How do you get your babies to self sooth?!

[pinkdaisies]

Hi!

Just wondered if anyone has any tips on getting their babies to go to sleep by themselves once put down in their cot, for night time, naps or after feeds? My nearly 5 month old DS rarely does and even when I think he's asleep after 45 mins of soothing at bedtime, as soon as I put him in his cot he starts crying!

I knowI have got into bad habits with him e.g feeding till nearly asleep (though I take him off before he falls asleep) but can I rectify this at 5 months? Any thoughts?! I know there are no quick fix solutions and it'll probably take some working at...

'Self sooth' is a euphemism for 'cry themselves to sleep'.The way you do it is to leave them to cry until they are exhausted and fall asleep.

Why are yuo talking about 'bad habits'? There are no such things.He is a tiny baby who quite cleverly has worked out that being with his mother is the cosiest place to be.

Self soothe doesn't necessarily mean cry themselves to sleep. My ds is 6mo, cries when he's first put down (for about a minute) then starts sucking his fingers and goes to sleep- thats the self settling part. Not quite sure how it happened though so guess I'm not much help.

Not at all, moondog!

Feeding until nearly asleep is fine. Next step is to teach him to accept the transfer into his cot.

I found that stroking the baby - in the cot - was a good way to help them learn. Just quiet, rhythmic stroking, in the dark room. No talking or singing. No body contact other than your hand.

The baby may cry, but it won't be from fear or distress. It will simply be because they're not getting what they wnat or are used to.

Don't try to sneak out on them. You can either stroke untilt hey fall asleep, and then leave, or until they are quiet and placid, and then leave. If the dc is distressed, return, resume and stroking. No need yto leave them crying alone.

It takes about as long as CC, often less. So you may find it works immediately, or you may find yourself going in and out for quite a long time - possibly hours - several times a night. But every night will need less. Eventually you will be able to stroke for a minute or less, then leave the room while the baby is awake.

BTW, listen to any crying before returning to the room: is the baby crying 'down' and accepting the situation and settling down by themselves? In which case, don't go back in. Or are they crying 'up' and getting more upset, in which case do go back to them.

Self-soothing in my DD's case (she's 10 weeks/6 weeks corrected) means a little fussing and fidgeting until she gets herself in a comfortable, relaxed position and can go off to sleep. If it sounds like she's starting to get distressed, I PUPD, but mostly gently rhythmic patting (possibly with some ssh-ing) while she's in her nest is enough to get her into a soporific state - sometimes she needs the help of a dummy, sometimes not. I only give it to her if she's taking a little longer than usual to settle (and she invariably spits it out sooner or later).

She sleeps in our room in a nest beside our bed (at the same level as me, so basically side-car co-sleeping) and mostly I put her down after a feed - once her eyes go unfocused and her mouth goes "fluttery" instead of properly drinking, I know she's on her way, so down she goes.

It took a bit of patience and a fair amount of PUPD and ssh-patting, but she's mostly pretty good at getting settled overnight now.

Naps, however, are another matter!!

Take what you need from the above, hope it helps! Good luck.

they don't always cry until they exhaust themselves!

I think though, unless you start it really early on it isn;t going to be very easy. Mine were only a couple of weeks old when I started putting htem down awake. They'd be overtired, fussy, not wanted to feed, generally wanting to cry - so I stuck them in their cots and they would cry a bit (not full out screaming) for 5 mins then go sleep.

For that age, patting in the cot def works better. I'd carry on with the feeding, then put him down and not pick him up again. stay with him for a bit, patting and soothing, and gradually work towards leaving the room.

Moondog Do you cry yourself to sleep every night then? Because every adult self soothes and very many of them learned to do it without crying...

No tips from me I'm afraid, although DD seems to be talking to her mobile before nodding off now!!

MUSLINS! all of mine have used muslins as a soother, whether or not they have sucked thumbs. DS, aged 12 weelks, snuggles into it if i drape it over his shoulder. i started putting it byhis head about 5 weeks ago and it def helps. only downside is that DD2 aged 4 still takes her mussie out with her lots, but dd1 out grew hers about 4. using a mussie means you are not dependent on one thing like a taggie or toy and can wash them frequently.

[sorry, left hand typing while feeding]

My LO is 4 months and i have been lucky that he has always settled himself, i was puttng him down awake from day one which i think has helped, but until this week he has not always been able to settle himself when he came into his light sleep around 40 mins when napping during the day, since i have been giving him a muslin and his little blue bunny which he snuggles into both he now sleeps beautifully during the day and not waking up until 7.30 am in the morning, a comforter has 100% helped him.

