Am I the only woman who's spent 6 hours settling her newborn to sleep?

[SpeedyGonzalez]

This is getting ridiculous. She started off falling asleep like a dream - I'd put her in her basket after the first yawn and off she'd go: fuss, fuss, fuss...snoooooore...

Then after she turned about 1 week old (she's now nearly 2 weeks) that all came to a crashing end. Now she simply will not settle. We rock, cuddle, breastfeed, co-sleep, sing, push in buggy, pick up & put down for hours on end. Nothing will make her settle. Eventually, hours and hours later she will crash out and then sleep for hours at a time.

Please somebody reassure me that I'm not the only one who's been through this!

I would just say not to worry at the moment about trying to get her to fit to your timetable of when you think she should be sleeping - just go with the flow! She will settle into a routine soon enough. Do you have other children to look after? If not - I know you're probably bored of hearing it, but - sleep when she sleeps

and congratulations!

I am assuming, given the time you have posted, that your darling child has become one of those unaccountable grizzly types in the evening.

Am I right in guesssing she sleepps ok in the day?

I don't have any advice- but as she is only two weeks there will be no routine as such- but no, you are most definitely not the only one.

agree with GandT, I would just go with it and have her with you where you are and snatch some sleep as soon as she sleeps, whenever that may be

Welllllllll DS never took that long, but he was a bugger at one stage, he thought if he went to sleep he was missing something.

What you need to bear in mind is that until 14 days ago she was safe and warm in a tiny cocoon inside you. The world must be a very traumatic place for one so young.

The two things we did was swaddle, and also put a tshirt/top in the cradle with him that smelt of one of us,we would wear it until it was needed.

HTH

When you say she doesn't settle, can you clarify, is she crying all this time? What happens when you try feeding her? Have you tried gripe water/infacol/etc (not sure what youngest age is, but quite little I think).

Sorry for all the questions just trying to get an idea of what's going on

I think you're trying too hard. Stick her in a sling and go about your normal business - she'll sleep when she's ready, and eventually that will fall into a pattern. 6 hours trying to get a newborn to sleep is not the way forward - if she wants to be held, hold her. And congratulations .

Ooooo yes, they do lull you into a false sense of security in the first week or so! It does get easier but the lack of sleep comes as a terrible shock with your first baby - it did to me anyway!
My health visitor recommended a dummy at this stage, which worked with my first but not my second.
We also had one of those baby swings which we nicknamed the 'magic swing' because DS would fall asleep within moments (although we did ration it so that he (I) didn't become too dependant).
I promise that although you feel like your brain is on fire and you will never feel rested again - you will sleep again, and your DD will be able to settle herself and sleep all night.
O yes, and congratulations and sleep when she sleeps!

Thanks all, you're so reassuring!

To answer your questions,

(1) Yes, I do have another child. Thankfully DH is still on pat leave but not for long!!! I keep thinking: What the hell am I going to do next week?
(2) Not sure 'grizzly' is the word I'd use; she just wakes every time you think she's settled and then will cry (proper crying) if you put her down anywhere. It's not that she's uncomfortable, Bertie; she just keeps waking. Grr.
(3) Tried swaddling - she hates it and then will wriggle so much she'll pull the blanket up over her face. What a pain as in the last two days she's started waking herself with her flailing arms. Will try Mummy Smell T-shirt, though.
(4) Sling - yes, that's the only thing that works in a short space of time; though when I then try to take her out of sling and put her down she still wakes up, so I can't get anything done (by 'anything done' I am talking small stuff; not trying to repaint the house but would like to spend 15 mins a day doing my post-natal exercises, for e.g.).
(5) False sense of security - yes, someone else said that to me this week!
(6) She rejected the dummy, then I realised that it's not a great idea to use it so early as I'm still establishing bfing.

Well, upon reflection I perhaps am expecting too much at this stage. I am so conscious that we made mistakes with DS's sleep and am seriously worried about getting DD into bad habits early on. TBH I'd be happy with just having her fall asleep on her own - even if it meant that she wakes more frequently. But what I think you're all saying is that she will continue to change her sleep behaviour over the next few weeks so I shouldn't worry too much at this stage. Is that right?

Funny how you forget so much about newborns when you have an older child.

Thanks again for your input. She seems to have settled now so I will (fingers crossed) transfer her from the sofa to her Moses basket.

Night.

Totally normal for her only to want to sleep on you. Don't worry about bad habits - everything will change lots anyway, many times! Falling asleep on their own is something that at least half the 4 or 5 month olds I know haven't yet managed to do, so I wouldn't worry about that at this stage.

