A little help with sleep - DS 22 months

[lovelymama]

Having gone to bed willingly, happily and easily for 22 months, DS has suddenly started screaming as soon as we get him in his grobag ready to go in his cot. It wasn't a gradual thing - last week he just decided he wasn't going in there.

He used to go to bed at 7.30 but now it's getting to 9pm some nights, when he screams in his cot for 5 mins before passing out because it's so late for him. I don't mind 5 mins of crying, but then he's waking up in the night doing the same thing and won't stop until he comes in bed with me. He needs to be in bed before 9pm, as it's just not enough sleep for him. I could tell he was tired tonight so got him in bed for 8pm, but he screamed so loudly and desperately, I couldn't leave him so DH has gone up and taken him in bed with him to get him to sleep - he has settled easily.

Now I know this is just a phase but I need to deal with it properly. I think it's some sort of separation anxiety as he's really desperately crying so I don't want to do any sleep training. At the same time, I don't want him in my bed in the night because he throws himself around for an hour or so trying to settle once he's woken up.

So basically I want my cake and I want to eat it! Anyone been through a similar phase and what did you do?

Any ideas/advice welcome

I am quite a softy and couldn't just leave them to cry, so used the 'rubber band' method. You settle them as best you can, say good night and leave. You keep going back, to stroke and reassure and to show he is not abandoned (but not pick them up or take them out of the cot) for as long as it takes, leaving a bit more of an interval each time (if you can). You can end up going back and forth a lot at the start, but very quickly I found it worked, both kids.

I'm the same hudgebar - i'll leave him for 5 mins or so, but if he hasn't stopped crying I go back in and settle him in our bed. A very confusing message to send him I know. When he cried for more than 5 mins tonight, I went up to rub his back but he jumped up and clung on to me. He had such desperation in his voice and actions, there's no way I could have left him.

I'm not even sure if there's a solution so wonder what I'm trying to gain from my post. I have to offer him comfort in the way that calms him because how can he have gone from being happy going to bed for 22 months and then not happy all of a sudden? I know he can self settle so is there any point in trying to resist his needs?

Does he still nap? If he is, you might need to stop the nap altogether or cut it down... 25-month-old DS1 went through a phase of looking like he was cutting out his nap (mucking about at bedtime and not actually sleeping till gone 8/9 when he's always been a 7-7 boy with a 2-3 hour nap. We tried to stop the nap altogether but he was too tired by late afternoon so now he has a shorter nap 1-1.5 hours but he can also go some days without a nap.