Can sleep deprivation kill you? Help!

[FionaSH]

I'm at the end of my tether - please can someone tell me what I should do??
My son is 23 weeks, weighing 24lb. From 8-16 weeks he would sleep 7pm-6am - we were totally spoiled, I know!! He's way off the growth charts, so even at that point it was feasible that he didn't actually need the night feeds.
Then at 17 weeks we had injections, teething and cold, oh and weaning, and it's sent him totally off course.
We have no problem getting him to bed at 7pm, but from 11pm he will wake every hour, until about 3am when he just won't settle at all until I feed him.
We've tried my husband being the one to settle him so that he can't smell the milk, but to no avail.
Yesterday the HV told me we just had to do controlled crying. Easier said than done! After an hour and a half and at the point where he was almost hoarse and making himself sick, I gave in. Then he goes back to sleep again until morning.
Everyone is telling me he isn't hungry and that I musn't feed him....but what if he is thirsty? The fact he tucks in and then goes back to sleep support this surely?? but then the fact that its the same routine every night suggests its just a habit.

With controlled crying, are you supposed to let them get to the point where they make themselves ill?? It seems barbaric to me. How can it work??

Please help - I've already been put on antidepressants and they don't seem to be doing much yet. If I could just get some more sleep I know everything would be so much better! How do people get through this???

Thanks, and sorry for the long rant!

F

I stopped going to see my HV after while as I decided she wasn't really giving me good advice when she told me to put my 2 week old baby down and let him cry himself to sleep!

Follow your instincts. Here is a good website with good sleep advice which I found very supportive - www.sleepytot.com.

Re the HVs, I do think that most of them in most situations aim to tell parents what they want to hear. That's actually fine IMO a lot of the time. The trouble is that many of us are dealing with a lot of conflicting feelings, advice and pulls in many directions, and what our instincts are/what we really want, don't get across to the HV. When we try and put this mix in words to the HV, especially if upset and sleep-deprived, they think they are hearing that we want to make some huge change, and tell us about a change to make. You don't have to get in touch with them at all, but if you want to, just saying that things are much better and you're happy with how things are going is likely to get them to say 'Great, carry on how you are'.

Well last night he stirred at 1 and 3 apparently but settled with his rabbit. At 5:30 (!!! woohoo!!!) he cried properly so I got up and fed him, and he went back down for another 2 hours! Amazing. And I felt better for just not beating myself up about feeding him in the night.

Today I've cluster fed him this afternoon as I am convinced this helps - even though the HV said I should be cutting the number of daytime feeds. Which makes me ask, when exactly is he meant to feed according to the HV?! Not at night, and less during the day!!! Fair enough if he was 12 months, but he's only 5 months... but maybe I have a totally unrealistic idea of how much they should be drinking at this age...

Fantastic Fiona! Hope you feel better after a reasonable night's sleep

I used to cluster feed my DS (especially when he was having a growth spurt) in the evenings - definitely seemed to help him go a bit longer at night.

Just don't tell the HVs everything you're doing. They are not there to tell you how to bring up your child, they are supposed to be a source of information should you choose to tap into it. He is your child and you know best what he needs. Trust your instincts. It took me a good few months to realise this with DS and I wish I'd done it from the start.

Are you completely against bottles?

I used to feed DS during the day, but always express last thing before I went to bed, then DH and I could take turns to do the night feed with him. Might help you to get a little respite?

Also, DS could drink 12oz bottle in a matter of minutes, but to express/get a full BF feed was taking more like 40 minutes, so it sped up the amount of time he was eating and therefore awake, allowing him (and us) to go back to sleep quickly.

We only used the bottle at night, and he still BF/d fine during the day.

Hi Gracie - no not against them, but DS has a cleft so they're a struggle, much more than bf :-(

Sorry, can't help you much then.

Have a big virtual hug [hug]

I sympathise - I'm 2 years in and have had v little sleep - I have not had more than 10 nights in my own bed for 2 years! In my experience, at this age you need to feed, feed and more feed.

I found that I could feed at bedtime (6.30-7pm) and my baby would not sleep on a whole bottle (expressed) - would demand another 1.2 bottle. Then would not drink full dream feed at 10. So I did a whole bottle, then 1.2 bottle water - she went to sleep then i dream fed at 10 pm and she would drink the lot. This took her through til about 5am most nights.

Not brilliant but it took me ages to work it out - maybe it'll help? Th other thing is v often teething - BEFORE you can see the new teeth they seem to hurt a lot. Ibuprofen and paracetamol are the only things in that case...

oh yeah - controlled crying is a load of old rubbish IMO - if you can lie there listening too it, swaeting and leaking everywhere, you're a stronger woman than I !!
HV's often can't help really, every child is different. Keep on with bottles of milk!

Last night was the worst ever, three nightfeeds(now that is taking the mickey!!) and innumberable wakings and difficulty settling. I feel like a zombie today. I had a long awaited appt at the hospital for my unresolved nether region issues and it was just a waste because I could barely string a sentence together to answer the physio's questions.

I walked into town this afternoon, rather than just sit at home and cry, and I just look at all the other mums who seem fine. How does everyone do it?!

I've booked in with the GP because I didn't feel depressed before going on the low dose antidepressants, but three weeks on them and I really do feel depressed now!

Praying for more sleep tonight, but not holding out much hope. Sniff.

Fiona I'm sorry you had such a rubbish night. Sleep deprivation really does feel like torture but I promise it will get better.

Are you able to nap when your LO naps during the day? And are you able to go to bed really really early? When DS was waking up 5, 6 or even 7 times a night I would take myself to bed at about 8pm so even though it was broken sleep at least it added up to 5 or 6 hours which I could live with. And in the short term until things improve I really would recommend trying to get a nap in during the day. Even if you can't do it every day, every other day would help.

I would also really recommend getting hold of a copy of the No Cry Sleep Solution. It will help you form a plan of how to help your LO sleep longer/settle quicker. Once I had a plan I felt so much better, even though I knew it would take time to see real results. NCSS is a softly softly catchy monkey approach but if you stick to it you will see improvements.

And don't believe for a second that all the other mums are coping better than you. They are probably looking at you thinking exactly the same thing.

Sending hugs and fingers crossed for a better night tonight. This too shall pass.