Nearly 3 year old driving me bananas since move from cotbed to single bed

[OhExpletive]

How depressing, despite living on this board when I first got into MN I probably haven't had to start a thread in this topic for nearly 2 years - but I'm stumped

Background: DS is nearly 3 and started life as one of the worst sleepers imaginable due to a combination of colic, wind, overtiredness and the usual newborn strife (which took us around a year to really get to grips with). Over time he's settled down to being really great about bedtimes, and until a month ago he went to bed in a toddler-size cotbed thing (which used to be his cot). He hasn't slept through since last year sometime when he did so on and off for around 3 weeks. Usually he just comes through and gets into bed with us sometime after 2-3am (which is fine, we haven't tried to change it).

We moved him last month into a single bed because DC2 is due in September and he'd been doing fine in the cotbed. He goes down in the single bed fine, no problems, no resistance. But he's started waking earlier and earlier, so that sometimes he's awake and asking into our bed before we've even got there ourselves. And there's often serious resistance about getting him back into his own bed. If we're already asleep it's fine, but it's a massive PITA when we're still on the go in the evening and he's kicking up a fuss. He's also becoming the fidget from hell so quite often there's a middle-of-the-night row because he's been kicking one of us or thrashing around, which I'm not certain is intentional but neither DP or I are terribly patient at the moment

Last night was rotten - he was awake around 10.30pm and put up a fight about staying in his own bed, then eventually for peace he came into ours, couldn't lie still so asked back to his, woke up crying ten minutes later and spent 2 hours wailing about something but (despite being very verbal) couldn't explain what the problem was, eventually settled in his own bed until 5.30am when he started howling again, refused to come into our bed but then had a change of heart and now is in bed with DP. I, needless to say, couldn't get back to sleep.

Sorry, this is a ramble. I know that when he was little writing it out in a post was in some ways as much help to me as the advice I got from others. It's so hard to think straight when you're completely knackered.

Any suggestions?

Little bump for people who are bright-eyed, bushy tailed and obviously experts at having sleeping children

Totty wee bump before bedtime nears ...

Bumping this because I can't do it much longer. Was up from 12.30 until 4.30 then dozed in DS's bed with him for a bit, got in my own bed at 6 and back up by 7.30. Spent much of the time either shouting at DS or crying myself .

DS just has these nights where he can't lie still, but refuses to be on his own, hence poking and clawing and kicking at whoever lies with him. I have no idea what to do. I'm going to try and get hold of a HV sometime today but because he seems restless I'm reluctant to do anything too brutal in case he's uncomfy.

But we can't go on like this, I'm pregnant, still working 10 or 11 hour days and some nights, and DP has a job which involves getting up in the middle of the night and driving hundreds of miles a few days a week. Being this tired is not sustainable.

I'm sorry, a feeble bump for anyone who thinks they might be able to help ... although i know it's not looking good!

Didn't want you to go unanswered - poor all of you. Our ds is also not a great sleeper and I console myself that it is just "personality" because the 3 dds are great (in fact can't get them out of bed). What do you think about putting his bed next to yours? Is there room - our ds settles with one of us, goes asleep into his own bed right next to us and then comes in at some point in the night. He know if he kicks he gets put back in his bed. It sort of works for us..

I think you need to be tough to break this cycle. You've sent out mixed messages about where he can sleep.
Don't speak to him when he wakes, keep taking him back to bed, but don't speak, shout or cry.
Try the withdrawal method where you sit by the bed until they settle moving further away as they improve.
You may find though that you have to return him to his bed 30 plus times for the first few nights, but don't make eye contact or speak too much as they are getting the reaction they want.
Its all about them trying to control you, the more you react the better the result for them. No reaction equals boredom and eventually they do give up.
You could try a sticker chart if he understands. Keep it simple to start with.
Take a look around his room and make sure there is nothing he doesn't like or its too dark/light.
Whatever you do decide to do, stick to it otherwise its a waste of time, if you don't want him in your bed don't let him in.
Good luck xx

I agree about the mixed messages. You need to decide, in with you or in his own room? If in with you, are you happy to continue that when new baby arrives? If not, better to be firm about his own room now rather than make the change when there is the upheaval of the baby as well (otherwise he might negatively associate the two).

Interesting that you are pregnant, do you think he's playing up a bit because he knows something is going on? I know dd1's sleep became pretty erratic in the later stages of pregnancy with dd2, and she's normally a champion sleeper. It's amazing what small things they pick up on. Don't know how pregnant you are, but if it's not too early, it might be worth starting to read your ds books about new babies, so he can start to imagine the change with you, rather than knowing something is going on, but not knowing what. Just a thought, could be way off!

Oh thank you so much! I'm just getting really, really down about it all. And yes, we're doing that "desperate for sleep so we'll go with the flow whatever" thing which was fine when he was wee but yes, is confusing him now I guess.

He knows about the baby, that there's one in my tummy, he has felt it move etc. He's OK with it and I am careful never to say that I'm tired because of the baby etc. We're doing books and talking about brothers and sisters and new babies etc, that seems to be OK - but could be unsettling him more than we realise I guess.

The issue is that neither of us have minded cosleeping if that's what he's wanted to do, because until now it's been fine - and on some nights it still is fine. In fact two nights ago DP and I woke in the morning and neither of us remembered him coming into bed, but sure enough there he was between us! Now he can't lie still and he's twitching and tossing and turning and trying to talk, it's different.

I'm reluctant to take him out of his room because bedtimes tend to be fine, he's happy with his bed and goes off to sleep on his own without one of us present. It's just once he's woken up he's unhappy without one of us. I guess we need to be getting tough and consistent.

Bump for evening crowd then I will let thread die peacefully, I promise!

Have your tried Supernanny ? It takes about 2 nights apparently, you start off by saying 'it's bed time' and leading him back to bed, then you say 'bed time' and take him back to bed, then you don't talk at all, you just take by the hand and put him back to bed. Be warned thought, the first 2 nights you have to do it about 80-100 times until they learn there is no fun to be had.

I haven't tried it yet but when I face this situation which I'm sure I will, it's my plan.