What's wrong with this bedtime routine?

[BettyButterknife]

DS is 2.9yo and has generally been an ok-ish sleeper, if a bit of a lark (goes through phases of 5-5.30am waking). But we've never had any problems with him going to sleep, until recently.

We put him in a bed in January, and he was doing his early waking for a month or so after that. Since then we've had a good run of going to bed ok and 6-6.30ish wakings, until the clocks changed. I made the mistake of thinking I could mess with his routine to allow us a bit of a lie-in in the mornings. Oh, what a fool I was. Basically I left it so that regardless of the clocks changing he stayed on the same time. So bedtime was 7pm, now it was technically 8pm.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, this didn't work and he ended up over-tired, up too late, and started to really mess around at bedtime. One night he was up about 60 times out of bed, and some nights he wasn't going off until nearly 9pm.

I think we've managed to improve things slightly, but he's now getting up early - 5.30am - as well as pratting about at bedtime. I'm 6 months pregnant and just don't have the energy to have to deal with his nonsense at BOTH ends of the day.

So, although I think he's overtired, there's also a weird thing where he's in bed, yawning, we read to him, he seems tired like he'll nod off, we leave him and all hell breaks loose - it's like he suddenly gets a huge wave of adrenaline and can't stay still.

Can you pinpoint what we're doing wrong with the bedtime routine?
6pm - up to the bathroom, fill the bath, undress, into the bath where he'll play for anything up to about 15 minutes, has stick-on letters which he likes us to spell words with. Then tooth-brushing, which he doesn't like much, resulting in us having to do the back ones and him protesting.
6.30ish - into his room which is already ready for bed (curtains drawn, pyjamas laid out on bed) where we put cream on for his eczema, plus a lavender 'sleep' cream , nappy, pyjamas.
He chooses 2 or 3 books to read, which we read lying in bed, him tucked in and me or DH on the bed with him.
Then a cuddle, lights out, we've got one of those Gro-clocks so we turn that on and say 'goodnight sun, hello moon', and leave the room. Normally out by 7pm.

Anything glaring that could be giving him a sign that it's time to play and not sleep? My nerves can't take this much longer

I'm willing to put good money on the fact that they have tried the cuddling to sleep option and it only works occasionally.
They need to sleep alone to develop their independence. Babies are not animals.

"They need to sleep alone to develop their independence." So in all the many cultures where children never sleep alone they don't develop their independence?

"Babies are not animals." Yes they are!

We are indeed all animals but a 2.9 year old is a particular type of animal, namely a rather bright human being, who is as capable of getting up to mischief or trying to manipulate parents as he is of being upset and fearful and not wanting to be left alone.

Hence my comment between recognising the difference between distress and manipulation. I wouldn't leave my child in distress, but I won't let him manipulate me into protracted bedtime shenanigans because he thinks it's fun when he will only be left exhausted next day (which I can recognise as an adult with more developed brain, but he can't as he isn't capable of living in anything other than the moment). Pandering to that doesn't help him just as much as it doesn't help me in my exhausted pregnant state. There is nothing wrong with cuddling a child to sleep, but there is equally nothing wrong with teaching a child to get to sleep without cuddles if that is what you think works better and they aren't unduly distressed because of it.

So I think I sit somewhere on the fence in the middle of you, Gay40 and seeker

Back again, intrigued to read all your comments. If DS would be settled by cuddling we would do it more often, but he generally isn't. If we try, he ends up singing or shouting or just chatting to us and more times than not he's better left alone.

Interested to read that bath is not part of some routines - I have wondered whether it might be more stimulating than relaxing. Might be worth a bit of trial and error to see whether eliminating it alters anything.

Also, DH and I take it in turns to put DS to bed and I did think that it might be a little disruptive to do it this way... perhaps one bathing and one doing stories consistently would be less disruptive. What do you think?

I think it takes a lot of trial and error to see what works. We ended up trying a thing, see if it works, if it doesn't OK move onto the next idea, etc
We took it in turns because it minimised the I WANT MY TO PUT ME TO BED

Hmm, well I put him to bed tonight, he got out twice and the second time I put him back he asked me to pat him (which is how they get the babies to sleep at his nursery).

I did so for probably about 10 minutes, he was so restless to begin with and couldn't keep still so I really didn't think it was going to work. I stopped when it started to wind me up, but he said 'keep on patting!' in a vaguely Bruce/Tess Strictly fashion so I did and his breathing slowed and he went off. Amazing.

Not sure I'd normally be this compliant, but we spent most of today on a day ward at the hospital as he was doing an egg allergy challenge. Which might explain him needing a bit of extra reassurance.

Betty, I am a mixture of Victorian Scary Nanny and a marshmallow, but what I would do is pat him to sleep - but make sure I had some
thing good to listen to on my Ipod while I was doing it.

If it works, it's fine.

They don't need to learn to sleep alone at thia age - they do need to go to sleep so that their parents don't strangle them and have energy for the next day. it sounds as if your ds hs had a tough time lately - so pat him to sleep while listening to the Archers - or whatever. In the blink of an eye he will have left home, and you'll be thinking "Why on earth did I worry about that"