I would stick with the sling as much as you can for now, but I'm sure it won't kill her if you have to put her down for a few minutes every so often, as long as you're not leaving her to cry for long spells. It will get better!

Oh, and congratulations!

this is precisely why i am not doing any kind of routine when next dc is born in a few weeks time.

i almost killed myself with exhaustion trying to get ds to follow a routine!

i have dusted off the sling and i am planning on keeping baby on me most of the time, with a moses basket handy for when my back can't take anymore, and just going with the flow.

My dd didn't know night from day for the first 6 weeks. I used to try for hours and hours and end up exhausted and frustrated. I discovered that she hated the basket so we put her in the carry cot bit of the pram. We also stopped trying and went with the flow and it became much easier.

My second DS was like this too in the early stages so I feel your pain!

You just need to keep going and try not to worry too much. She will get better eventually.

Do keep your eye out for things that might be causing it though - it took me weeks before I realised that the moro reflex was waking my DS up as soon as he had gone to sleep. We too had tried swaddling in the early days without success, but when I finally noticed his little arms waking him up 8 whole weeks on (I still cannot believe I had not noticed it before!) I tried swaddling again and this time it worked.

It is hideous, I completely remember, but just try to take a day at a time and keep going. You are doing a great job!

My DS was like this - he'd feed for 30 minutes, sleep for 45 then be a little bugger for 2 hours. On a recurring cycle!

The day we got back from hospital, DH was very nearly conned into spending the night sitting on a hard chair in our bedroom so ds could sleep on his chest. He (DS) hated the fancy swinging crib I bought him, and would only reluctantly go into his own cot.

He was a real velcro baby, not helped by my milk being rather less copious than he would have preferred, and very bad colic.

I gave in, and just kept him on me the whole time - if I had things to do he went in a sling, and we co-slept.

I am not sure that I could have done as much for a second baby, though, and always assumed that with a second I would toughen up and the problem would disappear. From your experience, maybe not!

The swing saved my sanity when I found it - ds loved it and it gave me a bit of baby-unencumbered time to DO things.

If it is any help, DS grew into a confident toddler, with a stunning vocabulary who slept like a log until 6.30. Getting there was tough, though.

Good luck!

Good

Sorry - ignore the second good

Try the Dr Karp 5S technique - it can really help calm them down and get them sleepy... There's a clip on Youtube when Dr K was on Richard and Judy which explains how it works.

It's worth a go!

Re swaddling - my LO didn't like it either - and in fact still protests when I swaddle her, but tends to sleep better with her flailing arms under control. The protests usually die down pretty quickly. Mind you, she manages to fight her way out of the swaddle every so often, so I end up re-swaddling a few times overnight, which isn't exactly ideal...

Thanks again, all! Have decided to use the sling and go with the flow, as you all suggest! And guess what? I am SO much less stressed out. Oh, and DD has been asleep on our laps since about 11pm tonight (3 hours earlier than usual).

Thanks for all your congrats and good wishes, and best of luck to you, neversaydie - and I highly recommend that you learn from my forgetfulness/ mistakes and don't bother trying to get your next LO into a routine for the first few weeks. Just enjoy cuddling and taking life more slowly.

Inmaculada - I'll take a look at that in a few weeks' time - if I look now it will be far too tempting to try and get DD doing things my way again - I've learned my lesson!

Thanks everyone!

Hooray! Hope things do continue well.

Good stuff, Speedy! Sometimes an adjustment in our own attitudes does more to dissipate the stress than the babies' own sleep habits!

Only thing I'd say about the 5S technique is it's worth getting it sorted early on - not necessarily for sleep, but for general soothing when they cry. I think it becomes less effective as the baby gets older because the way it works is by essentially mimicking the conditions they experienced in the womb. I came to it a little late, which means sometimes it works like a dream with my LO and sometimes it doesn't. I wish I'd known how to do it earlier!! Don't worry, it's not a way of shoe-horning the baby into doing things "your way", just a way to calm them down if they get overwrought...

Oh I see, Inmaculada (hablas Espanyol?). In that case I will take a look at it this week.

Cheers one and all!

Definitely agree with InmaculadaConcepcion on the 5 S thing - it's great. I never got the perfect combination to calm DS within seconds, but at 20 weeks I still use the techniques, which seem to work a lot of the time.

Especially good for if you miss the 'tired window' and you are trying to calm an overtired baby.