Can you 'sleep train' when you're already very stressed or depressed?

[Grievingneedshelp]

I think I ought to start some sort of very gentle gradual withdrawal with my 23 mo BF to sleep, BF through the night, cosleeping DD.

DP has been ending up on the sofa most nights when he gets pushed to the edge of the mattress and he wants his bed back. And it would be nice if someone else could put her down so we could have a dinner out together.

That is all true and she is quite old now.

But... I am very very stressed and very down at the moment due to coping with my brother's illness and then death six months ago. It has been awful and bitter and complicated with his ex and his children and his widow and my parents. All sorts of horrible things have been said. I was very close to him (as adults anyway, we had our children at the same time) and I miss him. I feel like I'm in the middle of everyone else trying to make the peace all the time, it's been very hard work.

I am really nervous to start changing things with bedtimes as I know there is going to be (possibly lots of) crying, and I honestly don't think I can bear to listen to DD cry for hours on end. I'm just not up to it.

On the other hand, all these problems aren't going to go away soon and DD will have to be moved out of our bed sometime.

I don't know what to do! Every time DP mentions getting DD to sleep without me I feel like having a panic attack to be quite honest. Help!

Should I just bite the bullet and do it or will it give me a nervous breakdown if I am already on the edge?

What do you think?

TBH i'd wait.

we tried sleep training ds a while back when he was being a nightmare and it was hard. there were lots of tired arguments at home, crying on my part and generally not fun.

i think you need to be feeling strong enough to cope with anything dd may struggle with. there's not point starting sleep training and then crumbling under the pressure as that'll give her mixed messages.

get yourself in a happier/ stronger frame of mind then try it.

OR

leave it to dp and get some ear plugs!

do you think you may need someone professional to talk through your loss with? it might help talking to a non-judgmental professional.

why don't you try the baby whisperer method? i'm doing it with DD at the moment (9mo/EBF/V clingy etc etc). it's hard work, but at least you don't feel like you're abandoning them or giving them separation anxiety and i've seen results really quickly (in the first few days). i've set aside 2 weeks for it to properly settle in, and i'm sure it will be harder in the coming days, but it's much kinder for co-sleepers and BF babies than any kind of crying it out method.

i do feel for you though - it's really hard to stay positive for little ones when you're feeling down in an ordinary way, without any of the extra s**t you are having to deal with.

good luck [hugs]

The no cry sleep solution has a good section on moving from co-sleeping to separate beds - lots of ideas on how to do it gradually. And it doesn't make you feel guilty about not following the 'programme' every night if it gets too much.

maybe you dont need to change a thing? being devils advocate here. can you have a double mattress on floor for you and DD and a single for DH? i suspect families the world over sleep like this and that its entirely natural and i constantly challenge myself on why i think i should get my daughter out my bed and hubs back in. she is likely to be my only child and cosleeping really can be special (not always i agree) and doesnt last long in the grand scheme of things
1 wouldnt be still keen on BF through the night at 23m but again i suspect its what happens across africa/asia ie i suspect (altho have no evidence for) it being lovely, natural but exhausting
it is so sad that death of your loved one has not had the opposite effect of bringing family together
maybe DD will move out bed in her own time?
maybe you dont have a massive problem with the sleeping and your DP has more?
i would try ncss, i have just started
good luck