What am I doing wrong?!

[Bena1]

DS is 13 weeks and EBF. He wakes at night to feed about 3/4 times and that's fine because I think he's genuinely hungry but nap time - that's another matter! A baby his age should need/want at least 4 to 4.5 hours of day sleep. DS just fights sleep. We use to rock, walk, shake, sing - basically whatever it took to put him to sleep in the afternoons and then hold him while he slept as he would wake up the minute we put him down. The funny thing is at night he happily goes in this cot. That's probably because we have a bed time routine and we only put him in his cot AFTER he falls asleep . Now I've started nap time in his cot as well but when he's awake and after a feed. He only manages 30mins at a time. WHY OH WHY?! For the afternoon nap he does 30mins, wakes up, cries his eyes out, I feel bad and feed him (seems like he's genuinely hungry) and then put him back in. He cries for at least an hour or so while I hold his hand (walk away occasionally thinking it's my face that's making him cry!) and finally he sleeps. But he only really falls asleep as I hold his hand. Of course I think yes, now he'll sleep longer as he's so tired - nope after a long cry I only get a 38mins rest maximum. We do a morning nap and then an afternoon nap. By the time we finish our ordeal and he does his last 30mins we're at 3:00 and then we do bath and bed at 5:30 pm.

Isn't what I'm doing a form of CC or have I just invented this? What am I doing wrong that he doesn't fall asleep for longer than 30mins without me having to hold him? Should I just give in and not try a long afternoon nap? Or am I just completely not getting the point here? Sorry for the long rant. Please please please help!

some babies need less sleep than others...none of my 3 napped for more than 40 mins through the day from about 8 wks (until they were walking and then they would sleep 1-2hrs). Try letting him find his own way, feed him when he wakes after 30mins then play...you will most likely find he is happy to be awake and doing things for 1.5-2hrs then ready to nap again Mine all liked to have a little feed before going back to sleep but some people would advise against feeding to sleep - each to their own though!#Good luck

Thanks SLEEPWHENIDIE! DS starts rubbing his eyes 10 mins after a 30min nap and feed. I thought that was a sign of him being sleeply again hence I put him back in the cot. Should I wait for him to rub his eyes a bit more and maybe even cry a little?

he may just be waking up - from what you say, it doesn't sound like he wants to go straight back to sleep. Just try it and see what happens. After an hour or so he may go from happy to irritable/yawning, then is the time to try and settle him down for another nap.

It can be frustrating having only 30-40mins to yourself at a time but if that is what he needs then the sooner you accept it and go with the flow the easier life will feel and things will be much more predictable and pleasant. Then hope naps get longer later on - I appreciated 2hrs at lunch time sooo much between DS age 1-2.5!

oh, also, mine hated napping in cot in the day, they were much better in sling/car/pushchair. I never minded this though as given a choice, I would rather be forced to go out and about than be stuck indoors every nap time.

Thanks for this. Yes, I'll try just going with the flow a bit. I think trying to follow a book or schedule is just winding me up and tiring me out.

You've been more of a help than you know!

Just wanted to add that at that age my DD would only nap for 45 mins at a time and so had 4 / 5 naps. She could only stay awake for about an hour and a half, 2 hours max. I would put her down straight after her first yawn, if I missed the window she would not settle! I never ever imagined she would sleep for longer in the day but it did gradually change and now at 16 months she will sometimes sleep for over 2 hours after her lunch!

Thanks Hannah17. Yeah I think that seems about right for DS as well except I don't understand this putting them in at the first sign of sleep - it really doesn't work for me. I'll keep trying though.

I'm so exhausted so I'm sure that doesn't help things.

Bena its really early days, go easy on yourself - you and DS are just getting to know each other! In another month or so you will find a rhythm and recognise his cues, believe me . Try and just enjoy him and not worry about routines so much, it will come without being forced.

Agree with sleepwhenidie, it does take a while to get to know the sleepy signs. My DS (20 weeks) yawns lots after he wakes up (not a sign of sleepiness) but stops once I feed him. He yawns again 45 mins later (not a sign of sleepiness). Now two hours or so later he yawns again which is a sign of sleepiness. I'd go with the clock - start trying after about an hour and a half awake at that age.

hi Bena how was the weekend ?

My DD also seldom naps for more than 40/45 mins at a time - so I just make sure she has lots of naps. It's very common for babies of this age, I reckon. My DD can't usually go much more than an hour before she needs a snooze. A couple of big yawns and some eye-rubbing usually signals tiredness, although she doesn't always go straight off to sleep. A bit of dummy-sucking for settling and cuddling up to a muslin helps. She also prefers to take her naps in the pram, but is fine in her baby bed at night.

If a baby isn't tired, it's a hell of a job to get them to fall asleep, so I would make life easier on yourself and if the baby still hasn't dropped after ten mins of trying, get him up and do something. Going out is good. Do you have a sling? That often gets my DD sleepy or asleep. Also, have you tried swaddling? I know it's hot at the mo, but you can get muslin swaddles which are a lot cooler than a blanket.

Good luck!

Hi SLEEPWHENIDIE after reading all the comments here I feel much better and reassured. I didn't push nap time at all. I just with the flow a bit more and that helped a lot. I think ANGELDOG's little one and mine may be related - same applies to my DS but it's the eye rubbing that he does over and over again. But like you said I do still have a lot to learn re his signs.

Today I thought he was tired (in fact I know he was but was fighting it) and I put him in his cot. Of course he didn't like it one bit, cried and cried. I didn't force it, remembering all of you in the process, and just took him out. He didn't sleep again for an hour so I clearly didn't read the signs or I missed the window for him to fall a sleep in or whatever this whole thing is all about. I mean why can't it be simple, their tired they sleep?!? Anyway, I was just exhausted from a night of waking every 2 hours. For the next nap I just put him down on the sofa, turned off the tv and patted him to sleep (he was already falling asleep). He slept for 40 mins while I went on MN and facebook!

That's good news. I also think that when people say they "know their baby's signs" it is as much about knowing their habits and so being able to make a good guess about what they need when they cry rather than recognising a particular cry, so don't get hung up on that too much.

The other advice that I know I wish I had followed with my first was to sleep when they do - even if you only get 20 mins you should feel less shattered. Remember you probably won't be able to do this with your next baby as the older one will need you - it is a lovely luxury to have, make the most of it!

If you aren't sick of reading advice books then the Baby Whisperer is a good one and explains about establishing a routine suited to the baby rather than a strict schedule. Again though, don't try and follow it to the letter and stress about it. Good luck .