tired mum - please help...

[eosinophilia]

Hi - I'm new to mumsnet and appreciate that a lot of this is covered elsewhere / previously. I'm after some support and reassurance really.
My son is 4 months + and was born underweight but catching up well. He's EBF and we've been lucky that the breastfeeding has worked well with very few problems. However he has never slept longer than 3hrs and I am up on average 3 times a night feeding. He is always hungry - it never seems he just wants to comfort feed - although the early morning 5am wake-up seems often to be due to an uncomfy tummy. We use Infacol to good effect.

I appreciate many people have frequent nocturnal awakenings to deal with, and I am very aware that it is not abnormal. I am just very tired and my relationship is suffering a little owing to my inability to muster the energy even to string a sentence together.

I'd be very interested to hear of anyone else in this position who may have suggestions of coping strategies?...Thankyou!

Will he take a bottle of exprssed milk?

Then you could get someone else to have him for abit while you get some rest, or otherhalf could do at least one of the night feeds for you

DS was like this. He was bf although from early on he had formula at 11pm in the hope (and midwife advice) that this would make him last between feeds. We did 11pm, 2am, 5am and 8am until about 6months. I weaned on baby rice at 4.5mths in the hope that would make him last longer, but to no avail. At 6mths, when he was weaned properly, I did controlled crying at 2am feed as he knew that he could not be hungry, and he learnt after one night not to wake then. He would wake at 5 and need settling only - no feed.

The bad news is he did not sleep through the night until about 10mths and I did all the night feeds. I know that tiredness well. Also, my ds did not sleep for longer then 30mins 3 times a day. I used to resort to co-sleeping with him at lunchtime, as then he would sleep for an hour, and I could sleep too. And, quite frankly, that is my only advice to you....sleep when you can. Weekend lie-ins if dp can get up with him after you feed at 7am ish, and in the day when he sleeps, even if it's only for 20 mins at a time. I was so tired at times, I felt like a different person as my moodswings were horrendous.
It does get better, but it may take a while. Then you have to deal with early morning waking, nightmares, and staying awake until they get in to make sure they're safe etc etc so expect to be exhausted until they leave home.

Have you considered co-sleeping?

My DS is a terrible sleeper. He's 6 months. He never sleeps more than 3 hours! Basically to cope I sleep when he does in the day. Also try and take power naps when he's awake at weekends by getting DH to look after him.

Forget the housework etc etc. Also try and get out once a day - the fresh air makes a huge difference.

You say he's always hungry - are you sure? My DS was like this but turns out he had reflux. The only way we got long stretches of sleep was when he was upright. Have you tried tilting his cot/moses basket? (Put books under the legs/basket - not under the mattress!) We used to think it was wind but was silent reflux (he used to writhe around). He also has bad wind to confuse things - so I used to spend ages winding after a feed which used to help.

I keep telling myself "this too shall pass" - I can understand just how tired you are! In fact, I'm off to bed now

Thanks people for your replies - it's nice to know you're not alone!
Igglybuff, you may well be right about reflux - we've already tried the book under cot trick but some infant Gaviscon led to a bit more of a settled night.
Expressing doesn't yield brilliant results for me, and my other half works punishing hours so it's tricky to sub-contract out a feed, but perhaps when we start to wean a little that will be easier.
Anyway, it's good in some ways to hear that it may not get better anytime soon - it helps with expectations management if that makes any sense!
cheers

Co-sleeping can help even if you don't do it all the time. I had a week or so when DS was incredibly difficult to settle after night feeds, and I was shattered, so I would feed him lying down in bed from the first night feed onwards (before that he would be in his carry cot). It made all the difference to me as I managed to doze through the feeds - something I never expected I'd be able to do.

I'd been reluctant to try co-sleeping because I saw it as an 'all or nothing' approach which would mean DS would be in my bed for the next few years, but now I'd definitely use it again as a short-term method for catching up on sleep a bit.

eoso if you suspect reflux - try using the gaviscon more regularly at least until you wean? Although speak to your GP. Also wind wind wind by rubbing not patting after a feed! And hold upright for about half an hour afterwards (whilst winding).

One thing I did (and still do) is place DS on his left hand side to sleep - it's supposed to help keep the stomach contents down. It also makes it easier for him to bring up wind (if I put him on his back and he has wind, he wakes and cries. If I lay him on his left, he can generally bring it up no probs). I know that goes against the SID guidance but DS had a choking episode when on his back so I weighed up the risks and decided side sleeping was a good middle ground. Although now he can roll, he prefers to lie on his back anyway!

It will get better it will get better it will get better it will get better it will get better it will get better it will get better it will get better it will get better it will get better it will get better it will get better it will get better it will get better it will get better ... I promise!

You're doing brilliantly. One of the hardest things is that after the first couple of months everyone loses the initial interest and the offers of help run dry and yet you are the MOST tired you've EVER been! 4 months is also a common "regression" time when their sleep seems to go tits up. It happens to loads of them. It's a killer but it's doable.

Hang on in there!

PS Mine didn't go to sleep without being rocked until well after a year of age, and at 2 and a half he still wakes a couple of times most nights. I feel your pain but I am still alive!

PPS Ace name!

Another rubbish night or two had, but all of your words of support are helping, thankyou.

It will get better I promise, just can't say when!

My DS has just started to self settle which is nice! So occasionally I get a break when it's his nap instead of him sleeping on me. His nights are slowly improving too with longer stretches of sleep and less time to settle. I never thought it would improve.