Clingy boy who wont sleep alone

[rattling]

I have twin boys who will turn 1 this week. M. is a bit clingy during the day, but not as bad as he has been - he now lets me leave the room at home, we just have some issues if we are out. But he now seems to be clingy overnight! Both boys go to sleep brilliantly, but the last few nights M. has started waking up screaming at about 9pm. It takes nothing to settle him again - the weight of my hand on his back and he is happy snoring, but I can't leave or he wakes up again. I spent one insane night sleeping on the floor by his cot with my hand stuck through the bars. Bringing him into bed with us is difficult too as he wakes up at 5am and starts crawling off. At that time DH and I don't feel entirely confident that we'll be aware of him heading for the edge of the bed. (He sleeps between us, but crawls over us very quickly once he gets going).

So how to get my sleepy boy to cope without company (he is clingiest with me, but DH will also settle him)? It takes quite a bit to wake his brother so we've tried leaving him to cry a bit which has worked in the past, but this time the screaming just escalates towards hysteria and I can't leave him like that.

I would guess it's teething pain. Molars start moving through the jaw at this time and it hurts way worse than previous teething experiences.

Firstly if snoring is waking him then you might need to check this out. If snoring, teething etc is not the problem then you need to build a secure "sleep association" with his cot. Starting with bedtime when he should be settling without habit forming interventions such as lots of attention from you. Learning to fall asleep on his own is important. Imagine you are on elastic. Once he is in the cot move around in and out of his room until he drops off to sleep. When he wakes in the night do the same starting with sitting on a chair near to him for a few nights grade out your touching then after a week or so gradually retreat and again return to reassure at intervals but grade out your interventions. He needs to learn to "nest" but if he gets the reward of eventually coming into your bed then he will persist until he gets to that moment of success when you cave in! This is a very kind and secure method of managing this problem which I use in my professional sleep practice in Leeds. Good luck, you can do this.

not what u were after but u could try your mattress on the floor and sleeping bag at sides so he cant fall out your bed and hurt himself

unless your bed is very high then falling off won;t hurt him (if it is high then put some duvert/cushion along the edge on thefloor).

Personally I don;t have a problme with co-sleeping with an insecure child it worked for us. But if its not a solution for you - try reading the No Cry Sleep Solutions book (Elisabeth Pantley?)

Our bedroom is tiny, so anything on the floor would stop the door opening. On the other side there is a window seat which they seem desperate to wriggle under and onto the floor - if that happened it would be difficult to get them back up. If we put the mattress on the floor we'd have to find somewhere for the rest of the bed (and all the storage boxes under it) - we're spilling out of the space we have as it is. I'd also feel weird about co-sleeping with one boy and not the other (both of them in bed with us is a recipe for someone losing an eye).

Naturallaw - your plan sounds lovely, but he tends to be screaming or asleep. There isn't much in between where I can come and go offering reassurance.

I hear a lot about putting babies to bed awake so they know how to put themselves back to sleep when they wake, but at 7pm I have a baby under each arm drifting off to sleep with their bottle. I could put one to bed in this state, leaving the other on the livingroom floor to scream 'cos he has been deserted. Or I can cuddle them both to sleep, leave one asleep in the livingroom while I put his brother to bed then quickly come back for him. I get the impression other twin mums do this better, but I'm not sure how.

Sorry, I'm being horribly negative - I really appreciate your suggestions. I'll try some gradual retreating. And get a copy of NCSS.