Good luck

Forgot to say, that babies also self sooth by sucking their tongues (or something like that) - looks like they are sticking their tongue out a bit when doing it.

when is it safe to put/leave a muslin cloth in cot with dd? Dd is 20 weeks and i'd love to try but dh is paranoid...

I've been giving ds a muslin since about 8 or 9 weeks i guess.

Thanks so much, everyone. I tried a mussie last night (issysmilkbottle- my DS is 20 weeks and I wondered about safety too, but asked around and everyone said that age was fine) I also tried a soft night light on all night and he went 5 hours (quite good for him at the mo as normally he wakes fully after 2-3 and I have to soothe him).

I DID hear him stir a few times and cry out once, but he just drifted off again. Now, it could be coincidence, but I'm hoping not and will report back! He has liked holding a mussie in the day for a few weeks so I guess he found it comforting having it there, even though it was next to him when he finally woke but he wasn't actually holding it.

'Self sooth' is a euphemism for 'cry themselves to sleep'.

What an odd thing to say.

My DS has gone down awake, or nearly awake pretty much since birth and I've never left him to cry himself to sleep through exhaustion. Maybe I'm lucky in that he's just a baby who clearly needs to sleep a lot and most nights really doesn't need any help settling at all. On some occasions he does need some help and a hand on his tummy, a dummy, his mobile, a lullaby, some white noise or a combination of these, works for him. I've tried not to get into too much of a 'routine' (i.e. same thing every night) because I'm trying to avoid strong sleep associations that he can't do without. That might come back to bite me in the future of course!

Sometimes he wakes at the end of a sleep cycle and will whimper a bit, in which case I listen to whether it's just a 'whinge' (low-level crying, not getting any louder) and will leave him for a minute or two, by the end of which he's usually back asleep. If the crying is getting louder or sounds at all distressed, or goes on beyond a couple of minutes I go into him and use the same soothing techniques as above. If that doesn't work after 5 minutes or so I'll pick up to calm him down but that happens really rarely - although more for naps than at night time.

Did everyone else have a go at sucking their own tongue after DrDoobs post, or just me? DH asking why I am pulling strange faces.

BTW I have two that have mussies, and it works a treat. Start them off early having something that they associate with feeling comfortable and with sleep, i.e. a mussie, but whilst you are still soothing them with feeding etc. Then, after a while, you'll find it still has the same effect of comforting and being a sleep association "prop" without you needing to be there the whole time as well. I think the idea that babies only self soothe if they are left to cry themselves to sleep until exhausted is emotive bollocks, TBH. Stick them in the cot after they have been fed, cuddled and are cosy and full and dropping off - but not actually asleep. Do it from a very early age and they won't end up relying on someone else (i.e. you) to make them fall asleep. Although if rocking or feeding to sleep suits you, then by all means do it, I'm sure it is lovely for the baby. Just don't assume that NOT doing that means the baby is screaming or deprived of love and comfort.

My 2nd baby loves a little rabbit that he needs in his hand whilst sucking his thumb to settle. The muslin sounds good. First DD had a dummy

I used baby whisperer PUPD mostly but also fed for a while before lying down too. You sound like you're doing great to me x

Well, I'm persisting with the mussie and we have had some better nights where he seems to settle himself quite well- though this is certainly not consitent! Quick question... with PUPD how 'asleep' should DS be before I try to put him down again? Do I wait till he's nearly asleep?

I taught ds to self soothe.
It did involve some whinging at times, but if he got distressed and cried I picked him up.
He settled himself from around 6 mths, probably down to luck more than anything.
We used a dummy till he was 3 mths, after that nothing at all.

Maybe you should read her book so you can read her PUPD method in context.

I adapted it a little myself to work with the way I always settled mine for naps.

I certainly found though that after a nice warm bath and then a feed in a darkened room at night in the quiet, they settled fairly well to sleep at bedtime.

Daytime naps I had to get the "timing" right, as if they were overtired it became defcom5 and they were harder to settle to sleep. I kept mine awake for roughly 90 minutes to 2 hours until I saw sleepy signs such as rubbing eyes yawning in the day and then started settling them down for a nap when young. This then turned into a nap at 9am, 12ish and 3pm at about 6 months old and then became at 10.30am nap and 3pm nap. So I changed me daytime naps as they grew bigger and their needs to changed.

Hoping I haven't confused you with my weird and wonderful ways with my 2 kids.

me = my

Things that work for us:

Black and white mobile over cot (we've got a cardboard panda mobile from Amazon). DS is mesmerised by them!

Prince Lionheart Slumber Bear (worth its weight in gold: plays soothing noises when the baby stirs in the night, and it has a little cloth that you can wear against your skin in the daytime so it smells of you).

Stroking his face a bit if he cries or fusses.