26 month old who won't settle to sleep

[kieragro]

i am the mother of DD1- 26 months and DD2 11 weeks old. DD1 has always had issues going to sleep. she was breast fed for a year and i often attribute this to her issues as she fell asleep whilst feeding and refused a dummy. I tried so many things- the no cry sleep solution, controlled crying. she is a very verbal and determined child who would make herself sick etc. Now we sit in her room until she falls asleep and she will often cry for half an hour plus until she exhausts herself. some nights she isn't asleep until ten o'clock and to be honest i totally dread night time with her- i think she senses this!!! she was moved into her bed before the arrival of her sister and i now feel that this has compounded the problem because she demands that we sit beside the bed and rub her back. if we do not and isit in the room on her rocking chair she will cry and get out of the bed or throw her teddies out to get out of the bed. I really need HELP!!! DD2 appears to be a good sleeper but because my husband does shift work i often feed her in the room whilst DD2 cries until they both fall asleep- not good sleep routine for DD2. please please adivse me on what to do to start here. both need a routine and i need to get DD1 to sleep without crying. it would be a dream come true to have her settle herself to sleep one day. Sorry for the rant.... but i'm at the end of my patience!!!

I really sympathise. It's so hard to reason with them at 26 months (my DS is 27 months). He slept very badly and we had some of your problems though not others - no one's exactly the same after all. We did controlled crying for months, tried reasoning, all sorts. the only thing that really worked was DH getting really angry with DS and making this very clear to him! Not ideal, but it did work. A night light helped - a Buzz Lightyear one so he could see a friendly face - and classical music CDs. We were also pretty strict about not giving in, but it really helped to have two of us. Doing it alone is so stressful. Other than that, when I finally decided we weren't coping, the doctor eventually prescribed phenegan (?) as DS was up for most of the night as well as not settling. Because he was two he was able to have this to break the bad sleep cycle. He had it for a week and has slept pretty wonderfully ever since, without it. (That was March). Last resort, I know, but it worked. Give it a few more months though and you can use the sticker chart. My DD (4) loves her stickers. It feels terrible when they're not sleeping but it will get better. Hang on in there

I clicked on this hoping for some advice as well kieragro (19mo old won't go to bed and wakes every 45 mins wanting to be cuddled back to sleep), so although nothing constructive to add....am sending empathy and sleep vibes; tis truly rotten. DS2 is my youngest though. I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like with a newborn to deal with as well! Much hugs.

thanks for posting some replies.. some good advice and also good to know that you are not alone- always seems to me that my friends kids go to sleep with no problems at all ( maybe i am too honest about it!!!). think i am going to try a more definite routine... when i consider her routine it has become quite haphazard with the new arrival. also going to employ a reward chart- initially for the easily achievable tasks during the day and then moving onto firstly no crying going down at night with us in the room. i am keen to try the controlled crying again- my husband is adamant that it is not going to happen as my daughter contiually screams 'don't leave me'- it is heart wrenching but i do think it is the only thing that works with a very lively, verbal child who continually tries to engage you in converstation when you are in the room( that is when she is not crying or trying to get out of bed!!!) will try the first few things0 one step at a time- get her into a better routine and not crying with us in the room. then possibly CC or gradual withdrwal. wish me luck.

I remember the screaming (DS not me) and rattling the cot side and shouting 'mummy!' like I'd abandoned him and he was going to explode with rage / unhappiness. It was so loud! We just kept being firm and saying we'd be back. (not in Terminator sense obviously - though at times seemed reasonable idea...) Sometimes I'd have to hold his hands and count with him to calm him down. It is madness, and all these people who suggest (how dare they) it might be your 'parenting skills' as they did with me, don't realise I have done exactly the same as with DD who was fine! Children are just different. Your DD1 will settle one day and she really won't remember any of this. In fact, when she's older, she'll probably accept she was only doing it to wind you up - daughters I think are good at this! Wishing you peace and relaxation very soon - you are doing so well coping with this and a baby too. Hats off to you. You are doing great. Just think of those mornings when she's a teenager and you're dragging her out of bed - you can enoy that!