Yes Dummy, No Dummy

[Bena1]

My DS is 14 weeks and starting to have a slightly disturbed sleep. He has discovered his hands and when he's not in a deep sleep at night he shoves his hands, more like fists in his mouth. Then slowly he starts to drift, the hands start to drop and boom as soon as they hit the mattress it wakes him up. Sometimes I leave him to it but he eventually just wakes himself up with the repetition. At other times I stand over his cot and force his hands down until he sleeps. This whole thing usually starts after 3 am. I've tried patting him back to sleep or through the cot holding one on is hands but he wants his hands instead.

I've always been super against using dummies but I'm desperate for sleep ( I wake up every 2 hours to feed) and think a dummy may help him get back to sleep. Should I introduce a dummy? Also once introduced is it a nightmare to eventually get them off the habit? All/any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks!

Why are you so against them? They are recommended for babies under 6 months now, for SIDS, apart from anything else. DS2 is 6 months and has a dummy just for sleeping. Absolute godsend when he needs settling back or needs a nap - I have a 3yo so can't spend ages settling the baby.

We took DS1's dummy away at 8 months, because he'd started wanting it more during the day as well as for naps and we were also having to get up umpteen times in the night to put it back in. We expected trauma but actually after two nights he slept all the way through without needing it and that was it. More difficult if the child has it during the day and when they are a toddler I think, but if you get rid of it sooner than that it's fine.

My daughter is 18 weeks and I spend all night putting the bloody dummy back in... she pulls it out with her hands and shoves her fists in but still doesnt settle untill the dummy is back in.. My other 3 all had dummies and i had no problem getting the dummy off them when it was time..

I was a thumb sucker and didn't particularly enjoy the 3 years spent as a teenager with braces, including headgear etc etc.

So I am a big fan of dummies if they are starting to suck thumb/fingers.

My DS was very similar and woke every 2 hours through the night as well - or more! He was a real screamer and the dummy seemed to give him comfort although I never used it instead of feeding. If he wanted food he could have it.

I tried not to use it during the day as he got older and was starting to vocalise and practice making sounds.

I know a lot of people are anti-dummies but I can't help feeling that, while some have very good reasons, others are perhaps being a bit snobby [awaits flaming]. If it works for you and seems to give your baby some comfort - then why not?

With respect to getting rid of it, I have heard lots of stories of it being quite quick to do when they are old enough to understand and can reap the benefits of dummy fairies and the like.

practise

omg

Thanks everyone.

DameGladys - my little one seems to be on his way to becoming a thumb sucker and I know that's worse than a dummy. I have to admit I am snobby about dummies and hence have been putting it off

I don't want to replace feeds with a dummy, just want to give him a dummy when he doesn't settle even after a feed.

But then like others say, if I have to keep getting up to put a spitted dummy back into his mouth, why bother! I wanted to use one to give myself a bit of sleep and quiet - this doesn't like the way forward.

Dummies are a mixed blessing, if you ask me - and of course, not all babies will take them.

As above, my DD uses a dummy to settle to sleep, naps and overnight - and it really helps get her off quickly. During the day we have it handy if she's out with us in the pram or sling as it often helps her chill out if she gets fussy. I'm trying hard not to give it to her unless she needs it and she will settle to sleep overnight without it quite often. I tend to remove it once she's more-or-less asleep so she doesn't always expect to have it in her mouth - huge numbers of overnight repluggings are the curse of dummies, which is why I'm keen for my DD not to rely on constantly having it in her mouth during sleep. Dummies are addictive! That's probably their main drawback (and the replugging that comes with that...)

Have you tried swaddling? There's an "arms up" method which gives the baby access to their hands while still restricting movement and the moro reflex. It's demonstrated here - might be an answer (can be used in tandem with a dummy, if you like).

In terms of the overnight thing, DS2 does have one to settle to sleep but doesn't need it constantly plugging back in. It falls out and he's fine. DS1 used to be the same, then he started waking up for it, which was the point we then got rid of it.

Thanks everyone. Still a bit confused about what to do. He may not even like it! He takes the bottle so I haven't been expressing and he wakes up every 2 hours. It's really killing me.

Inmaculada - what is this swaddling thing? I'm in a country with a very slow internet service so it's really impossible to watch the youtube video. But the way you describe is how I put DS in. He sleeps in his cot so all blankets are tucked in and just below his armpits - arm, neck and face out.

Try the dummy. I would. It was a total lifeline with DS as, like you, I was getting hardly any sleep.

Yes, he was one that needed the dummy replacing in the night. But this soon became once or twice a night as opposed to 20 times having to feed him back to sleep!

I did have to persevere in introducing one as he didn't seem interested initially. I genuinely felt that it would offer him some comfort though - he was very sucky.

Ah, ok - hmmm, it's a bit difficult to describe without seeing it done. Try this which is pictures, so hopefully you can see it okay.

Arms are in the swaddle, but up by the face. As it's now getting warm, you'd want to do this in a thin material rather than a swaddling blanket - perhaps an old cotton sheet cut down a bit. You can get muslin swaddles from Aden & Anais here if you decide it's a go-er.

Of course, you may be in a country which is getting colder, in that case stick with a blanket!

thanks so much for this immaculada, i see what you mean. i'll try it.

i think i'm going to try the dummy tonight. will let you know how it goes! typing with one hand so no caps etc.

One thing to look out for is if you DS is used to putting his hands up to his mouth a lot, he may keep knocking a dummy out, which won't solve your problem.... (without swaddling...)

Just to be update you all, he rejected the dummy

I'm so tired.

I will try swaddling.

[tired]

If the problem is when his hand falls out of his mouth then a dummy probably won't help, but if you still want to try then the ones with a 'cherry' teat instead of an orthodontic teat tend to be easier to hold onto.

It will probably just be a phase until he is able to keep his hand in his mouth. my DD2 has a dummy and would frequently drop it in the night, was very tiring! She's 6mo now and it doesn't bother her if she drops it, and if she really wants it then she can usually retrieve it herself (unless its fallen out of her cot). It won't last forever, just need to be patient until he is a bit older.

Thanks Grapesandmore. I just don't want him to start sucking his thumb because that is a difficult habit to get rid of.