How to stop DS (2.5) getting in and out of bed all night? HELP

[RooTwo]

Apologies in advance for this long ramble ...

We've recently put our DS (2.5) in a bed as he was climbing out of his cot (and coming into our room). Having been an angel sleeper for the last year or so, over the last 3 weeks he has turned into an absolute nightmare.

He won't go to sleep at night, gets in and out of bed for up to 2 hours (he's finally just fallen asleep now, 9.15 pm), and then does the same usually around 3am. At that point I usually get worn out after several times putting him back to bed and end up sleeping on the floor by his bed. I know this is terrible as he is very aware that I am there and last night started saying that he wanted to get in with me (into my meagre crappy duvet make-shift bed ...) but it seems preferable to bringing him into bed with us and I can't face being up for 2 hours in the night putting him back in his bed constantly.

Tonight we have put a gate at his door but I'm not convinced this is going to help in any way, as instead of being able to leave the room and roam around he now just screams at the gate. Should I leave him to cry - do a sort of controlled crying thing - can I do this at his kind of age?? That is sort of what we did this evening, going back every few mins to open the gate and put him back in bed, but he only really went to sleep once I was sitting with him for a couple of mins.

It's baffling to have had such a lovely sleeping boy turn into such a terror at night. There is nothing that has happened recently that I can think of to trigger all this - I think it must just be a developmental stage (he is more clingy to me than usual - really beginning to talk a lot as well) but I would hugely appreciate any help to get through this ...

We put DD in a bed at almost 2 as she was starting to try and climb out of the cot. She slept fine for about 6 weeks then we had exactly the same trouble. It was like she hated her room and her bed, it was very strange. I managed about 4 weeks of it taking upto 2.5 hours to get her to sleep in the first place then getting up around 5 times each night and being awake for upto 2 hours at a time.

Eventually I cracked and put her back in the cot, a backwards step I know but I was almost insane with sleep deprivation by then!

Next time I put her in a bed it will be for good no matter what (not looking forward to it but I will win ) I'm going to try stories in bed, put a safety gate on her door and maybe buy her a new quilt cover with Dora or Fifi on or something so that she might be a bit more keen on sleeping in her bed.

Good luck, maybe the gate will work ok, sounds like youve done well to perseve so far, IMO the kinda controlled crying you have done is the only way to go. If I stayed with my DD she would just cry harder.

Hope you manage to get it sorted soon

Snap!! - Our DS was climbing out of cot (she is 2.6) so we put her in a bed and started a reward chart. She got out at bedtime about 50 times and then was waking up in the middle of the night for a period of 3 hours. I kept putting her back in bed but she would get straight out again! I put her back in a cot (hoping she had forgotten how to get out?!) but she just kept climbing out. Having posted on here I got the advice of putting a gate up. So put her back in a bed, so that she can get back in by herself, put up the gate and it's been fine since, She has a little cry at bedtime, just for a min and usually gets out of bed, stands at the gate (shouting to her older brother) or plays with something in her room. But always gets back into bed after a while. The middle of the night activities have ceased. Maybe go up to your DS but less frequently than you would have done prior to the gate...he is just getting used to it tonight and is probably cross with mum for spoiling his fun! as my DD thought it was all hilarious even at 2.30am!

Thanks squarehat - interesting to hear what you did. I don't think I can put him back in his cot though as that was where the prob began - he was climbing out of it at bedtime and all night too ... I need to deal with the bed issue now, unfortunately! The gate seems to have backfired as it just makes him really upset (perhaps understandably, as he feels trapped) whereas before he just thought it was a bit of a game getting in and out of bed. boythengirl - sounds like the gate really works for you, but my DS just stands at it getting absolutely hysterical screaming blue murder, and does not get back into bed on his own at all. Last night I left him to cry for up to 5 mins at the gate before going in to put him back to bed, but then he'd just get up and do the same again. Also I can't rely on him to get himself back into bed on his own - he needs me to tuck him in - what does your DD do, boythengirl - does she manage to get the duvet back over herself again? Maybe I should put DS back in his grobag (not that that stopped him getting out of his cot/bed and walking around ...)

I am actually wondering if a gradual retreat type thing might be better - I wonder if all this crying will just make him absolutely hate his bed and whether he just needs me to sit by him for a bit until he gets used to it all, gradually withdrawing night after night. Anyone done anything like this??

Hi just wanted to let u know there is light at the end of the tunnel re nightmare toddler bedtimes. My little boy is 2 years 4 months and we have just had around three weeks of not wanting to go to bed, screaming crying and waking up in the night. I am pregnant , my husband works away so its been down to me to sort out. Intially I have had him in bed with me, next to me on the floor, wandering around the house at night etc etc. Anyway what i did was the following: after being totally knackered thought rather than yelling i needed a more constructive approach. 1. I started by getting him some new bedding for his new big boy bed (he climbed out of his cot-hence the move)2. Used a teddy that he likes and told him to tell me if teddy was being good or naughty at night. 3. Bought a gate for his room so he didnt wander at night and made me more relaxed thinking he couldnt escape. Dont get me wrong he stood at it and cried-i have been firm and repetative and said every time -lie down and good night (nothing else-drives u insane as u want to yell but seems to work now-he's got the message)4. I got him a little postman pat bag-put it at the end of the bed and if he was good-ie didnt disturb me too much he would find a gift in it (i had a train set from Christmas that was just sitting in a cupboard -so over the next 7-10 days he has found a bit of it in his bag every morning) He likes this as realises that he needs more than 3 pieces if track to be fun so seems to behave for more! The other thing i did was sit with him in his room at first till he slept then gradually retreated out of the room and sat outside the gate, when he was still awake went downstairs and now sit downstairs straight away (jumping over a closed gate pregnant and trying to be quiet was not fun!_ I reassure him that i am downstairs and like i said after 3 weeks of all this i now have my evenings back and a lot more sleep at night. So it worked -thank the lord!! Hope this helps!!

how has tonight gone - has the amount of crying decreased? My DS is still in her grobag (as have not sorted out duvet etc. yet given I had not planned to put her in a bed). A lot of the time she takes it off anyway so when I go to bed I put some blankets over her. Perhaps you should try the gradual retreat....it's worth trying all the options!!sorry I cannot think of anything else?

Thanks a lot caroline345 - that is really reassuring to hear as I am kind of doing what you did - just been very firm and put him back in bed each time he comes to the gate, and so I think now the gate is helping, as he is realising (I hope) that it is futile to get up as he can't go anywhere ... have been sitting outside his room till he goes to sleep, reassuring him that I am there, and doing the same when he wakes up in the night. So hopefully we are getting there. We will see ... I can't bear the crying, so hopefully the gradual retreat will work! Last night was definitely better boythengirl - he went back to sleep after only a few times of me putting him back to bed. Though I am not holding my breath for tonight as he seems to like doing one good night/one bad ...