How "bad" is bed-sharing?

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

Met my HV for the first time today. Seems like a really nice person. However she asked me a pile of questions which indirectly pertained to sleeping arrangements (e.g. does baby settle ok in crib) to which I gave slightly evasive half-answers.

She also gave me the cot death talk which included not bed sharing.

I am naturally a very honest person and being evasive just does not come naturally to me. What would happen if I just said to her that I was bed sharing, and that this was a well thought through decision and that I was entirely aware of the risks and benefits?

My concern is that we would end up on some sort of at risk list or worse still be reported to SS. Please reassure me that this is not the case, and that however much she may disapprove it's not some sort of marker for abuse.

I coslept (and still do a lot of the time) with my DC. I think if you can reassure her that you are doing it safely (ie no pillows, you are not co-sleeping after drinking/smoking/taking drugs, the baby is sleeping on her back etc) then she won't report you to ss unless she's a nut. There is a lot of research around the benefits of co-sleeping and it is not a marker for abuse, I promise!

You can read Three in a Bed (or have a copy lying around) if you're really worried

She really, really won't report you to ss for bed-sharing! It's a perfectly reasonable parenting choice.

There's no word for cot-death in most communities where co-sleeping is the norm. Think about it.

As long as you aren't pissed or a smackhead (or your partner is either) then co-sleeping is as safe, if not more so than having your baby in a cot.

The Three in a Bed book is lovely and reassuring.

To be fair to HVs I think they err on the side of caution because they just can't be sure what kind of family situation/level of responsibility some families are going to be part of. (it's kind of like the warning on a bottle of paracetomol, 99.9% of us are going to use them sensibly etc)

Some studies claim that co-sleeping prevents SIDS based on the assumption that SIDS seems to be caused by the baby's brain not yet being hardwired enough to keep its heart beating. The pro-co-sleepers claim that by sleeping next to the mother, a baby in this situation will have its wee brain kick in and keep its heart beating.

Good luck with whatever you decide, and as the others have said, don't worry about your HV.

She shouldn't report you. My HV came and gave me advice on feeding lying down while co-sleeping (which I was doing due to a wrist injury). She told me I had the ideal set up in our bedroom (we are on mattresses on the floor) - she certainly didn't seem worried about it.

I don't think my original HV even talked to me about sleeping issues, though. I tend not to see them that often as I find MN advice more useful!