How to sleep train with the 'leave him to cry' method when it makes him vomit violently within 4 mins/

[SarahCan]

My DS was born 5 weeks early and was tube fed which gave him a hyper-sensitive gag reflex, I mention this as I think it is related to the problem. He is 16 months now and wakes in the middle of the night - easiest thing is to bring him into bed with us to avoid screaming. Sleep has been tricky as HV have all recommended controlled crying, however,after about 4 minutes of screaming he vomits which results in more distress and lots of washing. My mum thought I was going to him too quickly and one night babysitting she left him to cry - she timed it as she was going to leave him for 10 mins, after 3 mins he had been sick everywhere. How do I get him to sleep through the night in his own room/cot? He seems to need company in order to go to sleep. I really want to sleep all night - it's knackering.

you don't train him like this if it is making him sick

google a technique called gradual withdrawal - you stay with them and it is gentle

oh god please don't do this anymore, and I totally sympathise on the lack of sleep front, DS was over 14 mths before he slept "through" and is still v.unreliable now, though better (he had serious reflux problems as a baby).

The "no cry sleep solution" could work for you, it's gradual and gentle. It deals with co-sleeping too.

good luck

Both great advice - I have ordered the 'no cry' book from the library and hopefully it will have answers. The gradual withdrawal is pretty similar to what I am currently doing but in the middle of the night I just bring him into bed with us as it is the quick fix to all get some sleep, this has probably become a habit - a tough one to break. I think it looks like I need to do the gradual withdrawal with him in the night as well as when I put him to bed.
Thanks - will let you know how it goes...

It's very tempting isn't it Sarah?

DS2 had been sleeping well and then has recently started creeping back into my bed earlier and earlier in the night, I have just been too tired to address this recently but will have a go this week !

Tbh I'd rather still have my nearly 3yo in bed with me than let him go through this. (though it is not the best way to get sleep!)

If he needs company, you have to either provide it or find a substitute which does not cause him distress.

Remember he is probably a little bit younger in many ways than you might expect because of being premature...I'm sure you know this, sorry. But please ignore other people's suggestions (your HV in particular) and go with your own instinct.

Ds1 was 5 before he slept alone. You don't HAVE to worry about it iyswim...good luck x

My DD was the same and the controlled crying was completely wrong for her (she screamed til she was sick too). We did the gradual retreat method and, although it took a while as we were very gradual with it, she has slept all night every night (bar illness) since she was 16mths old - she is now 4 1/2.

It is so good to hear other people with the same problem as none of the mums I know locally have encountered it. Also, I have felt very isolated as the HVs haven't been able to give any other solution. Although I really hope he starts sleeping through asap I think the slowly slowly approach may work and I just have to stick to it even if it's the middle of the night and I am knackered.

Fliight - do you really think his prematurity has a bearing? I spent the whole of the 1st year feeling like I was making excuses for him as he was early and was told by HVs that when he passed 1yr his age doesn't need to be 'corrected'. It has been good not have to think about his prematurity but perhaps I should still bear it in mind. Also, because he was in an incubator and had to stay in hospital when I went home, maybe there is a need for the companionship as his first few weeks there were amazing nurses with him every second of the day and night. Hadn't considered that....

The one time I tried to sleep train my son he was very sick even though I stayed with him. I was upset, he was upset. I decided there and then that we weren't cut out for it. I think I felt that he should be able to do the sleep thing as that's what everyone told me.

Ds sleeps with me now (he is 16 mo) and all is lovely. It doesn't suit some people but I know it won't be forever and am just happy that ds is happy. Every month that passes he becomes a little more independent - slowly slowly.

I hope you find a solution that suits you all, all the best

Thanks everyone - slowly slowly seems like the best idea. Keep your fingers crossed for tonight

the millpond sleep clinic's book gives a detailed description of gradual retreat, a much more reasonable way to try it out that to buy one of their sleep packages (which we did with ds1). gradual retreat for us meant no crying, and within 4 weeks we had a self settler that slept 7-7...hurrah!! he used to wake every 20-40 minutes all night. the usual online book sellers sell the book good luck and please please don't do anything that is upsetting you or your child, YOU are the best judge of what is best for you both.

Mine did this too! and we went through months and months of vomit as even the slightest whinging would induce sickness. I looked everywhere for advice and finally found that feeding supper/milk early at around 5 and putting to bed at 7 worked much better. I gave up with controlled crying but I was sure that she found sleeping easier when milk/ food had gone down properly. I think when they're younger we want to feed them up to the brim then put them down straight away but that's sometimes counter intuitive dependent on the childs system. good luck