6 week old - terrible sleeper - link to feeding??

[Suchanamateur]

My ds is a terrible sleeper. Incredibly difficult to get him to nap in the day - maybe the odd 30 mins with lots of patting from me in his cot, or a bit longer in his buggy but he always wakes up if I stop. As a result by the end of the day he is totally overtired and fractious. Usually manage to get him down about 8,30pm (after an hour or so of trying) until maybe 11 if we're lucky, and then again for another 2 1/2 hours, if we're lucky. Then from around 2/3 he wakes every half hour/ 45 mins until the morning and cue napping problems again.

He has also always been a terrible feeder - I'm bfing (apart from his 10/11pm bottle which is either FF or EBM - makes no difference to the length of time he sleeps just a question of whether I had any time in the day when he didn't need me to express...)· Every feed is a fight as he pings on and off, shouts and me and then roots desperately. As a result, its very difficult to tell if he's had enough - our feeds go on for an hour at least because of all this shenanigans - and he's often doing his tongue sticking out thing at the end, even if I can't get him to feed any more. I've seen lactation consultants who have variously told me I have a too fast lset down, too slow or everything is fine. His weight gain is huge (up from 50% percentile at birth to 91% now) and he has plenty of wet and dirty nappies.

Needless to say the cycle of feeding/ fighting and then trying hard to get him to sleep is absolutely exhausting. I think I could cope with one or the other but both is SO hard.

What I'm not clear about is if the two are related? Hes more difficult to feed when hes overtired, but is the feeding linked to his sleep problems, or is he just a poor sleeper?

We gave him a bottle of EBM at the weekend after a bf, which he drank down hungrily (he doesn't always if you offer him a top up), and then slept through a whole two hours. Utterly unheard of.

If giving him a bottle will help him sleep (again regardless of the contents - rather the method of delivery) then I am seriously thinnking about switching from the bfing as I can't stand the fights for much longer. But I don't wnat to give up if the two are unrelated and I end up not bfing, and still with a non sleeping baby on my hands.

Any advice? Is he still too young to expect any sort of routine (apart from a bad one..?). Sorry about the length of this post - just realised how much I need to get it out in the open and vent. People just keep on saying that since he's gaining weight, he's fine and he's just an 'alert' baby that doens't need to sleep much (especially my MIL). I KNOW thats rubbish..!

Sunshiney- is there light at the end of the tunnel before he is a toddler? I don't feel I can cope much longer. As of today, even the buggy walk isn't working... I'll have a look at the book you recommend

hi

oh yes, it definitely gets better by around 12 weeks or so. there are things you can do to give him a structured routine around this time that will help.

top tip is not to rock/feed/cuddle him to sleep once he is old enough to begin to self-settle (about 12 wks). Stay beside him if need be, pick up/put down etc but you must let him develop his settling skills.

but he probably will stay one of the more wakeful babies. he may always require less sleep than other children of the same age.

for eg, my dd has not had daytime naps since she was 2 (she's now coming up to 3 in Aug). she sleeps 11 hours at night.....read on here about someone else's child of very similar age, still sleeping 2 hours in the day and 13 hours at night. they are all different.

ps) have you considered getting a wrap sling for day time?

Thanks sunshiney for the reassurance. I do have a wrap sling but tend to use only whrn out. Would wearing him in it all day help? Would murder my back as he's a big boy. Slightly anxious now that my MIL has now been out for a walk with him for 3 hours... Clearly don't know a good thing when I have one. I get a little break and spend it worrying... I wish I could blame the sleep deprivation but tWas ever thus.

hi

i'd say the sling is worth a try for daytime if possible.

the first weeks are so hard, the sleep deprivation and anxiety are just awful.

it does get better though!

Hi there, how's it going. You have my total sympathy my DD was just the same at that age. I found it really unhelpfull lisiting to my NCT group who hall had what seemed like normal babies. It wasn't untill I met some mum's who had also had babies who didn't sleep that I start to realise that is wasn't anything that I wasn't doing right it was just her personality.

Like other's have said DD was a very awake baby and is now a lovely birght toddler who I can't stop talking.

I will recomend a good web sit www.askdrsears.com and they have a number of book's which I borrowed from my libabry. They discribe babies like ours as high needs babies, and I felt they where they only experts that seemed to understand that all babies are different and that no one solution will fit all.

Good Luke
It really does get better.

ohhhhm, suchanamateur your post transported me back 2 years to when my DD was born. Your DS sounds just like her. Especially the waking after an hour at night. It is a total nightmare and people with average sleepers cannot possibly understand how you feel. He might be little but I bet his few weeks of life feel like an eternity to you! That sounds cruel and awful, but I'm not meaning it to be...

I think the reflux could maybe be playing a large part here. You mentinoned it in one of your posts.With the gaviscon, have you tried mixing it to a very thin paste and giving it by spoon into your DS's cheek after a afeed? Obviously not too much at once as he is liable to gag. Or syringe into cheek? Little babies find it hard to spit things out when placed there. Mine would never take gaviscon from a bottle teat.

If you're anything like me you won't feel at all like sitting down to read a book but I recommend the excellent No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley in the long-run.

One last thought - Is your son a flailer by any chance? Eg, do his arms fly up to his head and wake him up? If so, a tight swaddle might be worth trying.
Like one other poster I am wary about saying 'it gets better after x weeks' as it was back and forth with my DD, improvements and regressions. But we definitely got enough respite by 12 weeks that we could consider booking (and going on) a holiday overseas. So there is hope.

I also found that my DP and me splitting the night into shifts (e.g., 8 till 3, 3-8 am) meant we all got a bit more sleep overall. But I do remember lying in bed when DP (completely competent, reliable and sane) had sole charge still.... the worrying can be very normal but don't be afraid to seek help if it gets worse.

Is there anyone else you would trust to do an overnight for you, just to let you get a full nights' sleep?

I hope things pick up for you soon and I feel for you very much.

suchanamateur, really sorry, you said you already swaddle so that wasn't a helpful suggestion! Make sure those arms are in nice and tightly, though...

Narmada, MigGill - thank you both. Trying to trust in time, but you're right Narmada - 8 weeks has felt like an eternity. Will try the gaviscon again - we did try with a syringe but maybe was too liquid.
Will look at Dr Sears and Elizabeth Pantley and in the meantime, hang in there with reassurance that others - like you guys - have coped and have lived to tell the tale! Thanks again.