my 6 year old still getting in my bed...advise please

[gillhugh]

my DD is 7 in july and still wakes in the night and comes into my bed.
when she was born i would frequently put her in my bed and although its frowned on we would co sleep , i then got pregnant and she was still co sleeping after my DS was born my partner was working away alot and as i was feeling a sense of guilt (after having another baby) and wanting some cuddle time with her i still allowed her in my bed.
I know its my own making but she still wakes and creeps like a mouse and gets in my bed she is 6 and quite tall for her age and she takes over the bed , me and my OH are really worried that this affecting her development.
I have tried talking to her and she always goes to bed with a big smile on her face promising that she wont get up in the night but still she does.

any suggestions and please dont tell me its my own fault as im already aware of this.

btw my son has never done this.

thanks x

it wont affect her developement so dont worry

but if she is promising she wont and then does then it is behavioural
she is 6
use sanctions

This is very, very common so I wouldn't worry too much!

Does she do it every night? How about a star chart, and a star for every night she doesn't come in, and 10 stars equal a treat?

Can she tell you why she does it? Is she scared of the dark? Does she have a nightlight?

a sticker chart works well with my 5yo

she gets a sticker if she stays in her bed all night (she knows that if she is ill or needs a wee or has had a bad dream she won't lose out on her sticker)

10 stickers and she can choose a magazine

5 lots of ten stickers and she has a bigger treat - this time it's £5 towards something she is saving up for

this is the second such sticker chart we have done and it has worked a treat - albeit with a slow start

once it's finished we will be moving on to stickers for reducing the time it takes her to eat her breakfast (currently anything up to an hour )

thanks for your response..she does it near enough everynight . when i talk to her she says she doesnt know why she does it she just likes my bed better . i made her half of the room (shares room) exactly how she wanted it new bed sheets which she chose etc i did do a start chart and it helped for 3 days but then she started again
she doesnt like a night light but she does like to have the door left open with landing light on .
last night i woke up as she was climbing in my bed and i tried taking her back to bed but she was really upset saying she is scared in her bed and that she hears noises...(so obviously i gave up and let her in my bed) im the problem arent i?

sorry what is sanctions?

Please don't blame yourself!

But if you don't want her in your bed, then you need to be firm and calm and consistent (like with everything) - to get straight up and take her back as soon as she appears, and be clear that her bed is where she sleeps. IMHO it gives off fewer mixed messages if you get into your DCs bed with them if they are ill / scared etc than take them into yours.

You have to give the star chart longer than three nights - do you have a target on it, so she knows that she is due a reward if she gets enough stars? I found that getting dd1 to help make the star chart helped, also agreeing rewards beforehand.

Like Bramshott says you also need to be consistent, don't be hard on yourself, it is so hard in the night to reason with a child, but choose a time when a few broken nights won't matter so much (Easter hols coming up at a good time perhaps) and be firm. Explain to her beforehand what will happen - "From now on if you disturb me in the night without good reason then I will just put you back in your own bed." Get her to agree if you can and then you can use her agreement as a bargaining tool when the time comes.

i did give it longer than 3 nights maybe i didnt make it clear ..she only cared for 3 nights after that she thought so what id rather get in mummys bed than get a sticker (doesnt help that her nanna takes them out at weekends and treats them) maybe il try it again and get nanna on board aswell.??

its very hard at night to reason with her but the problem is half the time i dont hear her come in she sneaks in sometimes lies across the foot of the bed (and i have caught her asleep on the rug next to my bed) and i dont realise she is there till morning.

she acts so grown up the rest of the time but at night time shes like a toddler again.

It is so hard to be tough and consistent (and calm!) in the middle of the night. I remember I used to think "I'll just let her stay there for a minute, then I'll get up and take her back", then wake up an hour later! However, once we started persevering with returning as soon as she appeared (though that might be tricky if she doesn't even wake you!), she stopped coming in fairly quickly. She's now 7 and doesn't even come into the bed for a cuddle in the morning very often !

Playing devil's advocate here - if she doesn't wake you up, and you don't even know that she's there until the morning, is there really a problem?! She will grow out of it in the end - I don't know any teenagers who sneak into their parents bed in the middle of the night!

My oh said that she will just grow out of it and so does my mum but suppose i just think its not normal behaviour but then again whats normal...haha

is it better to have a screaming child in the middle of the night or a child sleeping with her parents?? suppose i just answered my own question.

think im gonna give the star chart another go see how we get on.