em to side of the cot. Use it when you put them to sleep and it becomes a sleep association thing. Also, have you tried a dummy?

4 months is when they are learning a lot of new things, (they call it a developmental leap) which is known to disrupt their sleep. My 4 month old has recently learnt to roll over, to play loads more games, to laugh and is trying his best to crawl, and unfortunately is doing exactly the same sleep thing!!!

I am slowly losing the will to live! If it's any comfort, I know my DS can self settle as he does it in the day and has slept through the night before, and he does self-settle for some of the wake-ups, but his sleep is just terrible and sometimes he does want to be helped back to sleep.

Allegedly, in a couple of weeks they will start sleeping better, and we just have to push through til then.

he is in his own cot and i would like to try and keep it that way, although sometimes he does come in with me at about 3 in the morn if we have had a really bad night. he has always had these sleep problems, i think it is my fault as when he was first bourn i would pick him up as soon as i made a noise and sice then it has just got worse.

It certainly isn't your fault - newborns are supposed to be picked up/held loads, you did exactly the right thing.
Some babies just take longer to get the hang of this sleep thing. I know that's not much help, but my DS sounds v similar to yours (never been a good sleeper) and we are now seeing longer stretches from him (when his teeth let him - had 5 come through in 3 wks!!). I know it seems like forever, but if you try to take a long-term view, it is a tiny portion out of his/you whole life. (I keep telling myself this...)

Info on the 4 month sleep regression in case it helps:

here, here, here and here.

If you are going to try any sort of sleep training (eg pick up put down) it's recommended you wait till 5.5 months or afterwards (see the third link above) as during the 4 month period babies are working so hard on the developmental spurts that they've not got much capacity for learning how to sleep differently then as well.

That's not to say you can't try it if you're desperate, just that it's less likely to work during a sleep regression period.

I have found this site very useful for sleep issues - sleepytot community

Some pro controlled crying though so maybe not for everyone!

Have you tried a dummy? Also have a look at the no cry sleep solution (book by Elizabeth Pantley) where you gradually work on putting them down more awake so they learn to self settle.