Should I employ a night nanny?

[Gangle]

DS2 is 4.5 weeks and not a great sleeper which is probably to be expected at this stage. He tends not to sleep for more than an hour max during the night and is very difficult to settle. The result is that I'm exhausted and struggling to cope with a newborn and a 24 month old whilst recovering from a c-section. We've kept DS1 in his nanny share arrangement so I do have help during the day but DH works most evenings and weekends so I have zero help and literally no energy. I booked a night nurse for one night (this Saturday) thinking that if I just get one decent night's sleep then I will feel a lot better. However, I spoke to her earlier today about how it will work and it seems she will take the baby into a separate room for the entire night and just bring him in to be fed - she would actually prefer me to express so that she can feed him herself. Not sure how else I though it would work but I have my doubts about whether or not I can hand my little baby over to someone else, not matter how desperate and sleep deprived I am. I would feel funny about not having him next to me and being parted from him for such a long time. I'm also not keen to express just yet although I know I should as DS1 never took a bottle as we left it too late to get him used to one. Am I being ridiculous? Should i just employ her for the one night and hand the baby over so that I get some sleep and am then better able to look after the little ones or just muddle though and hope things get better quickly?

Why would there be any point having a nanny during the night if you're going to wake to feed the baby in any event? Surely the point is for you to get some sleep?

Of course you're not being ridiculous! He's your baby, and still so very young.

It is not up to the night nanny how your baby is fed. If you want her to bring him to you, then that is what she is being paid to do. She is hopefully suggesting this so that you get a better rest though.

We used a night nanny for one or two nights a week during a hellish period from 6-13 weeks old with DS. She was lovely. We found how through the London night nannies agency, which I would highly recommend. Just the initial fee is a bit steep, but they were great.

Try it. If it doesnt work then you can mark it down to experience, and not repeat. Your baby wont be scarred for life. I promise.

If it does work, then you will get a much better nights' sleep, and be able to give extra cuddles and such like the next day!

Expressing is a good idea, you can only try.

joni - our DS struggled with his digestion, so didn't sleep between feeds well. I was never bothered about the feeding, just the not sleeping in between.

thanks all. I will try to express so that at least I have the option but think I will ask her to bring him into me to feed. This nanny seems wonderful - was so helpful on the phone. Don't think it hurts to try it once although it's not cheap!

Its not the feeding that prevents sleep though is it? Its the nappy change, winding, settling etc that can take another hour on top of that, which can mean, that by the time you get off to sleep, its only another hour til feeding time again.

Approach it with an open mind. See what works for you. If you can/want to express, then great, extra sleep.If you dont want to, or cant then NN brings baby for feed, then takes away to settle.

A bit extra sleep for you will make the world of difference to the whole family.

Same here IsItMe - if it was just waking for feeds then no problem. I'd be laughing in fact! Trouble is is that he is literally awake ALL night, bar an hour of light sleep and on off dozing, and needs someone to hold/rock/comfort etc.

I do think it would be a leetle bit pointless to pay all that money and not have your baby out of earshot for the night! I do Mat nursing and sleep training and work it however the parents choose (would never ask the mother to express milk!) and it can help the parents to recover a bit if I just bring baby in for feeds. However, on a personal level I think it only has limited benefit at this stage because you are very tuned in to a newborn and feeding plus instinctive waking may prevent ypou from sleeping anyhow.

OK, I understand. It sounds as if you are really tired and one night of interrupted sleep would do you the power of good.

I had sections with my two and breastfed. DS2 still isn't wasn't a great sleeper and if I had the opportunity you have to have a decent night's sleep I'd have grabbed it with both hands. Good luck.

Gangle - you have my sincerest sympathies. FWIW, the night nanny we had helped us spot when DS's digestion settled and got us back into a semblance of normality at night. From 13 weeks he just woke for two feeds in the night and then went straight back to sleep and it was blissful. Sadly for us, it was disrupted by teething about 6 weeks later, but hey ho.

The night nanny was an absolute lifesaver for us in those early weeks. I tried expressing, but didn't have much luck, so I agreed with the nanny that she would usually do one feed (topping up what I had expressed with formula as needed), and bring DS to me for the other feed.

I really hope you have as positive an experience as we did.

With each of my 3 I had a night nanny come 6 times - once a week from about 2 weeks old until 8 weeks old. I always had them over first to meet them in advance - although I see she is booked for tomorrow night so probably too late now.

I would highly highly recommend that you try and express and let her feed so that you get a full nights' sleep - it really is worth it. Give it a go at least and see what happens. Make it very plain to her that if she is the slightest bit concerned then she should come and get you. With DD1 I was adamant that I wanted the NN to bring her in to me to feed, but a friend talked me into letting the NN at least try and feed expressed milk and it worked brilliantly.

This is what I did.... Express and freeze during the week so I had a good supply ready. Night nanny arrived at 9pm and the baby might be awake or asleep - if awake I handed the baby straight over and had a bit of quiet time with my husband. At 10pm I would express like mad then go to bed (with ear plugs in). Alarm set for 6.45 (as she left at 7am), when we would have a quick chat and a handover. I always asked my NN to make brief notes as to how the night went (when fed, how much taken and how long to settle etc). I also asked her to try and hold off feeding after about 5.30am or only give a small bottle after that time (if possible - I mean not if the baby was clearly desperately in need of a feed, but sometimes rocking and cuddling was enough to keep them calm) as my boobs would be exploding when I got up in the morning and I'd want to give a really good feed immediately. Having not fed in the night I'd have loads of milk (way more than the baby could drink) so after I'd fed I would immediately express off the rest which would give me a decent amount of milk to freeze in preparation for the night nanny coming the following week.

Good luck I hope you get some sleep.

My mum did this for me one week in the early days. She brought ds to me to feed, but then she did everything else. I had earplugs. It was amazing and literally saved me walking off a cliff or something.